I’ve been on a personal campaign against the phrase “cherish every moment” for a few years now. I hate it. LOATHE. Because:
It’s dismissive of a mother’s feelings – because even though she’s tearing her hair out over her kids, she’s apparently supposed to push that frustration all the way down until it pops out of her arsehole, leaving her fresh and unburdened with actual emotions like ‘not enjoying temper tantrums’ for example.
It’s judgemental – because mothers should always be grateful and never complain or WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE KIDS?
It’s unrealistic. Who the fuck enjoys scooping spew out of their bra at 2am or full on sibling fist fights? You’re a sick puppy, Susan.
It’s just another thing to add to the list of things to feel guilty about. Not cherishing every moment? YOU HAVE FAILED AS A MOTHER.
And yes, EVEN IF you think you mean nothing by it or you’re saying it with the best of intentions, sometimes you need to consider how you’re making the other person feel when you say something. It’s all well and good to think, “Oh I meant nothing by it, I was just being nice” but if the recipient of your ‘nice’ comment feels shit after hearing it, maybe it’s not so ‘nice’ after all.
BUT – I heard a song today called “You’re Gonna Miss This” and wondered if that might be a nice alternative to “cherish every moment”
Maybe, Janet, you could try, “it sounds crazy now, but one day, you’ll miss this.”
That’s not dismissive of her feelings, it’s not judging her lack of gratitude, it’s not unrealistic (we know we’ll miss it – most of it – so.very.much) and she won’t feel guilty because you’re not saying she needs to change what she’s doing now, you’re just saying there’ll come a time when the flaming hot rage will be a distant memory and her rose coloured glasses will only remember the sweet moments.
Better yet, you could simply say, “I MISS THIS” because that’s what you’re really saying, isn’t it?
#givemeafuckingbreakSusan #itshardenoughasitis #takeyourrosecolouredglassesandinserttheminyourthroat #ialreadyknow#imissitalready #cherisheverymother
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