I’ve only had one mother’s day so far and I’m not sure I even remember it. With an 11 month old who still hadn’t accepted the awesomeness of sleep, I was in a daze. I only took one photo of the two of us that day:
I don’t even remember getting a card (to all the dads out there – the present is optional. The card is not.)
I do remember Sarge making pancakes for me and when the boys delivered them to me in bed, Thud grabbed them all off the plate and ate them. Happy Mother’s Day.
Now I’m gearing up for my second mother’s day and I’m expecting BIG THINGS. Bahaha… Ok, in all likelihood it will be very similar to most days, but if I could plan my perfect mother’s day, it would look like this:
- Everyone in the house would sleep soundly until 8am (this includes you Bella. Cats do not need breakfast at 3am). I would wake up feeling like I’ve slept for four days
- I would stay in bed and watch a bit of breakfast TV while the boys make me some pancakes
- I would be allowed to eat my pancakes
- I would roll out of bed at about 9am and I’d magically be freshly showered and dressed and look like a million bucks with zero effort or makeup
- The house would be as clean as it is just before guests come over
- I would have ZERO work to do. Not one thing on my to-do list
- We’d head out to a park where I’d lounge on a surprisingly comfortable park bench that had a foot rest and a massage function. It’d also have a cup holder for when the park’s cabana boy brought me cocktails while I watch Thud have the time of his life. He’d always stay where I can see him and no other child would try to beat him up. When we left, Thud would voluntarily leave with me and he’d choose to hold my hand and not lie down on the ground screaming so I have to drag him by the arm to the car
- When we got home, Thud would put himself down for his nap and I’d read a book. Ordinarily I’d wish for a little disco nap, but I wouldn’t need one because I slept SO well last night and am feeling WIDE AWAKE for the first time in forever. I’d have a cup of tea and some fluffy cake with lots of icing and I’d read something brilliant that’d make me feel smart again. And I wouldn’t feel at all guilty because the house would be spotless and I’d have no work to do
- When Thud woke up, we’d all go to the movies, as a family, for the very first time. My son, whose attention span is goldfish-like and will only watch TV for about 11 minutes at a time would sit still for two whole hours and he’d love every minute of whatever movie I want to watch. When we got back to the car, he’d happily sit in his car seat and would sing me songs all the way home that don’t include the lyrics mummymummymummymummymummy
- After the movie there’d be a solid hour of cuddles, kisses and snuggles. There’d be no squirming out of my vice-like grip
- At dinner time Thud would eat EVERYTHING placed in front of him and he’d ask for more. He’d eat those peas like they’re little green balls of heaven and he’d ask where all the broccoli is. Not one thing would be thrown on the floor and there wouldn’t be a single request for pasta
- Bath time would be all giggles and smiles and he’d leap for the toothbrush and brush his own teeth with a big smile on his face because it’s so.much.fun to prevent your teeth rotting out of your head. He’d enjoy it so much he’d ask to brush them again. He’d fall in love with dental hygiene (who wouldn’t!?) and will do it every morning and night forevermore without conniption fits (his) and black eyes (mine)
- Bedtime would be all cuddles and snuggles and he’d say “I love you Mummy” and would then lie down in his bed and go straight to sleep because sleep is awesome
- I’d then have a gorgeous dinner that I didn’t have to cook and fairies would put a spell on the kitchen that makes it eternally clean
- Then I’d sink into the couch and watch Game of Thrones
So now it’s your turn! Tell me what your perfect day would look like (it doesn’t have to be a 15 point list, just tell me one thing that would make your day perfect) and you could win this gorgeous necklace from Miglio Jewellery valued at $228. Featuring a silver belcher chain (which can be worn short or long) and a removable pendant made with semi-precious Jade, green suede and Swarovski crystals.
Leave your comment below, or head to The Thud on Facebook to leave your comment there. The best answer wins. Good luck!!
The necklace is a gift from Miglio Jewellery and I’m a bit happy to say they’re giving me one too! And I didn’t need to enter or anything. PERKS! So yeah if you win, you and I will have matching necklaces. BFF style xx
Terms and Conditions
- This is a game of skill. Each valid entry will be judged by Lauren, based on creativity and originality.
- There is one prize: 1 x Miglio necklace and pendant worth $228.
- Competition begins at 6pm Sydney time on Sunday 26th April 2015 and finishes at midnight on Monday 4th May 2015.
- This competition is hosted by The Thud and is open to all Australian readers of The Thud. (sorry to my lovely international readers!)
- Prize is not transferable or changeable.
- Entry is via leaving a comment on this blog post or on Facebook in answer to the question.
- The winner will be announced on Tuesday the 5th of May on The Thud’s Facebook page. This giveaway is not endorsed by Facebook.
- The decision on the winner is final.
- If the winner is not able to be contacted or does not respond to The Thud within 48 hours, a runner-up will be chosen.
- These terms and conditions are subject to change at any time without notice.
Yeah, ok, it looks like a bit of a flat tyre in that pic above, but no matter how hard I tried, a bag of rice is still a bag of rice and that stuff refuses to stand up.
BUT, how cute, right!? My son’s room has a bit of a car theme. And when I say a “bit” I mean, it’s the Roadster room of his father’s dreams.
When we found out we were having a boy, we didn’t want to do the traditional sport or jungle animal theme (although, we have a current obsession for Raa Raa The Noisy Little Lion, so he’d probably adore a jungle room). With a 1967 Fastback Mustang sitting in the garage, it was pretty clear where we were heading with this room.
But there isn’t a lot of really cool car decor (that doesn’t involve cartoons and fat fluffy bubble cars). So a lot of it had to be made.
With a child that thinks banging doors is THE BEST GAME EVAAAAH, I needed a big heavy doorstop. And it needed to be cheap and cheerful but not look like crap.
This car wheel doorstop TOTALLY took me one hour to make. Ok, maybe it was like one hour and 15 minutes, but I needed to keep stopping to take photos and my stupid printer kept eating paper and then I got ink all over my hands, so give me a break alright? BUT if, I’d I lived in a semi-functioning world, it would have been super quick.
Enter the trackie daks (or sweatpants, if you’re not an Aussie). I ‘borrowed’ an old ratty pair that my husband will now see are never coming back (sorry darl), grabbed a 2kg bag of rice and a piece of grey felt. That’s all you need! Oh, and the pattern which you can download here.
Once you’ve cut out the paper pattern, pin it to the fabric and cut out your pieces.
Hot tip: Buy the cheapest felt you can find. You want the scratchy plastic stuff that stands up on its own. I only had this fancy proper wool felt (that was bloody expensive) at home and it was shit. It’s too fine and soft and fluffs up too easily.
Pop your grey felt on the right side of the sweatpants fabric and sew it on. If you’re in a rush or you just can’t be bothered to sew #nojudgement – you could just hot glue that bad boy on. Why not? Go for your life. More time to drink tea and read The Thud.
Once you’ve done that, you’ll need to pin on the long strip around the edges of the wheel. I used the wrong side of the fabric to make it look like the tread of the tyre. So pin the wrong side to the right side and start to sew around. Make sense? Here’s a pic.
Remember that as you’re sewing around the circle, you’ll want to bunch up that long strip a tiny bit so that when you turn it inside out it will sit properly.
And make sure you leave an opening at the ends so you can pour in your rice.
Turn it inside out and you’ll see your wheel shape! If the seam is a bit stretchy or buckling, turn it back inside out and trim the seam allowance as much as you can.
See how the wrong side of the fabric looks a bit like the tread of the tyre?
The fill him up with your rice. You might want to get it started with a funnel. Because MESS. Just make sure your funnel has a large enough spout or you may lose the will to live.
Hand stitch up the opening. Go back over it a few times to make sure it’s really properly closed up because MESS.
Stupid rice. Stupid fat hands filling up stupid doorstop. RICE EVERYWHERE. I’m sure you’ll be much better and much more patient at this part.
I am showing you what this doorstop looks like when it’s lying flat. Much like a woman’s stomach when she sunbakes, it looks better when lying down because gravity is smoothing everything out.
But even when he’s looking like he’s driven over a nail and needs some air, I think he’s still pretty awesome, don’t you?
But WAIT there’s more! You could fill him up with polyfill instead and have a little tyre cushion!
Psst….This is the one you pin!
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This post was originally published a few years ago. Before I became a mum and when I defined myself as two things: a journalist and an Army wife. My husband ‘Sarge’ was a solider for 13 years before discharging in 2013. He did many tours overseas. I did many tours at home.
Before the sun kisses the horizon, a lone bugle sounds The Last Post.
The mournful brass notes cry the final farewell, a message for the fallen: your job is done, rest in peace.
And then – in the darkness – we fall silent.
Because the words thank you will never be enough.
If you have a child and have ever used the internet (first time? Welcome!) there’s a good chance you’ve stumbled across a parenting forum. Message boards filled with questions and answers about child rearing (please note: ‘answers’ may also come in the form of criticism, judgement, opinion and extremely unhelpful, not even remotely related ‘advice’) .
I’m a bit of a lurker. I don’t post questions and I don’t dish out answers. But God I love reading them. Don’t you? Occasionally helpful, usually hilarious and downright fascinating. Honestly, the shit people post online….
If you’ve never ventured, let me give you an idea of the online mums you’ll find.
JERRY SPRINGER MUM
Baby daddy left as soon as I told him I was pregnant and my new partner keeps cheating on me because he says he doesn’t want to be a father. He stole money from me last night to go to a strip joint. I needed that money to pay for solicitors…. What should I do?
Jerry Springer mum comes to air her dirty laundry. Including her funky, crusty undies. It’s ALL hanging out. JS mum posts always include a very confusing trail of partners, relatives and court proceedings and you’re always left wondering what her actual question is.
Chatroom etiquette demands these questions be answered with a chorus of “You’re worth more than that!!” and other girl power type responses #nojudgement
My sister in law feeds her baby PRE PACKAGED POUCHES OF FOOD!!!! Should I say something? I mean, she’s so lazy! How hard is it to whip up a home cooked meal every night? I can’t bear to think of all the additives and preservatives in that stuff. No wonder her six month old cries every few hours. I will NEVER feed my child anything with a barcode.
P.S she also has the TV on when her baby is in the same room. I can’t even cope with the negligence. It’s so wrong
Sancti-mummy is flawless.
Everyone hates her #judgement
TMI LOL! I’ve had a lot of discharge today… Do you think this is my mucus plug? See photo attached…
The TMI (Too Much Information) Mum believes that placing TMI in front of her question immediately excuses her from general social rules around what’s appropriate to discuss with strangers and what’s not. Bodily functions are her stock in trade.
True story: I’m a member of a large mother’s group on Facebook and recently a woman posted a photo exactly like this, asking people if they could see a second line – on her freshly peed on pregnancy test. Couldn’t even wait to stand and pull her knickers up.
SUPER MUM (according to her)
OMG I just don’t know where I find the time to fit in my 40 hour work week, plus all the home-made meals I make for the neighbourhood and the novel I’m writing and the new baby clothes line I’m launching this week. Phew, being a mum is tough! But I did find time to host baby Timpany’s first music class! She’s so gifted! #blessed #bestmumever
Super mum has SO much on her plate, including these freshly baked gluten-free banana and chia muffins she just made. Her posts are generally just a way for her to humble-brag about all the amazing things she’s achieved this week while you were bitching about cutting fingernails every five minutes and wondering if it’s ok to feed your child baked beans three nights in a row.
These attention seekers usually get very little response because everyone’s too busy rolling their eyes and chanting If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all…. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all…. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all….#bitetongue
THE CHOICE REPORT MUM
What stroller are you all getting? I’ve been reading the choice report on prams and it says….
Choice Report Mum knows every recalled baby product going back to the early 1990s. She knows the danger involved in every baby product you foolishly bought. She can cite references for every child that has died as a result of that baby wipe warmer you have. She can also let you know about the studies that prove that baby carrier you’re using will give your child a curved spine.
She will make you realise you have no freaking idea what you’re doing (and you’re raising Quasimodo).
THE DIAGNOSE MY CHILD MUMS
My DD came up with this strange rash this morning…. Should I be worried? (see picture attached)
See this photo of my child’s head? He fell into a wall. He was unconscious for a minute or two. Do you think I should take him to a doctor?
Some parents like to use chatrooms instead of doctors rooms. Frequently in possession of photographic evidence, they list symptoms and point to marks, spots, welts etc. and ask for everyone’s opinion on what affliction their poor child has come down with.
The question is nearly always met with a chorus of “TAKE YOUR CHILD TO THE DOCTOR FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, WE ARE NOT QUALIFIED!”
And yet the medical questions keep coming….
OMG Please help! My baby vomited after having a breastfeed today! What does that mean?
Bless her socks, this one needs a stiff-drink. If only she wasn’t convinced that just sniffing alcohol would taint her breast milk and give her child fetal alcohol syndrome. This poor mum is in knots about everything.
Everyone loves the panicker because she makes all our worries seem a bit normal. You are required to respond with something along the lines of “that’s perfectly normal”. Unhelpful responses include things like “Yeah, I’d be worried too” because you’d just break her.
THE OFF-TOPICKER (The OT)
Sorry if this is OT but my mother in law is SUCH a cow!
Comes to parenting forum to seek relationship advice or to bitch about their mother in law. Frequently the most popular post because everyone needs a good bitch session now and then.
Which online mum are you? Did I miss any? Do you lurk like me?
Are you following The Thud on Facebook? You should be!
It’s that time again… time for less words and more photos.
Every month I join a bunch of bloggers who are taking a break from all the words and telling their stories with pictures. We post 10 photos on the 10th of the month. At the end of the post you’ll find a link to the next person and their 10 photos… and then you hop along the circle until you come back to me (check out Feb and March). Make sense?
No? Eh, don’t worry, just scroll down…. (where you’ll find I recklessly disregard the ‘less words’ rule)
Here’s what Easter looked like in House Thud (Game of Thrones people. It’s back in two days!)
Yes, I know rabbits are pests blah blah blah…. they’re also FREAKIN’ CUTE! And they poo chocolate eggs. Thank you Easter bunny! Thank you Canberra for being infested with the bunnies.
I had the whole fandang family down for Easter Sunday. Trust me, there was a lot of food, but I didn’t care about any of that. I was all about the pretty. I spent way too long trying to set the table…
I’ve had this branch hanging on my wall since Christmas. It was my rustic, no-chocolate Advent Calendar. I keep meaning to take it down….. but look, my laziness came in handy! Instant Easterfication with a garland of circles cut from old Beatrix Potter books and sewn together.
As usual, I let Pinterest corrupt my plans. Apparently people do Easter trees now. So of course I had to have one. And when I say ‘tree’ I mean ‘twigs in vase’. It has no presents underneath, so I’m not really sure what purpose it serves, but I thought it looked pretty. Especially with my beloved family of felt ball animals…. Sylvanian Families eat your hearts out.
Please stop and appreciate this egg. No, I mean it. Please linger. Admire. Comment on how beautiful the bling egg is. Do you know how much effort went into this stupid thing? Have you ever blown the yolk out of a tiny hole in the top of an egg? It’s bloody hard. You blow until your eyes bulge and your pelvic floor starts to give. It’s highly unenjoyable. And then you sit down with a bowl of glue and a tray of glitter which ends up everywhere including on your eyeball… I sacrificed for this egg. Enjoy.
I did mention I didn’t care about the food, but I did care about the cheesecake.
Of course there was an egg hunt. It’s Easter!
When my nephews arrived they ran straight for the backyard looking for eggs. There were no eggs because the bunny was not particularly organised just yet…. Mister Nearly Five walked up and said “Aunty, did the Easter Bunny come here? I can’t find any eggs.”
One of my very special skills is thinking on the fly…. so I said, without missing a beat, “Well, yes he did come and hide some eggs, but you know what I had to do? I had to go and collect them all because I knew you were bringing your puppy today and dogs can’t eat chocolate and I didn’t want him to find any of the eggs and get sick, so I found every last egg and put them away, and I thought maybe after lunch I could go and put them all back where I found them and then you boys could run outside and find them. Just don’t tell the little boys because I want it to be a surprise for them, ok?”
“Oh, ok,” he said gravely. “Dogs can’t eat chocolate cause they could die.”
“Exactly,” I said, and we both nodded with much seriousness.
Bless his little cotton socks… Thud was not exactly sure what was going on. All he knew was his cousins were running around like wildlings and he had to follow. Luckily his adorable big cousins dragged him along and kept popping eggs into his bag. Sharing is caring.
It’s not the end of a hunt until you’ve tipped your bag out and tallied up your takings. It’s the law.
The end. Except for the grammatically ambiguous sign…
The next person in the photo circle is Shannon from My 2 Morrows – a gorgeous blogging friend who I met in real life last month at a Problogger training event in Sydney. That’s Shannon, 2nd from right, standing next to me.
So now hop on over (geddit? Hop?) to Shannon’s blog for her 10 on 10 xxx
I like to be really honest on this blog which is why I’ve never pretended to be an awesome mother. I like to think I’m a good mum though. Or, at least, I’m not a bad mum.
But something happened over the weekend that I’m not exactly proud of. I debated whether I should share it here, but I feel I need to come clean.
I’m afraid some of you mightn’t come back to visit me after you read this which would make me very sad, but I’d understand. This was not my best moment…