I like to be really honest on this blog which is why I’ve never pretended to be an awesome mother. I like to think I’m a good mum though. Or, at least, I’m not a bad mum.
But something happened over the weekend that I’m not exactly proud of. I debated whether I should share it here, but I feel I need to come clean.
I’m afraid some of you mightn’t come back to visit me after you read this which would make me very sad, but I’d understand. This was not my best moment…
++++
Thud was, quite frankly, being a turd.
I was doing my best impersonation of a wholesome, Pinterest-worthy mother and was trying to paint some easter eggs with my little boy.
How adorable, right!? Mum and son, decorating eggs, having a giggle, paint splotches on our noses, the afternoon sun twinkling through the windows…. sigh… I was feeling smug just thinking about it.
I guess it’ll surprise no one that my 22 month old toddler didn’t want to participate in my daydream. He wanted to smash the eggs.
I took the eggs away.
He wanted to paint me.
I took the paint away.
He wanted to rip up all the newspaper, so that was taken away as well.
He didn’t like everything being taken away, so he picked up a domino and threw it at me.
It hit me fair in the eye.
It hurt. Bad. I got so angry I smacked the back of his hand. Not hard, but enough to get his attention.
That’s not the bad part by the way… it’s still coming…..
His little face fell like I’d just sliced his arm straight off. His head flipped back and he let out a ROOOOAAR of anger. Then he spun around and smacked me in the face.
THAT’S IT.
Without a word, I stood up, gathered everything that was left on the table and walked over to the kitchen bench. I was over it. Hugely.
This was the last straw for Thud. He lept up from the floor and flew at me. Full pelt, head down, raging bull style.
His head went straight into my thigh with such force that he bounced. He bounced straight off that thigh like a tennis ball. He literally ricocheted off my leg.
He sailed through the air in a neat little arc and landed on his bum and then fell backwards, flat on his back.
And then…. here it is people…..
I laughed.
Actually I snorted. I clamped my hands over my mouth and held that giggle in because I was still angry and wasn’t about to turn this whole thing into a joke. But HOLY SHIT, watching that little person bounce off me did something to my brain and I really struggled to compose myself.
Of course, I immediately felt like the worst person in the world because he was even more hysterical now. He was howling like a wolf with its leg in a trap. I looked down at my little boy with the tears running down his face and felt awful for him.
But then… I laughed again….
BOO HISS! SHE’S EVIL.
People, picture it…. he was flat on his back, like a turtle trying to turn himself over. I’d put an old t-shirt of mine on him as an art smock but on him it looked like a dress. My little turtle in a t-shirt dress, arms and legs kicking and flailing while he bellowed like a moose.
IT KEPT GETTING FUNNIER. It was like something out of a Roadrunner cartoon.
Scarlett Johansson falling over. Makes me laugh EVERY TIME. That face. Those hands. Is she wearing oven mitts? It’s like she has paws….
What can I say? I’m an awful, awful person. What kind of cold-hearted bitch laughs at their small crying child? My heart hurt for him at the same time as my mouth laughed. I couldn’t stop myself. HE WAS RIDICULOUS. And it was self-inflicted, so he kinda deserved it.
I tried to tell the Sarge about it later that night and I laughed again. He looked at me like I was demented. Maybe I am….
People falling over is the one thing that always makes me laugh. Unless I can see the person is genuinely hurt, I can’t help myself. It’s always funny.
What’s better than a kid slipping down a bowling aisle? Mum running after him and doing the exact same stupid thing.
I always knew I was a bit warped, but I assumed I’d be able to override it with my own child. But no. Seeing my tiny boy in his own slapstick routine was funny as hell.
This can’t be normal….
What’s your worst parenting moment? Are you evil like me? Please say yes…
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79 comments
Hi, I don’t know you but I love you. I found this site because after almost two weeks of cycling between illnesses of three sons, I have flopped on the couch with my preschooler to lala’s big live band. After a sudden ton of nihilistic thoughts thudded from the top of my scalp, through my chest, down to my toes, I googled “does anyone else hate lala’s big live band”, and found you!!! I am so impressed with your story, and even though I am too tired to get off my bum, my inner being stands up and applauds you for not smaking your son back when he smacked you. Wow!!!! You have such self control. That’s seriously where I thought the story was heading, and I was going to laugh at how normal that sounded. Then it took a more hilllarious turn. I feel like a human being again and can forgive myself for the horrible choices I make on a daily basis. Thanks for your honesty. It’s been two years now since your story, How is your sons head? I also have stupid Easter egg dyeing horror stories, we don’t do festivities any more. Much easier. Also liked your review of kids tv shows, laughed so hard. My son thinks I’m laughing to hoopla doopla. Something in me is really enjoying that I get to laugh at what he’s watching, while he thinks I’m laughing with him. Now that’s evil……
Oh Mam, babe, no one has ever EVER laughed at Hoopla Doopla. Ever. That show makes me want to set fire to things. WHY DON’T THEY TALK!? Is it a monastery? Have they taken a vow of clown silence? Why are they so freaking DUMB?
My son’s head is fine, thanks for asking. Which is honestly surprising given how many self inflicted head injuries he’s suffered. It seems like a design flaw that kids’ heads are so damn big and cumbersome. They’re asking to be concussed.
hon, if you’ve got three boys, you might like this one: https://the-thud.com/sydney-mum-risks-possibility-third-son/
But come and join me over on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/thethudonline/ That’s where most of the fun is. Thanks for stopping by Mam, hope to see you again soon. Lauren xx
Worst mom ever – over here.
My 3yo son walked into a glass door, fell on his bum and looked at me totally irritated because even then he didnt realize what just happened. I could hardly hide my laughter which made me feel SO bad but I still couldnt stop. I showed him the door and tried to make clear to him I wasnt laughing at him.
My husband who was following us was really upset at me for laughing at a 3yo who might hurt himself. But hey, he was weigh too surprised to feel pain.
Hilarious! If you can’t laugh what can you do in moments like those?
Cry. Or drink. Or hide. Or hide while you drink and cry.
This happened to me today – and I couldn’t help but laugh as my 3yo lifted a table and tried to chuck it at me, I carried him in a fireman carry and marched him off to bed where he cried himself to sleep!
Hahaha! One of those moments you’re kind of impressed with the effort. I mean, lifting a table!? That’s ballsy.
I am laughing now at this… And will keep laughing… It makes you a real parent
I’m so relieved people don’t think I’m evil Natalie! He’s my first so I’m still trying to figure out what’s normal and what’s not. I was pretty convinced I was an awful person because how could a mum laugh at her crying child?
Laughing so hard. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve barely held it together in this kind of situation. Which I think makes me as bad a mother as you?! Unite!
Hurrah! Thanks for making me feel normal Kelly 😉 It’s so hard to keep that giggle in sometimes. Especially when you’re trying to be firm and authoritative. xx
Been there, done that. Don’t feel bad. I used to get the giggles whenever I got cranky with my eldest when she was little. I’m not sure why. Maybe because you are feeling such a strong emotion, (anger, maybe rage) that it the way it leaks out?
Haha! Maybe that’s what it is!? Just too many emotions all at once and the ridiculousness of it all comes out as a laugh. That makes sense Sarah!
Thank god someone else does this. My little man tied a rope around himself and leaped off his top bunk, because he wanted to rock climb like his dad. It ended in tears, both his and mine and it still makes me cry with laughter x
Oh God he sounds like a daredevil! Destined for greatness and broken bones. How do they come up with this stuff? (I’m laughing just thinking about it btw)
Hallelujah! I’m not alone at being the worst mother in the world! 🙂 My six year old seems to have unfortunately inherited my red-haired, general cranky pants attitude, but upped it a couple of notches just because he can! I think as a parent, being able to laugh at our kids is a survival mechanism (for both us and them!), plus it gives us awesome stories to share in the school yard with fellow ‘worst mothers in the world’. Thanks for a great laugh, especially after the tantrum we had over vegetables at tonight’s dinner…
I love it Emma! I’m going to have a great catalogue of stories I think. Don’t get me started on the vegetables….
Ha! I laughed out loud just reading this! Our three year old regularly runs straight into our glass pool fence before bouncing back off it and I laugh every single time 🙂
Hahahaa… oh my God Lauren that sounds like the perfect combination of awkward, possibly painful and funny to watch. I hope you’ve filmed it!?
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Your posts are always so well written. I felt like I was there to watch the whole episode. It actually reminded me of a time when I took my Esther who must have been a similar age to a kindy fair. It was going to be so much fun but she was in a mood the whole time and had a tantrum and ruined the morning for us. Don’t you love when you plan something fun and your kid doesn’t want anything to do with it? You are so not a bad mum. I probably would have laughed too. x
Oh Bec, that happened to me the other week. I’d bought tickets to the Wiggles which I thought he’d go nuts over! But he just sat there in a sook because he wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t be mad at him because it wasn’t his fault, but I was still really disappointed that he didn’t love it like I hoped he would. Sigh….
I laughed even imagining it lol I am awful. I’ve totally laughed at my 20 month old when she’s fallen over, especially when she was being stroppy before it happened because its some weird evil karma lol god I sound evil. And thankgod I decided not to bother doing Easter egg craft with my toddler because this would’ve been the outcome for me too.
I think we both deserved what we got Toni. He deserved the stack for the tantrum and I deserved the tantrum for expecting a toddler to sit and paint eggs with me. Moron.
Ba ha ha I felt as though I was right there with you when this happened. You worded it beautifully. These little people think they are so clever don’t they until it comes back to bite them on the bum. 🙂 You are not a bad mum at all. My 10 month old has just started walking. He just wants to be with his brother and sister. He walks about 15 steps then topples over and looks to me for support. When I don’t give it to him, he howls whilst I continue to wash the dishes.
Dear lord, a 10 month old walking!!! That’s amazing Neets! And also terrible…. I seriously never realised how much easier they are when they aren’t mobile until this child started to run and climb and jump and DESTROY! I long for the days when I could sit him down and he stayed there.
A few years ago my boss & I had a call from one of our field staff who told us about an incident that happened out on site. This person was bitten by a bat. Which, you know, is kinda serious. The person was taken to the hospital, given the injections and so on. But the way we were told about it was hilarious. So when other staff member asked us what we were laughing at, we told them that a staff member was bitten by a bat. We got SO many disgusted looks from our colleagues.
We wouldn’t have been laughing if she wasn’t ok and hadn’t told us about it in a funny way.
Hahahaha… oh bloody hell Vanessa, how could you not laugh? Who gets bitten by a BAT? Was it radioactive? Does she have special powers now?
I have a sick 21 month old son whining for me and I just want to read s few blogs this morning. GOSH!!!
So ignoring him is my naughty mummy thing right now! He’s on one knee and I’m trying to type around him. I reckon we’d have a good play date, you and me! Now he’s trying to drink my coffee. Nothing is safe. AGHHH. He laughed so hard when he saw the video of the people failing at bowling. Awww. He’s enjoying blogging with me. HA! yeah right. He gets a smack on his hand when he’s done something naughty too, so don’t feel guilty.
A play date would be awesome! As long as you’re ok with your son watching my son do very dangerous things and then copying everything he does. Which seems to happen with every child that ever comes here and my son is now the “bad influence” of Canberra….
Hope he feels better soon!! xx
You’d just had a domino to the eye. You can’t be held responsible for your actions.
THANK YOU Amy. This is what I keep telling the husband.
Lady, your kinda evil, is my kinda evil. Laugh at them. Laugh away. How wicked do I sound now?
Laughing is so much better than howling. For me right now, it can go either way. The laughing option is so much better. Motherhood is like a collection of satirical scenes so often, or at least I’m sure that’s how it would look on the outside in. If you can find the funny in it, laugh at them. They deserve it (sounding fully wicked again) x
It totally is Vicki! I think if someone filmed the life of a mother with small children and put a laugh track over the top, it would be a hit comedy sitcom.
Omg this me and my 2 1/2 yr boy daily. I’ve lost count of times hes clocked me between the eyes with a toy car or sny other small object lol. Btw a few weeks back my lil turtle tried to escape from me when we were out for lunch he bolted and ran smack bam into a glass wall i laughed so hard my stomach hurt i couldn’t pick him up because it was too funny.
Bwahahahaha…. Karen you sound just as evil as me. LOVE IT.
Hahaha I would have laughed too..in fact I did.. No you are not a bad mother. Might I say Karma was in play here a bit too….I laugh at my girls all the time..
Mandy, Karma was well and truly in play. He was a little monster!
You are definitely not the worst mum in the world. I laughed. I also kind of wished you had it on video because it sounds hilarious. Also Funniest Home Videos is one of my favourite shows.
I seriously think I should just set up hidden cameras throughout my house Tegan. Just to make sure I don’t miss moments like this again 😉
You are nowhere near the worst mum in the world. You might be the funniest, though!
Ha! Thanks Emily. I’m so relieved everyone else is the same. I really felt like there was something awful about me that I could laugh when he was so upset!
You evil mama you!! Pure Evil!! Haha. I laugh at my kids all the time when they do something similar. I mean how can you not? x
Oh god, if you could have seen it Fleur. He looked so ridiculous.
You are totally evil and I love it oh kindred spirit. Look at it this way.. you must have some rock hard thighs! I was laughing just reading this so that makes me an evil friend lol 😉 xx
HA! Rock hard? More like rubbery and ripply. I’m very lucky to have so many evil friends. It’s such a relief to be in such good company 😉 xxx
Oh dear! The first part of your post really reminds me of my son (except he is 4, yes sorry! It can last forever…) And I could not say I’m such a good mother as you, because he deosn’t make me laugh anymore beacause hell! It hurts when he ‘s playing torreador with me! I’m just fed up with this phase! When will it stop???? Last time I was so angry that I left the house (don’t call french social service they have too much work). I left him with his sister and our au pair girl while I went out for a walk to calm myself! See? Who is the worst mother now? xx cathy
ps I know he is cute… on pictures!
Baahahahaha!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could just walk out the door Cathy. Sometimes I just want to hide for a while to get my sanity back. Want to send your Au pair my way? xxx
Craft with a nearly two year old boy – are you insane woman?! I applaud your enthusiasm but after having to endure that I think you needed a laugh! You’re in good company – how else can you explain that America’s Funniest Home Videos has been running for 25 seasons. Funny cats and people falling over always get the laughs.
Yes I am insane. I see them doing all sorts of arts and crafts at daycare…. I figured it shouldn’t be too hard! I was wrong. Very very wrong. If only I had filmed it all!!
I call it natural consequences – or karma that he was being a turd and then fell over – i was laughing reading about it – can only imagine being there!
Oh Wendy, you would have laughed. It was spectacularly silly looking. He totally deserved it for being a turd…
OMG! I’m laughing so hard at this I’m crying. And the comments. Ahhh. I think we’re all a little warped. I have always laughed when people fall over and hurt themselves. I don’t know why. It’s just funny. I think in those really intense stressful moments with kids, sometimes all you can do is laugh. It breaks the tension sometimes. God love you. Thanks for the laugh.
That’s totally what it was Renee. I was about to snap from anger and then he did his flying man routine and it was all just so ridiculous I had to laugh. Plus, people falling over is ALWAYS funny.
So evil! just like me!! 😉
It must be an Aries thing 😉 xx
You could say that you were trying to turn the whole falling down thing into a joke to make him feel better and stop him crying – well maybe.
No, see Kathy, I actually went out of my way to hold the laugh in, because I was still mad and didn’t want to make him feel better…. See? I’m AWFUL.
I have a bad habit of documenting my bad mother moments. Like the time my then-3 year old got his arm caught in an Ikea chair. He wasn’t hurt but he was bellowing in horror, tears running down his beet-red face. We decided the only way to get him out was to saw the bars off the chair – after we’d taken a few photos. Which took longer than it should have because I was laughing so hard.
I now have another three year old who was playing hide and seek with his brothers. Suddenly the hiding giggles changed and he started calling for help. I went into the front room to find that he had twisted himself around and around in the curtains until he looked like a little wrapped lolly. Then he’d fallen and couldn’t get up. That one scored a video where you can hear me saying (as I film) “hang on, honey, I’ll get you out in a second . . . “
Bahahahahahahahaaaa….. little curtain lolly!!! That’s spectacular! I would have been crying with laughter.
I’m with you though. Always get the photo before rescuing the child.
Evil. Hell no! You are allowed to laugh at him. He was being a turd and he just learnt a life lesson. Karma is a bitch. It essentially was an educational moment for him. 😉
EXACTLY! See, I was actually being a good mum, right? TEACHING.
Of course you laughed, it must have been hilarious to watch it, because it was totes hilarious to read about it. If there’s a next time, please have your wits about you and have the good sense to record it on your phone, think Thud’s 21st birthday shebang!
Oh Sammie, I wish I’d had the video rolling!
Actually I’m KICKING myself that I wasn’t filming him yesterday because he stood up on a little table behind a big armchair and leant against the back of the armchair and all of a sudden he did this massive flip forward – went face first into the seat of the chair and flipped over so he was lying on his back… hard to explain but it was AWESOME. He lay there for a while – not sure if he should laugh or cry. I waited for a sec to see if he was hurt and then burst out laughing. Luckily so did he. I would have won funniest home videos FOR SURE!
100% pure evil! Trust me, you’re not alone… if it’s any consolation, I am also a cold-hearted biatch mama who always laugh when my wee one falls over, especially under circumstances like this when I think they absolutely deserves it 🙁 I repeatedly told my 24 month old son not to run too fast inside the house or shit happens. Of course he didn’t listen and skidded across the wooden floor with his legs wide open doing a split and when he finally came to a stop, he then toppled over on his side… I laughed so hard to the point where I almost pissed my pants… Should I have felt terrible laughing…??? Hell no!
You were clearly not in sane mind BEFORE you laughed. Painting Easter Eggs with a 22 month old and thinking it’s going to turn out to be fun is not the thought process of a sane mind.
xxx
Ha!!! Well said!! hahahaha!! I have tried the exact same thing before!! Jx
It wasn’t my brightest idea.
Haha. This one made me snort!
I think you are an amazing mum for even getting out the paints In the first place! Mediocre mums like me won’t even go there! 😉
Easter sunday we went for a leisurely 8km family bike ride with our best mates on a new trail by by the lake. The older kids rode their bikes, the younger ones went on our bikes in the kiddie seats. master 3 insisted on riding his bike by himself. Within the first km he fell off… he went wobbly then went over the top of the handle bars into the bushes. (Soft landing thankfully) He got up and screamed “mummy” (daddy was right there beside him but of course he wanted mummy!) then once we could see there was no damage, we couldnt help but laugh. Histerically! Not only us but our friends too. he then roared like a lion because he was so embarrassed. Ego of a 3 year old gets bruised so he roars. freakin hilarious. Xx
Oh yes, the very dangerous line you have to tread between laughing to make them feel better and laughing too much which makes them embarrassed. It can go either way!
Kids do the most hilarious things, you can’t help but laugh!
The other morning my husband was regaling me with the tale of how I beat him up in my sleep and then proceeded to steal all the blankets, assasulted him in both the stomach and the ‘man area’ with my knee and happily went on sleeping. He was not impressed.
While he was telling me this story I was howling with laughter, I thought it was hilarious (blame the pregnancy hormones!). #badwife
Bahhahahhhahha!! You are truly evil. I love it.
I love laughing at others falling over! I’m a regular LOL to others misfortune! Why just the other day Farmer shaved his head to probably a number 3 or 4. He have me the clippers to tidy up, I was so busy talking I took to the back of his head like a lawnmover! Now he has a hillarious strip on the back of his head and I couldn’t stop laughing! Whoops! He was so mad, but that made me laugh even more. I’m no hairdresser!
Poor Thud, I laughed too but. Sometimes kids are turds and this is just awesome!!!
That made me laugh mate. If that’s your worst moment your doing ok. One of mine was yesterday. My health nut 16 year old made me watch “That sugar movie” last week I took an icecream in, he nearly died of embarrassment if that wasn’t bad enough I did what he said we gave up sugar, well that son – I have a few as I was dishing up a roast yesterday passed out right behind me and I wasn’t entirely sure he hit his head but 2 hours later as we got to ED the passing out isnt a huge problem we both have very low BP and a low HR it’s genetic so fainting happens but by the time he was vomiting in triage I was wishing I’d come earlier – shit mother. He only has mild concussion but the Paed made me feel like a child abuser for cutting his sugar intake and said he has to have more sugar more salt and the sports drinks.
bahahaaha and it won’t be the last time lol !!! It never gets less funny!
Oh god, I laugh at really inappropriate things too… like the time my 3 yo daughter got her hair stuck in the car door (Bad mum. It really hurt). Or the time my 20 month old son face-planted off the couch (after I’d TOLD him to stop jumping on it…) and then he charged at me (like a bull) because I was laughing, but he missed and went on to headbutt my husband in the balls… making me laugh even harder. Uncontrollably, with tears rolling down my face. While both my son and husband were rolling around on the floor in agony.
Mother (and wife) of the year here 🙂
Oh jesus, that just made me laugh out loud. One of those times you wish you had been filming. You would have been YouTube sensations!!
OMG I just laughed out loud reading that!!! hahahaha