All mums really want is for someone to tell them they’re doing a good job. That they’re making the right decisions. That they’re not going to completely screw up their children.
Most mums of my generation have had careers before babies. We’ve had colleagues and bosses. We’ve had constant performance reviews and feedback. We’re used to knowing if we’re performing to standard.
Then come the babies and there’s silence. It’s deafening. How do we know we’re doing ok if no one’s telling us?
What happens when there isn’t a fat, lecherous supervisor telling us to “smile more” or a bitchy boss letting us know every time we’re four minutes late back from lunch? WHERE do we get our self-esteem from if we don’t have megalomaniac, wank-stains to put us down every time we see them??
I do beg your pardon. I’ve wandered slightly off track…. this has nothing to do with my personal experience. Obviously. Oh, look over there –>
So, as I was saying, mums need feedback. We’re used to it. We’re programmed for it. I feel like it’s a large part of the mummy wars – our need for approval and our desperation to be the most “successful” mum. Whatever that means.
So, getting some very public pats on the back was a great start to my week.
Ok, maybe not pats on the back. I’m not sure anyone was telling me I’m a good mum. It’s probably more accurate to say they were telling me I’m not a bad mum.
Semantics.
I had the pleasure of being interviewed on Mornings with Linda Mottram on ABC 702 in Sydney. They wanted to chat about my recent post about putting a leash on your child. I had about 20 minutes notice before the interview went to air, and I’d only just woken up, so please excuse me for being so shouty and manic. I was oddly nervous considering I’ve worked in TV and radio for years. Talking live on-air is kinda my thing. I gave myself an uppercut and snapped out of it, quick smart.
I let Thud loose in the bathroom to deface and destroy at his pleasure, as I paced my bedroom and regaled the ABC listeners with my “leashed child” story.
It was fab. The best part was chatting with the callers. Lovely, gracious, wonderful callers who ALL agreed with me. Because, obviously, I am a wonderful mother who is always doing exactly what I should be doing.
I sat on the end of my bed, nodding and giving myself high-fives for my advanced mothering skills.
Thud found a roll of 125 plastic garbage bags and unravelled the whole bloody thing in my wardrobe.
Caller after caller told me their stories of reining in their unruly children. They told me how RIGHT I was. How GOOD I was. And I lapped it up like I was getting an Achievement Award at school.
Meanwhile, Thud found his way into a bag of makeup and started eating a lip balm. Strawberry flavoured, so not weird or anything.
I giggled with Penny from Balmain who told us about how her son nearly fell down a hole, but was saved from certain death by his trusty harness.
Thud found the iron and switched it on.
Jennifer from Carlingford made me laugh with the story of her devious twins who ran in opposite directions while trussed up. As Thud… well, I can’t actually tell you what he was doing, because I turned my back so I could concentrate on the call. I figured I’d hear if things went really badly.
But, the overall message was. I’M A FANTASTIC MOTHER. SO SO GOOD. And the interview ended just in time for me to stop my child picking up the toilet brush and putting it in his mouth. See? TOP EFFORT LAUREN! You win all the awards. You are SUCCESS.
You can listen to the whole, glorious, shouty, drag-queen guffawing mess right here:
Do you get drunk on the praise too? It’s just nice to get some reassurance now and then, isn’t it? Or is that just me….?
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13 comments
We all need a little bit of positive reinforcement every so often. What a great post, I loved it 😉 (I actually did, btw).
x
I love praise! Especially when you need it most.
Great radio topic and hello! It’s about your blog post!! Even more praise.
OMG i just love to hear english speaking! It’s so good. Sorry for that, i’m just being childish and excited that i can understand!!! Almost everything!!!
That must be such an exciting moment for you!
I totally support you. In france, parents could be jugded very quickly. You absolutly won’t see leash on children. It’s not possible. I don’t know why we “prefer” to see children running everywhere and putting themselves in danger! Or getting lost in supermarket! Strange…
Cath
xxx
Well done Cath, that’s a great achievement!! Your English is amazing. I don’t think I could take Thud to France. You’d all think I was a horrible mother!!
I won’t but some old traditional and uptight people could… Pity for them.
I’m trying to listen to this and it keeps skipping backwards! Even when I just stare at the screen. Poo. Will try again later. I was hoping to have a giggle while I am doing some shit-boring data entry work.
Poo INDEED. Seems to work at my ends Hugz. Did it end up working for you?
Love this Lauren! I think shouty, drag queen guffawing is the best way to do radio and I’m a firm believer that kids need a bit of adventure in their lives. That’s how I came this morning to find my two boys scaling packed moving boxes stacked two high to build a cubby at the very back of the rickety shed that may not be structurally sound. We all survived
Oh my God, now I want to make a cubby house!!!
This it too funny! You make me laugh. All praise it good and very Welcome. For arguably the most important job of our lives I soak up any and all praise that comes my way. Especially after those days of feeling like you’re deep in the trenches and not getting anywhere. Jx
Hey Jess, you’re doing a FABULOUS job!! And I bet your hair looks great today too. Go mumma!
I’m right with you on the feedback thing – it’s probably one of the biggest surprises about being a mum; the complete absence of validation. Instead the only feedback I get is second hand praise about what my child looks like. And I bask in this superficial glory. Which isn’t really helping either!
Hey, I’ll take whatever people are throwing my way! If someone tells me my son is cute I think “well at least I did ONE thing right!!”