I was ready for it. I’d heard horror stories about the judgement and shame heaped on parents who choose to put a leash on their child.
People tutting and shaking their heads. People calling mothers cruel. People barking at the kids….. Because that’s the height of sophistication. The child looks like a dog on a leash, so you bark at a baby. So funny.
I was waiting for it. I knew putting a harness on my child was controversial, but I was willing to deal with it to keep him safe. Because he’s a dead.set.maniac.
He runs. And he’s bloody fast. He refuses to hold my hand and he has great difficulty walking in a straight line. The world is FAR too fascinating for that shit. There’s things to see, people to chase and a world to climb.
After a couple of terrifying incidents of “shit shit shit where is he!?” and a near escape-out-the-door-of-shop-and-on-to-road, I decided he need to be reined in. Literally.
Last week he was throwing out some pretty impressive escape and evade manoeuvres in Target, so I dragged him to the baby section and found the harnesses. To my HUGE delight, they had a choice of two cartoon characters – Elmo and Mickey Mouse. I kept searching for the discreet, non-merch harnesses, but no. It was either the little red monster or a huge pair of ears. I showed both to Thud. He grabbed Elmo and squealed with delight. And then ran off with him. Elmo it was.

And he’s off…
We had a bit of a practice that afternoon and it didn’t end in tears, so I steeled myself for a visit to the shops the next morning. It was time to go public.
I had prepared some witty and mature comebacks to the comments that might come my way. Real high-brow stuff of the “your FACE is a dog!” variety. I was ready.
I took a deep breath, set my little wildling on the floor and let him go….
And nothing.
Silence.
Not a word. Not a judgy glance.
Nobody noticed.
Then a couple of old ladies walked past and turned their beady eyes on us. Their soft crinkly faces broke into indulgent smiles and they chuckled at Thud in an “oh isn’t he cute” kind of way. They looked at me with solidarity in their wisened eyes.
I was touched. And confused. Maybe a little bit deflated after the complete lack of conflict.
I started strutting around the shop, looking everyone in the eye. DARING them to say something.
Still nothing.
Ok, I’ll admit that one or two people may have ducked their heads and scuttled in the other direction because it’s possible I looked like a crazy person.

Hey Big W, excellent placement of the scissors by the way
And then I saw her.
A girl standing in the queue was giving me a strange look. There was DEFINITE attitude. I bristled immediately.
Who did she think she was? She didn’t even look old enough to have a child herself. How dare she judge me!
I know there’s a whiff of the inhumane about putting a leash on a child. I understand it looks like he’s a pet rather than a person. But you know what? I put a leash on my dog to keep him safe. To stop him running under cars. To stop him running away. I do that because I care about him and don’t want him to be hurt.
Why wouldn’t I give the same love and care to my baby? I also need to keep him from running in front of cars and keep him from running away. He’s too little to understand what’s dangerous and what isn’t, but he also deserves to have a bit of freedom, outside of the pram.
But civil liberties, you cry! Trust and respect, you say! Proper parental supervision, you preach!
Well, FUCK YOU, girl in the queue. You don’t know me. You don’t know my baby. I could be standing right next to him, eyes boring into his little blonde skull, and he’d still shoot off like a tiny rocket when he sees something shiny and bright. I can trust and respect him until my eyes bleed, but it won’t stop him seeing a puppy dog on the other side of the road and running to catch it. I also think it’s his civil liberty to be loved and protected by the people who treasure him most.
So judge away Little Miss Perfect. You can think I’m an awful medieval parent, but it’s MY world that would end if something happened to my baby. Not yours.
No, I didn’t actually say this out loud. Because as I stood there, waiting for her to fire the first missile, I realised something….
She couldn’t see Thud.
He was squatting on the ground trying to break into a Disney Princess Art pack, so it was just me she was staring at. The attitude was directed squarely at me. For no particular reason (to be fair, it was probably because of my face. Yes, I’m afflicted with chronic bitch face. Le sigh).
Turns out there was no conflict after all. Maybe it’ll happen in the future, maybe it won’t. Maybe I live in a particularly tolerant area of Canberra. Who knows? Maybe I need to calm the fuck down. Highly likely. But if and when someone dares judge me…. I’ll be ready and waiting to attack. Or perhaps I’ll just ask them to spend five minutes with Thud.
Oh, and I should add… the harness didn’t last long. I soon realised Thud was simply dragging me around the shops. For some reason I thought the harness would miraculously teach him to walk in a straight line. I was wrong. He was still all over the place, but with the added bonus of dragging me with him.
I gave up in frustration and threw him in a trolley, Titanic style. He loved it. This’ll have to do for now.

He’s the King of the World! Or maybe just Big W.
Have you used a harness? Did you ever cop any abuse for it?
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14 comments
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God Bless you…..my story….
Ex hubbies cousin…2 kiddies….one in a stroller…perfect little Miss…just over 2 yrs…never put a foot wrong…
All 3 waiting to cross the road…..for a reason…we will never know….Miss 2 who was holding onto the stroller, like always….bolted….the driver could not stop….no more Miss 2…..I always harnessed my children and lots of foster kiddies as well….I could not live with the alternative.
Oh Maev, that’s my greatest fear. How horrible and traumatic…
[…] being interviewed on Mornings with Linda Mottram on ABC 702 in Sydney. They wanted to chat about putting a leash on your child. I had about 20 minutes notice before the interview went to air, and I had only just woken up, so […]
[…] I have laughed out loud (not an easy feat) reading this blog so many times. Check out her post on putting her toddler on a leash (it’s not as bad as it sounds!!) or this one on being so sick but her gorgeous Thud refusing […]
I love this! I’m the child of a leashed parent and only escaped having a leash myself due to living in a town of 50 at leashable age where everyone knew what everyone was doing, although we did have crocodiles far too close to the house, so maybe my parents were just careless. When are cages for kids going to become mainstream safety devices? I’m up for that, totally. My boys are actually crazy and while leashes would be great, I kind of imagine it would be like wrangling 2 rabid great danes with my boys.
We used a harness in an airport. I looked around and every other kid his age had one. So that was fine. He also had a harness in Korea and Japan (we holidayed there earlier this year and it was his first time overseas). Because I had visions of him going missing and me saying to the police (who don’t speak English) – it’s a kid with dark hair and dark eyes and well, he’s half Asian. It’d be like Where’s Wally. Oh Jeebus!
I have read scathing Facebook comments on website posts about the issue, but the truth is, each kid is different. We too stopped using the harness because we were being dragged…and guess what, it looks way worse when your kid’s not only on a harness but you’re playing tug of war with them *sigh*
I don’t judge anyone who chooses to use one. I judged before I had a kid (yep we all know EVERYTHING about parenting until we do it), but then the Little Mister got old enough and I was like, ‘sign me up’. I get it now!
Thud is the cutest leash wearer ever. So glad that canberra was chilled out. Sydney wears mcjudgy pants more frequently
One day I struck up conversation with a lady who had her child in a harness. The child was profoundly deaf & couldn’t hear when her mother called her. Another time I spoke with a woman who was riddled with arthritis, & couldn’t chase her toddler when he ran away. I don’t think illness or disability is the only reason to use a harness, but my point is, people who are quick to judge really need to think about the full spectrum of reasons parents might make this choice. Every single time it is done out of LOVE & a desperate need to keep a child safe.
LOL. You’ll cop shit for throwing them in the trolley too, for the record. I used various forms of leash on my oldest child, who was as much fun to shop with as a highly-strung kelpie. It never worked anyway because he’d run the entirely wrong way or lay down on the ground and refuse to move. I always envied the kids on leashes who walked obediently to heel. My kid missed that memo. Didn’t train him well enough.
We use a monkey teddy backpack and it’s very cute. Biggest one loved it and little one insists on wearing it. We never had judgy looks, just “isn’t that cute” comments so I simply tell people “don’t be fooled, they’re like a bat out of hell without it!” Lol! Thud looks so cute with it on 🙂
I needed this post!!! Mr one has now decided he wants to WALK through the shopping centre. Mr One is so good at holding my hand at home, but the minute we leave the house he wants to walk all by himself, no hand holding. I let him hold onto my bag today and the walk back to the car took 15,0000000 minutes longer than it needed to. I haven’t used a backpack out of sheer fear of judgement, so thank you for this post! Go the leash I say!