Toddler awakens in a rage because she’s obviously missed stuff. Preschooler is sufficiently dazed and confused after a damaging amount of television. Mum has managed to do 7 minutes of work and a solid 30 minutes of Facebook. Not a bad effort.
Go and put on another load of laundry.
Your children find you and through interpretive dance and tribal screaming, they inform you they are ravenous and need a snack. And by snack, they mean a biscuit, or a box of sultanas but definitely not an apple or anything from that bottom drawer in the fridge.
Look, it’s just easier to pretend the afternoon flew by and everyone escaped unscathed and happy but your google history may or may not look a bit like this:
However you’re overjoyed to report you’ve managed to broker a sharing deal that would impress the UN. Add this to your resume in the hopes someone will employ you so you can go to work to have a break.
Less impressive is the fact that all your windows and doors are locked because you know your neighbours are out there, listening, watching, waiting to report your whole family. It’s the toddler’s fault. Definitely.
Some idiot once told you the secret to getting a fussy eater to eat their dinner was to get them to help make the meal. You tell your four-year-old to pull up a chair and join you at the bench.
Immediately regret your decision. Spend the next 30 minutes stopping him from licking raw chicken and playing with knives and trying to stop the 18-month-old from climbing up your leg because she’s missing out. All three of you are crying.
Husband is about to walk through the door so you go and put on a third load of laundry so he knows how busy you’ve been all day.
5.30 – 7.30
CENSORED – for the protection of new mothers and mothers-to-be and to assure the continued desire to procreate and sustain the population, it’s not appropriate to share what goes on during these hours. Let’s just say, they end up in bed.*
*no guarantees they’ll stay there
7.30 – 10.30
Sit on the couch and “watch TV” with your partner i.e. sit and scroll Facebook and instagram in between running upstairs to put various children back in their beds until one or both of you start snoring on the couch.
Go to bed. Pray for sleep but get the extra pillow out anyway because you both know at least one of your children will be joining you before the sun rises.