meal times

Once upon a time you were assessed on your ability to work within a team, to problem solve and to meet client expectations. Now you’re a parent and your whole life’s worth is down to two things: your ability to make your child eat and sleep.

A ‘good’ baby eats like a champ and sleeps like a… well, like a baby. But not the real version of a baby who sleeps in 15 minute blocks and wakes every time you turn the kettle on, the magical unicorn baby who goes down at 7pm and doesn’t stir until 7am.

These ‘good’ babies have wonderful mothers and fathers who have succeeded in passing on the vital life lessons these bubs need to survive. Because babies are basically idiots who don’t understand that eating and sleeping are not only essential for their existence but they are the two greatest joys of life and it baffles me that they don’t come out of the womb knowing this. HOW HARD IS IT? Just close your eyes for God’s sake. IT’S SO EASY.

So anyway, some mums and dads have earned themselves a gold star with their superior parenting, which has produced the highly coveted “text-book baby”.

Meanwhile, mums like me are sitting around, crying into their stewed apple because their child has been awake for 48 hours and refuses to open their mouth.