Is there anything riskier than a third pregnancy that may result in a third son? Anything!? I can’t think of one.
A friend of mine is pregnant for the third time (and when I say “friend” I mean my sister. But, you know, sensitive to her anonymity etc.)
As soon as she announced it, she started getting The Comments.
“Ooh, maybe a girl this time?”
“Are you hoping for a girl?”
“Crossing fingers for a girl!”
Because (as you’ve probably guessed) she has already been cursed with TWO BOYS.
I know. Thank you for your heartfelt condolences. My family is dealing with this as best we can.
It is, by societal standards, incredibly challenging, exhausting and rather unfortunate to have Too Many Boys.
One son is wonderful. A blessing. A miracle even! Just ask the Chinese.
Two boys are hard work. There’ll be a lot of dirt and cars and penises to deal with but it’s not insurmountable. A mother and father, if they work together, can overcome.
Three boys!? DEE-SAHSTER.
Any more than three and we’ve ventured into urban legend territory.
I know a woman with five boys (and when I say “a woman”, I mean my cousin, but again, anonymity). People speak about “She Who Must Not Be Named” in hushed, incredulous voices, for fear Lord Voldemort himself will strike them down with a terminal case of willies.
“Did you hear about the woman with FIVE boys!?”
“Shhhh…”
The arrival of a third son (or fourth. Or fifth…) is met with a tinge of “Oh”. Like, “Oh my goodness THREE boys! Imagine the food bills!” or “Oh, you’re going to have your hands full!” or perhaps even “Oh, never mind, you can try for a girl next time” desperate pleading voice, please try again.
The arrival of a third daughter doesn’t get quite the same reaction of horror. It’s not a curse to have a house full of girls. It is, of course, grounds for endless jokes about Dad being “outnumbered” and how he’s going to have to get himself a shotgun etc etc. SO HILAIR. Crying/laughing emoticon.
But boys? Oh my word, you poor old duck! Are you drowning in a sea of Lego and Matchbox cars? How absolutely traumatic for you! How do you cope!?
So when my friend (sister) joyfully announced on social media that she’d soon be welcoming a third bundle of joy, it seemed like every comment slipped in a request for a girl. Like maybe if we all put together a petition, she could spontaneously change the gender of her growing foetus. The tribe has spoken.
One commenter simply said, “Congrats on a little princess for your family.”
????!!!
It was like her brain flatly refused to acknowledge the possibility of a third son. Nope. Not happening. Not on my watch. A daughter it will be!
Gender disappointment is a real thing. And I get it; people grow up dreaming of special girly time, painting their nails with their daughter, or throwing a ball around with their little boy (let it be known that my little brother had his nails painted on the daily by his two older sisters. Let not gender keep you from lacquering up your child).
But the joy, disappointment and acceptance of a child’s gender belongs to the parents and no one else. Not the grandparents. Not the aunties and uncles. Certainly not the Facebook acquaintances who never even bother to give your posts the old thumbs up but suddenly feel qualified to offer their two cents on your reproductive abilities.
So let’s play a fun game. Let’s assume the mum-to-be is happy with whatever she gets. Let’s not assume she’d be disappointed to give birth to a perfectly healthy, beautiful child that just happens to be ANOTHER little boy (or girl).
And for the love of all that is good and kind in this world, don’t let her know that you yourself are disappointed with the colour of baby she’s having because it’s got zero to do with you.
When I found out the gender of my baby, I had a ‘friend’ tell me she was upset I was having a boy. She actually mentioned it three times. She told me THREE times that she wished I was having a girl. THREE times she told me the baby I was growing was not what she wanted. What she was saying was that when he finally made it into the world, she would be holding him wishing he was someone else. That my perfect little boy wouldn’t be quite good enough for her.
See what I did here? Geddit? Because my boobs and bump look like a B. B for Boy. Whack that on Pinterest biatches.
She never ended up meeting him. Pity for her, because he’s really rather spectacular. And that’s not being biased or anything, it’s just a general consensus that my child turned out better than most. He’s really bloody brilliant.
As is every child. No matter what colour onesie they’ll be wearing home from the hospital.
UPDATE: The baby has finally arrived! Find out what my sister had over here.
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167 comments
I found this post as a recommend from another one on your site (Googling “homemade teepee”). This post is brilliantly spot on. I have 5 boys, and when they announced the baby shower at our (now former) church, there were audible groans. But that fifth boy was a balm to my soul, and despite him being my most difficult child, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m recently pregnant. It was a surprise pregnancy. I have always wanted more than two kids. But planned on waiting another year. I have always wanted all boys. I have two sons. Until recently I always felt like I would be perfectly happy with a house full of boys. More than happy, I’ve always wanted a house full of boys. My husband comes from a male dominated family (As do I. I have three brothers). My family and some friends have made me feel as if not having a daughter would mean I was missing out on something. I had my 12week scan and made my tech guess the gender. She didn’t want to but finally said, “I’m guessing boy.” She looked almost scared to tell me. My reaction- INSTANT RELIEF, smiles, laughter, and joy. She looked surprised. I just laughed, “I really do love boys!” I texted my husband (Thanks to COVID he couldn’t come to the appt the good news). I was completely happy the first day. Then the sadness set in. It hit me hard. I cried for a couple days. I got angry with my husband and blamed his cursed genes. LOL. I was confused and not understanding what was bothering me. I realized that people’s expectation and their potential reactions is what was bothering me. The pity. The judgement. The opinions. I can honestly say that this is the first time I have laughed in days. This blog made me laugh so hard. You captured exactly what I was feeling and my thoughts. I will admit. I am a tiny bit sad at the possiblity of never having a daughter. But its more the feeling of the unknown. The what if. “What if their right? I’m really missing out.” But then I think… “nah. I’m good.” lol
Love the picture it’s such a clever idea. I thought it just read oy until i read the caption.
I have a boy & my nan says “would of been nice if he was a girl” 😮😮😮
Mmm gee thanks nan.
I am currently pregnant & she says now that she hopes its a girl.
Like what is this obsession???
I love this, though it is sadly accurate about how society reacts to all boy families. My friend is one of 4 girls and I always think the tampon costs must have been horrific (this was before Costco came to Melbourne) not to mention the fights and he drama but nobody ever mentions that!
I’m pregnant with my 2nd and when I announced it my friend said “oooh I hope you get a girl this time so you have one of each” what the fuck? They’re not collectors items!
Hahaha, collectors items ? people get so involved in other people’s reproductive capabilities. I have a pigeon pair and people were SO impressed with my skills. Like I just forced my body to produce a girl child because I’m clever like that.
I came from a very female home, my single parent mother raise me and my two sisters, so having 3 boys under three came as more than a bit of a gender shock to me. Even our cat was a boy! I remember well all the “oh you poor thing” “what a shame it’s another boy” type comments when #3 arrived with a penis.
Now my boys have started reproducing, and guess what?, they’ve had boys! I have so much love for all the men in my life, big and little, and wouldn’t change any of them for even a second.
[…] I’ve been told people actually turn up to visit mothers in hospital to pass on their condolences over a third son or daughter. “I’m so sorry” or “maybe next time” or even “you must be so disappointed”… Don’t even get me started on the reactions to the fourth or fifth of a kind. A black veil and dark glasses would be required. […]
[…] who has taken the interwebs by storm with her hilarious reports from the frontline of parenthood. Sydney mum risks possibility of third son is the stuff of […]
[…] sure, let me get to work on choosing the gender of my ten week old fetus…. it’s just that easy. (For the record, I think it’s a […]
[…] people look at me with great sympathy and in a hushed tone say “Oh, three boys”. As the Thud says, three sons seems to be an epic disaster. There’s no need for sympathy people, it’s […]
[…] love it when she gets her ranty pants on… Sydney Mum risks possibility of 3rd Son Part 1 and Part […]
[…] Part One of this story has been read more than 120,000 times. I have no idea what made it so popular (I’ve written much better stuff people!). I can only assume there are thousands of mums and dads who have been weighed down by society’s disappointment in their inability to produce at least one child of each gender. Utter failures. Commiserations. […]
You turn up in the strangest places…I came to this story about boys….though Steve Biddulph’s FB page….he who I met at a foster carers conference, many years ago…
I had a pigeon pair….boy first…quiet, gentle, bookworm….daughter…aaahhh…the thoughts whilst pregnant of frill, lace and pink….turned out to be the biggest tomboy….wanted to wear boys clothes and insisted on being called Simon from age 4 to 5 yrs….Thankfully she has grown into the most wonderful women….but I love them both…however they were/are….:)
when I was pregnant with my third, all the comments were the same. I had two boys, only 18months apart & this baby would be only 15 months after the second, so comments went a little like this; ‘You’re crazy, 3 kids so close, but I guess, if you have a girl, it’ll be worth it’
‘Geez, I hope you don’t get stuck with another boy, especially THAT close in age’
‘Shit, don’t you own a TV…hahahahaha…still, you could have a girl’
‘Never heard of protection?’
‘What are you going to do if it’s another boy?’
& on & on & on….
Well, I DID have a girl, then I fell pregnant again, this time there would be an 19month gap. Comments? Something like this;
‘Why would you have another one, you got your girl?’
‘Why would you risk having another boy’
‘Cool, you might have another girl, that’ll match your two boys….but, *aghast*, what if it’s a BOY????’
‘You need to be locked up! 4 kids in 4 1/2 years, & maybe 3 boys’ *stands there pointing to own head, looping finger in crazy manner pulling weird face that supposedly indicates craziness*
‘I have no words’
All these words of comfort!
Anyhoo, number four was ANOTHER boy, much to the disappointment of lots of people, a lot of whom I no longer feel necessary to stay in contact with. My kids are now 21, 20, almost 19 & 17. They all have individual personalities, they’re caring, supportive (of me & each other) & & just great in general. Oh & by the way, my daughter is a tomboy, just like her mumma!
Wow. Thank you for opening my eyes… or heart. I always wanted a girl and have a 14 month old boy. Most friends (sister and friends) around have girls… uncomplicated little girls. My boy is extremely demanding and sensitive, but from birth on I never again thought of his gender – because I felt in love like every mother with her child 🙂
But your article and most of the comments made me think about my mind about possible further children, and !!! Of mothers with only boys. I really should be more respectful and less like “OMG 5 boys”
Although I didn’t commented like that very often it was always on my mind. Shame on me.
I had a boy then a girl three yeas later. I only wanted 2 children and honestly didn’t mind which ‘type’ I got. I had a couple of years of choosing pretty dresses until my daughter decided she hates anything pink, or remotely frilly and refuses to wear a dress under any circumstances. This has been going on for over 2 years so it seems to be set that she won’t be ‘girly’. It’s great, she can wear her brothers hand me downs and they like many of the same toys and games. People assume many things about girls and boys which have not been true for my children. My son is quite sensitive and a people pleaser and my daughter is much less friendly. I just wanted to point out that just because you get child of a certain gender doesn’t mean you can assume anything about their personality. I love my 2 little individuals and wouldn’t change them for the world.
Exactly Amy! Just because you get a girl, doesn’t mean you’re going to get a proper girly girl! They’re all just little people.
I love the sarcastic way this article begins. I’m the oldest of six kids and the only girl. My mom became well acquainted with people asking her if she was trying/hoping/praying for another girl. Even though I wasn’t thrilled to find out that my mom was pregnant with her sixth and then even less thrilled when I found out it was a boy (seriously? Another brother?!?), I’m now grateful my youngest brother ended up being a boy. That way the rest of my brothers’ existences wouldn’t be trivialized by people saying things like “oh you finally got your other girl.” My mom just loved kids and didn’t keep having them hoping for a girl. And I wouldn’t trade my youngest brother for a sister anyway. That’s what my best friend is for.
I am a proud mum of 5 boys & 2 girls.
And in all honesty I love that mix.
I am not a “girly girl” myself and find the boys so much easier to handle than the girls.
I did have one family member say that there were disappointed that I didn’t have a girl in my 2nd set of twins!! Because my other daughter needed a sister.. but she did get that sister with our surprise no.6 child!
I think that it is so unfair that society sees it as being important for people to have one of each gender…
I hope your new family member is born healthy and brings lots of love & joy to the family… regardless of his gender.
“I have two boys already and I love boys and this is my third boy which I am SO HAPPY about.” Cut them off at the pass… And really didn’t get any negative comments. I do now have people suggest that we try for a girl, even when I’ve said our family is complete. Which just means people know I love babies… Totally understandable!!
I have Wealthy Benefactor Disappointment Syndrome, this is the depression that occurs from not having someone in my life to give me outrageously extravagant gifts at their whim and allowing me to live the life I choose surrounded by gold, money, Ferrari’s and Gucci products.
“Gender Disapointment” is a fad, crock, and most importantly BS. The people diagnosed with it are actually suffering a terminal case of self focus, selfishness and ingrattitude.
If they took their actual eyes and minds off what the believe they need to fulfil them and place them firmly onto the things they can give thanks for the condition ceases.
You’re an interesting fellow Bruce!
Perhaps i’m being unfair or harsh, but as a father of twin boys I find myself incensed by the comments of the people re whom the blog post is about.
My wife and I underwent six years of infertility, tens of thousands of dollars and hell emotionally, physically and spiritually to conceive.
With millions of people worldwide desperate for a child, any child, people suffering from infertility & miscarriage, people who’ll go to desperate lengths to adopt, how is it that perfectly healthy people that can have a healthy, normal, well adjusted child be then mourning the fact of the child’s gender.!
My outlook is simply this, to be given the gift of life, a human being, to care for, love, and nurture to adulthood is a sublime privilege, i’m overwhelmed as a Dad and a parent to be entrusted with the lives of my children, I can conceptualise how people become depressed because the lucky dip that is conception and birth didn’t go their way.
Perhaps it’s simply a matter of people can’t truly appreciate how precious this process is till it’s taken from them.
Shalom.
Ahhh Bruce… I also come from a long hard road of infertility. It was 5 years for us, & I understand the frantic, sickening, all emcompassing obsession that comes with thinking you may never have a child. Having children was literally the only thing either one of us wanted to do with our lives. We have never chased careers & were not particularly interested in travel or adventure. we just wanted to be parents… and if we couldn’t be parents, who were we? We eventually decided to spend our money on adopting a child who needed a home rather than financially investing in producing a child who would be loved regardless of gender, ethnicicty or anything else. Lo and behold, the day after we were fully approved to adopt, after spending well over $10,000 on fees etc, I discovered I was pregnant. Amazing. I had a son. 2 years later, against all odds, I fell pregnant again. I desperately – DESPERATELY – wanted a daughter. I found out at 18 weeks I was expecting another boy and momentarily I was crushed. It lasted 10 minutes, I moved on, I was fine. 3 1/2 years later I have fallen pregnant again. We have just discovered I am expecting Boy # 3. This time, I wasn’t crushed, I was fully expecting a 3rd son. My husband, however, is DEVISTATED. Not because he has any ill feeling toward this child whatsoever, but because this is our last baby, & he knows, as I do, that we will never experience what it is to have a daughter. I think it is natural to desire both genders, regardless of fertility issues. I fully admit, if children were Made To Order I would have placed my order for a girl this time too. The struggle of infertility does not necessarily make one immune to gender disappointment. Nor does not experiencing gender disappointment make you a less selfish parent or more superior human being.
So eloquent Natelle xxx
I believe any struggle with infertility should help you render “Gender Disappointment” mute. If you can conceive you can’t know the taste from the bitter cup that so so many have sipped from.
In saying as much, I hope I never inferred that I was a superior human being Natelle.
I think the focus of my post is and always should be gratitude for what we receive.
Bruce, I think it’s important to acknowledge that everyone is allowed to feel what they feel, no matter what their circumstance. Everyone deals with life differently.
Each of my pregnancies I had expected a girl. Not that I particularly minded in the beginning but they just felt like girls. When I found out my 3rd child would be a 3rd boy I was crushed. I also felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. How could I have any right to feeling devastated when I’m having a healthy baby, while others either can’t have children or have lost children? Why am I so sad and feeling so guilty about being sad? I processed this for a few weeks and I realised I wasn’t sad for the boy I was carrying, I was mourning the loss of the daughter I thought I had. I had built up an image of her in my mind. I had named her, bought her pink clothes, imaged what her personality would be like and how she’d change the dynamics in our family. In one short trip to radiology all that was deleted. Discarded and forgotten, like she didn’t matter any more. She mattered to me. And that’s why I was so devastated, because I had to let her go. Gender disappointment is real for that reason. It’s not about not being happy with what you have. It’s about letting go of what could have been. Once I had accepted that I was able to think about my little boy and who he’d be, what we’d name him and how he’d change the dynamics in our family. Once they’re here you’d never change a thing. Any parent will tell you that. I wouldn’t swap any one of my boys. And now I see what an awesome brotherly bond my boys have, if I were to have a 4th I would hope for another boy! But yes, I have learnt not to expect anything now to avoid that feeling of having to let go. I understand Bruce’s thoughts in his own situation, but just realise we all process things differently and there’s more to it than just not getting what you want.
I’m 10 weeks away from having my third son and couldn’t be more excited to meet my new little man.
Both my boys are beautiful, smart, creative, funny, caring and so empathetic for such little people. My 6 yo encourages and cheers on his little brothers milestones and achievements.
And my almost 2 yo looks up to his big brother so much, you can just see love being from his eyes when he tells him his singing or drumming is wonderful or they play something together.
I feel lucky to be the mum of boys who will grow in a house full of love and respect and know one day they all will make wonderful men who will respect others and themselves.
So as far as comments go, I get them already that I can try again and I will smile and tell them that yes, I can as I’ve already got my fourth boys name picked 🙂
Haha, I love that! Nothing would infuriate them more than the thought you might actually WANT all these boys! You crazy mama you!!
I love the “Boys Club”. This is a special club of which mothers who are so fortunate enough to have 2 or 3 or more boys become a part of. It is a special club where there is only acceptance, dirt, noise, lego, nerf guns and footy!! I have 2 absolutely adorable boys who love each other unconditionally and strive to be the best possible person they could ever be. I am so proud of them and I know that they will continue to do so until I am no longer around. I was fortunate enough to fall pregnant with my 3rd child and secretly I was hoping for another boy because this boys club is just wonderful. However; for my husband who loves footy, cricket, motorbikes and the likes was hoping for a little girl so I was also torn in two because I knew how special my bond with my father was and wanted that for him. I had so many people ask me “what are you hoping for” or “Do you know if it is a girl” and since I did not find out the gender for any of my pregnancies I would reply ” I hope it’s a big fat healthy baby, or No – a special gift is all I know”. My sister has 3 beautiful girls – who I adore – but blimey – NOISE!!! They say that boys are dirt and noise – well I beg to differ because girls screaming is the loudest sound around! they fight, they pinch, they squeal……but the boys – go to bed on time, they play outside and only come inside when I threaten to lock the doors for the night. However, my husband and I were blessed with the most adorable, gorgeous and placid little girl who has filled our lives with so much love we did not know could exist. My boys adore her and she has us all wrapped around her bubbly happy and beautiful little finger. All who meet her love her – but I get so many comments on “Oh how beautiful, you finally had a girl” – like I finally won a running race, or I finally passed my exam!! I think what we all forget in the hype of pregnancy is that no matter what gender you will instantly fall so head over heels in love with this amazing human you have created that the gender issue is completely forgotten. I feel for the loving couples who are not able to have children – they don’t care what gender – they just want a child. So much hype on the gender – which is out of our control anyway. I love having both boy and girl – but if I had 6 boys my heart would still be as full of love as it is with having both boy and girl children,
Isn’t it funny how people think you’re SO CLEVER for finally producing a girl. Like you have special powers or something…
[…] had a huge reaction to a post before. My story about gender disappointment made a huge impact when I published it in October. It’s amazing to see thousands of people […]
Oh my lol..love what you wrote. I’m six weeks away from giving birth to our 8th son (we have one daughter who is 6 yrs old). Was I disappointed after the u/s? Well..yeah, a little..but I got over it quickly and am very excited about this new little man that will be joining us! And yes, I’ve had some very insensitive comments..especially from the checkers at Walmart. But that’s been going on since boy #3. 😛
[…] about having a third pregnancy and risking having a possible third son and all the commiserations. Sydney Mum Risks Possible Third Son is a must […]
[…] This made me laugh out loud… Sydney mum risks possibility of third son […]
I am the lone female in my house….even our dog is a boy. My husband and I have 4 boys. AND I WOULDN’T TRADE THEM FOR THE WORLD. My grandmother has told me many times, “honey, it takes a special woman to have all boys, and God knows what he’s doing so He knew what you could handle and the kind of mommy that those boys need.” I get so many people saying “NO GIRLS?! I AM SOOO SORRY.” My response is, “I’m not, God knew what I could handle and that’s what I’ve been blessed with. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” I am not devestated by not having a girl and either is my husband. There are times when we think that a little girl with pigtails would be nice but then we realize we weren’t meant to have a girl. AND instead of focusing on what we don’t have, we focus on the love, beauty and amazing gifts we’ve been given. Besides, this world needs more gentlemen and I’ve got 4 for the world. Besides…some day I will have 4 daughter in laws.
You sound like an amazing mum!! World definitely needs more gentlemen and it’s a very important job to raise them 🙂
I’m always saddened by people’s negative attitudes towards having children in general – since I have suffered from infertility I notice them an awful lot! Try dealing with infertility or secondary infertility. Gender is nothing to worry about or spend any time over, for some of us this is am so trivial. Treasure the children you do have and don’t listen to people who have (in my opinion) almost offensive attitudes. I wish this was all I and some of the others around me had to worry about!
After 7 years of trying to get pregnancy I was just happy to have a healthy baby my second was born with a missing ear and hearing impaired. I didn’t mention their sex because to me it doesn’t matter I love them equally.
Wonderful post, it really struck a chord with me. I have three boys and am devastated not to have a daughter. I feel like the luckiest Mum on earth to have them and my longing for a girl is seperate to my love for them. I just want to move on and enjoy them but peoples attitudes make it really hard. I can usually brush the comments off but when I am having a bad day they really stick.
I like how people are acknowledging that gender desire/disapointment is real but only for people to have for themselves, not for others. Just like it is wrong for people to assume people are only having a third to have a girl it would also be wrong for me to assume that all Mums with three boys feel the way I do and actually really do want a girl. I know some one with 4 boys and that is honestly what she always wanted. No one has the right to judge anyone else, no one can walk in their shoes.
I only ever wanted three children and so if I did have one more it really would only be to get a girl but no one else has the right to assume or comment. It is a painful subject that I try to push to the back of my mind and wish people wouldn’t feel like they have to comment on or feel sorry for me.
It is actually very insulting. How DARE they feel sorry for me for having my incredible kids. They are the BEST boys ever
I don’t have kids of my own (just OPP–Old People and Puppies) so I’m not experiential my qualified here.
However my BFF has three lanky, crazy, #wickedawesome, sometimes smelly (and not always in a good way) boys. Couldn’t imagine their family makeup any differently. Don’t let’s talk about the entertainment. Like when she texted to incredulously describe her eldest scratching his feet…with her cutlery.
I did notice what you did with your photo, using your belly
to form the “b” in boy. But to me, it looked like the graceful curve of the “j” in Joy.
Amen to the joy that is a child of any gender, color, culture. Joy expressed in human form.
Thanks for being awesome. 🙂
You’re not the first person to see JOY! I actually think that’s pretty cool. Because kids are a joy. No matter what you get xxx p.s you sound like an awesome Aunty to me 🙂
When I had my third baby and he was a boy the only person that said Congratulations was my friend that had 5 boys. Everyone else said things like “are you ok?” “oh thats a shame”, “you will have to try again” and the comments went on. I was just happy that I had a healthy baby regardless of the sex. I wouldn’t change a thing about my boys. They are all very different and all bring so much joy to my life.
And then 8 years later when we had a baby girl we got the usual, “oh you finally got your girl”. I never had a baby to have a particular sex. I had a baby because I wanted to and I prayer that they would happy and healthy.
[…] My last post was about the busy bodies who get all judgey and disappointed when women dare to produce multiple children of the same gender. (I mean, we all know that shit’s not on, but there are still women out there who keep popping out boys, flatly refusing to produce the little girl the neighbour really wants.) […]
I have a boy and a girl. my son is my oldest child. When I was pregnant with him I was just happy to be having a child after 10 years thinking I couldn’t have kids! Then 8 years later I very unexpectedly fell pregnant again. This foetus grew in to my daughter. Would I have been upset had she been a boy, um, just got to think about that one! NOT A BIT. A child is a child is a child. All different, some like art, some like maths (I was the maths geek, my son is the artist) some have penises, some have vaginas. I was happy with the genders of both of my kids and had I ended up with two boys I would have been as thrilled as having ended up with one of each. This all stinks of the crowd that think designer babies are ok. Guess what, my babies had a few designer outfits and that is as designer as we go! I didn’t get the ooohhh, wonder if it’s a girl comments on my second pregnancy. I had the ‘how will you cope’. I was one of those devil spawn woman who dare be without her ‘man’. My daughter is 4 now and our ‘man’ came back. How dare I want a specific sex, or think I can raise kids alone!
Oh, for crying out loud! This is brilliant. I’ve got two little boys (almost 4 and almost 2) and am due with my third CHILD in January. We wait to find out what we’re having until the baby is born, so I get 9 FULL MONTHS of the “ooooh, maybe you’ll finally get your girl!” comments (almost worth finding out the sex earlier so that people can just shut up about it and start to accept whatever gender it is). Whoever said I wanted a girl? That that was my life-long dream and goal?! Maybe having 4 boys is exactly what I’ve always wanted? Or MAYBE, just MAYBE… Maybe I’ll be thrilled with whatever child is born into our family? Yep, nun-ya-biz, strangers in Safeway. Thanks for this post. 🙂
Mom of 5 boys here! 🙂 All boys, just boys, my hands and heart are full! 🙂 I’d happily have 5 more boys too. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. I love these souls brought into my life and humbly work to raise them. 🙂 Comments from strangers (despite them really not mattering) frustrate me and make me sad. Said strangers generally share their hurtful thoughts on a house full of boys, with me, DIRECTLY in front of my kids. To hear repeatedly from strangers that you are awful or a mistake or of less value than a girl is just wrong. 🙁
Yes! This exactly! It always implies that boys aren’t as valuable as girls (or vice versa if you have a family full of girls). Eventually, hearing that constant message from adults, will start to affect kids. Just wrong.
My husband and I have the yours mine and ours family, all 3 of our children being girls. While I understand boys might cost more to feed, what about the drama of 3 teenage girls fighting over the bathroom, or paying for 3 weddings in the future? When we tell people we want to have another baby they assume its only because we are trying for a boy. What other logical reason could there be to keep having babies given our track record so Farr has only managed to produce girls? People need to mind their business
Mother of four boys here, and I love this post so much! The comments were bad enough with boy #3 – but when I told people I was pregnant with boy #4, it was literally all I could do sometimes not to punch them. The sympathetic looks, the consoling pats on the back, the flat-out disappointment … people can be sooooo rude! I was constantly reassuring them that I was completely excited to be having another boy – I mean at that point, I wouldn’t have known what to do with a girl anyway.
Why do people always assume that every mother wants a little princess?
I just had my 4th son and am greatful everything turned out great with him! Was a little disappointed that it wasn’t a girl but was pretty sure we were having a boy from the start because of the statistics in both our families and some health issues I have that makes it more likely to have boys! If you really want a specific sex of a child the only way to do so is through adoption and not everyone qualifies for that. People should just be happy that the child is healthy and so is the mother!
Actually you can do IVF with PGD for gender selection in some Countries
But then they throw out all the unwanted gender embryos, not everyone is comfortable with discarding perfectly formed start of life either.
I am not which is why if we decide to do it, we will be donating. Plenty of people donate and it is the only thing that makes it seem semi O.K to me. I still do not 100% agree with it but I am desperate.
If it can take away the pain I feel for not having a daughter then it will be so worth it. I can’t imagine feeling this way for the rest of my life. Not everyone who does gender selection is an immoral and ungrateful person. I am a good and level headed person and awesome Mother to my boys Just someone who is sad not to have their dream and is desperate to make it happen. Of coarse it would be best and most right to try and accept my life as it is but my youngest boys are 2 1/2 and honestly I can not see myself ever getting over my yearning to have a daughter as well.
I have nothing wrong with one gendered families, but for some reason can not accept it for myself despite having wanted boys before I had children. The heart wants what it wants. I wonder if it is such attitudes and peoples comment that have helped drive this desire/belief into me?
Regardless of what I do in the end, it would be easiest to do it without the comments of people who have no idea of how I feel. We may not do the IVF in the end so just in case I am trying to get over not having my daughter and these comments from people make it so much harder.
Also adoption is not for everyone. I know a bit about adoption having being adopted myself.
The point of my comment I suppose was to say that some people actually may have been hoping for a girl this time and to hear those comments when they are just wanting to love and enjoy their newest boy whilst simultaniously letting go of a dream can be painful.
I know gender shouldn’t matter.
I truely believe deep down that a healthy baby is all that matters but that is only good in theory because I am unable to get over my longing for a daughter. It is a luxery problem of coarse. Having been blessed to never really need to worry about my boys’ health I do lack perspective on how lucky I am.
But I do feel lucky every day to have them and feel so guilty for my other feelings
Your words reached in a way you’ll never know, I’m stuck in a gender delemia, some may say has no relation to what you wrote but to me your words have settled down my fears, OK back ground info my husband is the only male in his family to carry on the family name so as you can imagine the pressure to have a boy has been high, we now have 2 girls youngest being 2yrs, i was over the moon when the scan showed she was a girl but my husband was very disappointed and it took awhile for him to adjust this on top of everyone else’s displayed disappointmentmade me feel Ii had done something wrong and after the birth made it hard to bond with my beautiful daughter in the first weeks. I love both my girls and am very proud of them both, I just found out we expecting baby no3 I’m only 6 weeks and it’s already started from family and friends I’m feeling hurt and angry that people feel the need to make comments that turn what’s meet to be a happy exciting time into a time of insecurity and anxiety.
Ps sorry for punctuation I’m no writer lol, also like to add I am determined not to let anyone affect my feelings toward this baby girl or boy I’m one happy mummy 🙂
Yep, another “poor” mother of 2 boys here, pregnant with a yet-unknown gender baby that I’m certain will also play for Team Blue. The comments are INSANE. This gave me a good belly laugh. Thanks xx
I grew up without a father and I was terrified at the thought of having a boy. Turns out having a boy is wonderful! He is the first boy in my line of the family so he is growing up with a great-grandma, a grandma, 3 aunties and one female cousin! Other than his father there are absolutely no other males on my side of the family. There are plenty of boys on my husbands side of the family but they live in a different country. I had always craved a girl before we had our son but now I am terrified that we will have a girl next because I am sooo used to having a boy that despite all of my practise helping out with my sisters when they were babies I feel like I would not know what to do! I know that a lot of people would like one of each and we have already had a pot of people saying ‘ooh hopefully you will have a girl next time’ and I have a feeling that will continue happening once we do fall pregnant with number 2. It does not matter what gender your child is. Every child is a blessing no matter what and people telling you that your family will not be complete until you have atleast one of each gender is just absurd!
I once knew a woman with one son and 2 daughters, she REALLY wanted another son to make it 2 of each. At 20 weeks she got some random pee test from the states and it said it would be a girl…sure enough it was. She rejected the baby for the first 10 days, which I had the baby in my care for…between her husband and I we managed to convince her to either seek help of give it a try. She took her baby back, and over time they started to bond. It was a devastating situation for the baby, hard on us, but at the end of the day was in the best interests of the baby.
As for your sister….I wish her well and hope her baby arrives safe and well.
You are hilarious! Your writing sense of humor cracks me up, big time.
I completely agree with this article! My sister has 4 gorgeous boys. We have one fantastic son of our own and a daughter who was born sleeping. I can’t tell you how many people (despite our broken hearts) say, ‘what a shame you lost a girl! After so many boys in the family…’
Some of us just want a living baby. I don’t care if it’s a he/she or an it.
i have 3 beautiful, gorgeous, outgoing, energetic, delightful little boys. When I was pregnant with my 3rd I was so surprised how everyone wanted me to have a girl and actually gave me girl things! We haven’t found out the gender of our children till they were born. We were both delighted to be blessed with a 3rd little boy. I am currently trying to figure out whether to have a 4th. In all honestly I don’t have any desire/need to have a girl, in fact having a girl scares me sooooooooooo much. I am not a pretty or cool girl, always felt like I was on the outer at school and girls can be so mean. I alm somewhat relieved that as it stands I won’t have a to deal with periods and bras and moody teenage girl and boyfriends etc etc. in fact my fair of having a girl is now somewhat putting me off having a 4th child which is somewhat hilarious because if we do I know the whole pregnancy I will be surrounded by comments of I hope you have a girl…
I love this article! I have two boys then a girl. I still get people commenting that ‘oh it must be nice, you have a girl now’. Sometimes I tell them that I really wanted another boy (which I did at the time) and they just dont know what to say back.
we have 4 boys, and yes, I really wanted the last one to be a girl. As soon as he was born I said “you’re On my way!, I think God wants me to have boys and He must have a good reason for it” and we never looked back. Now, I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for my boys, no matter what people say.
My MIL had 10 boys (and 3 girls). She is the most laid back mother I know, probably because she’s seen it all! Our first was a boy, our second a girl. What I found annoying was that several people were vocal about how we had “the perfect family” because we had one of each! And now that we have 3 (another girl), does that make our family no longer perfect? Yeesh, I’m a mom, not a child collector!
The pigeon pair is the ultimate in parenting success, isn’t it? I had my second (a girl, after a boy), and was then bombarded with ‘oh, so you’re done then’. I even had it when pregnant with my third, and seeing people’s faces drop when I told them that our youngest was going to be a little brother for both his older siblings was hilarious (our eldest was at school, so I’d only have my daughter with me). People are always going to question thw validity of your family composition
My husband and I were also brilliant enough to have one of each. Proper planning and all that! (NOT!)
When we went for our third (sadly born sleeping) we received many hilarious comments about my husband being a hairdresser so ‘who knows what you’ll get’!
It may be expensive to feed lots of boys – but sanitary requirements for a houseful of girls??? Please imagine the cost! That’s just too icky to talk about, so no-one mentions it.
Hello fellow Cookie,
I’m one of those urban legends- a mother of four boys.
It amazes me how people feel free to pass comment. Here’s my response…
http://www.stayathometerritory.com/2014/09/10-things-you-should-and-shouldnt-say.html
Great article,
S
Great article… Def gave me laugh! I have three beautiful, loving and energetic boys… For me there really wasn’t any disappointment when I found out at the scan, but probably more of a overwhelming concern that “another” boy would not be loved and embraced by friends and family, as much as he would’ve been if he was a girl. I’m sure there will be times where I am long to have a family with a lil girl, but I’m almost certain that others will long for the amazing dynamic I have with my three lil men… They really are so much fun… They are genuinely the best of mates and it is just a beautiful thing to see. Every combination of gender brings with it a unique dynamic… Each should be celebrated for what it is!
Loved this… But I’m going to be pedantic anyway and say “the mother will be happy with whatever she gets as long as her baby is healthy” – of course we all hope for a healthy baby- for baby’s sake, but the subtle Implication of the phrase “I just want a healthy baby” is that an unhealthy/disabled child would suddenly not be wanted. And if you were a child born unhealthy/ disabled, that you must’ve been such a disappointment to your parent. Food for thought from a mum of a forever-four year old angel. Let’s all just say “all I want is a baby” and leave it at that xx
Saying “I just want a healthy baby” is not the same as not wanting an unhealthy/disabled baby. No one wishes for an unhealthy/disabled child, but that does not mean that most parents of unhealthy or disabled child do not love the child or do not want the child. Only “I do not want an unhealthy/disabled baby” means “I do not want an unhealthy/disabled baby.”
I am guilty of saying all I want is a healthy baby. After I lost my first baby, everyone was asking what I’d hoped for in my second pregnancy. All I wanted was a healthy baby, and in my opinion that just meant getting to term, and delivering a baby who I could hold, love and protect from that very moment. Ability or disability didn’t come in to my thoughts as I would love and cherish my little one regardless. Hearing that first cry meant that everything would be ok… The only thing that’s driving me bonkers now is I have two little boys and the pressure I’m getting to go for a third for a girl is insane! My baby is only 4 months old!
I’m sorry for your loss, it’s unfair and it’s heartbreaking xx
Loved the article, and so true! We have been blessed with a daughter followed by three sons, and still get the odd comment asking if we will try for another girl to keep my daughter company (at almost 13 years of old, I don’t think a little sister would be that much company for her!). The only pregnancy that I hoped for a specific gender was my fourth, and I was hoping for a little girl. My second son died during pregnancy (my third pregnancy), and I was very concious that I didn’t want our fourth child to be a ‘replacement’ for him, not that that is even possible. The easiest way to ensure that didn’t happen seemed to be if our fourth child was a girl (the mind doesn’t always think rationally in grief). But another little boy came along, and he has his own special place in the family, he certainly doesn’t live in his brother’s shadow. And that momentary ‘grief’ at his birth when I was told I had another little boy faded as soon as I saw him, along with the overwhelming gratefulness that he was healthy and had survived pregnancy. Little boys and little girls are all blessings, no matter what combination of genders make up the family 🙂
At the start of this year I fell pregnant for the 1st time. My long distance mother in law started messaging and ringing me every few days with concerns for the new baby’s health, was I going to get a scan? Had I had a scan yet to find out the real due date? (Because I can’t do the mathematics) I should get my iron checked because I’m a vegetarian (all vegetarians rolling their eyes at how ridiculous people sound asking this question, google iron levels in foods people and discover that iron is higher in a lot of beans and nuts than any meat!!) (this is all in the 1st trimester too mind you) anyway I made the silly silly silly mistake of one day texting ‘I hope it’s a girl’ (my husband and I were gender dreaming of a girl- our right as parents) she wrote ‘doesn’t matter what sex!!’ I thought oh no she is one of these people that like to make themselves sound better at making people feel guilty about not saying ‘I hope my child is healthy’ RAAAH when people gender dream they aren’t bad people and of course the no.1 hope is for a healthy child, for most people it goes WITHOUT saying. Anyway she came to stay a week later and had the hide to change her tune and say ‘I want to see my son with a son’ (never mind what your son wants!!) so then I thought that I should say the reason behind my gender dreaming..I said ‘I wouldn’t mind a girl first because (I am a child care teacher and have been for 11 years with experience with literally thousands of children) they are independent faster (they toilet faster, have language faster, learn to dress themselves faster, all a generalisation but true for a bigger percentage) and they are nurturers’ (females are born with their eggs and have a natural instinct to nurture) these were two qualities I thought would be nice to have in the older sibling. Anyway less than 2 weeks later we lost the baby at 14 weeks along, 2 weeks after that my 12 year old dog was put down, 1 week after that was my birthday…my mother in law didn’t message or ring me once for any of these things. 1 week after that I was back in hospital for a second curette to remove pregnancy remains that were still in me a month after a miscarriage…1 week after the 2nd curette I passed more fetal tissue and became an unknown to O&G doctors. My heart was completely broken and my head was in the saddest and most confused place it’s ever been…for months and months. The next time I saw my mother in law when we were alone she said something about my sister (who was pregnant) and whether she knew the sex I said no but a psychic said she is having a girl, my mother in law said ‘I think it’s better to have a boy first’ (opposing my opinion) and it upset me but I said nothing, I didn’t want to stoke the ‘out of control, lacking in all empathy’ fire, plus I was so very messed up in the head at the time that I didn’t know how to respond…anyway the NEXT time after that that I saw her (a couple of months later) she got me alone again and asked what my sister was having I replied ‘a girl’ (20 week scan had revealed the psychic was right) with a big smile and she said it AGAIN ‘I think it’s better to have a boy first’…..this is not a stranger with no clue as to what we had been through this was a woman that knew all details of our horrendous experience and still felt that her fucked up opinion was more important than having empathy, love and understanding. I think it’s better to have a real live child first. The joy of our first child was ripped away from us in an extremely traumatic way and I will never know the joy of that. I am finally pregnant again and have had a few scares and it has been a paranoia filled scary experience so far that we have not informed the mother in law of…she took away her right of being informed of this pregnancy when she opposingly and forcefully put her negative opinions on us but especially when she kept going with it after our baby was dead anyway, what a very messed up woman. People you have every right as parents to gender dream, it’s fine. But never ever do you have the right to do it over other peoples children.
I’m sorry for your loss, I’m saddened by your story to the point of writing this reply( I never comment like this) I hope and pray that you have a healthy baby and know the joys of motherhood. You have clearly already experienced great sadness, and deserve great happiness. Good luck with everything and continue to dream and wish big!
Thankyou very much for your comment. I too almost never comment on things but felt this article to be hitting on a few notes close to home so I thought I’d share my story. Xoxo
You know I actually feared having a boy before I was pregnant. Growing up without a dad I was wondering what the hell I would do with a boy because I never even had a male role model so how the hell am I meant to know what to do with a baby of the male variety? I ended up with a girl and while I love her so much and am so happy I got my little girl to play hairdressers with etc I’m now actually hoping our next baby is a boy. The majority of my friends have boys and I’ve come to realise they’re not really that scary after all. In fact they’re quite cute.
We have a 3 year old daughter. I was pregnant last year with another girl and we were beyond excited. Our baby was stillborn two weeks before her due date. I understand that gender disappointment exists but I think that when extended family members and friends start expressing their disappointment on the gender of the child, we have lost sight of the fact that to bring a baby home from the hospital is a miracle. A person is fortunate if their baby is alive.
It really is.
Mum of 1 girl and 4 boys…. they never did manage to lose those little doodles before they were born… (maybe if they had fully baked??) lol
Loved this!!!! Good afternoon giggle here!
I remember after number 2 was born and i had my pigeon pair… and the comments at his christening when he was 6 months old… “oh well you have your pigeon pair now, your all done”….. needless to say none of the family knew at that time that #3 was already baking…. lol
Anyway – i cut my losses after the 4th boy was born and dealt with the issue… partly cause i gave up trying to get just one more girl and then we had the whole premature delivery #3 issue…. – as much as i love my little boys – DEAR GOD IM SOOOOOOOOO OVER THE MOON not to have to do this again! lol (youngest is 2 now and I’m badly hanging out for him to start school already cause i just need a break from them!!!! lol)
OH for anyone reading and are up the duff with 2nd, 3rd, 4th…. what ever number your up too (although if its your 4th I’m sure your onto of it already 😉 ) – they really aren’t that bad – they can be wonderful little sweet hearts when they wanna be… and well aren’t little moody …. BEEPS…. like that one little miss of mine is at times….. enjoy them 😉
I had two boys, 13 months apart. 8 years later I was pregnant with twins and the comments flew thick and fast, “oh you have two chances for a girl!!!”
At a scan I was told I was having a girl and a boy. It took 7 days for the smile to be wiped from my face by a follow up scan showing that I was definitely having two boys.
I suffer from gender disappointment and I’m not proud of it. It feels selfish to even admit it but all my life I dreamed of having a daughter. 6 years later , I’ve come to terms with it. I have the four most amazing, smart, loving, quirky sons around. I wouldn’t trade them for anything; not even a girl.
I figure that with four sons my chances of having a beautiful little granddaughter to spoil in the years ahead will be highly probable… and even better is that I can hand back grand kids at the end of the day 😀
The article is so correct though, gender disappointment belongs to the parents. I felt so down every time other people felt bad about me having two more boys. It felt like they thought my babies wouldn’t be good enough just because of their gender. No parent should have to be made to feel that way by others.
No parent ever should, ever! My mother in law kept going on about gender even after we lost our baby. I get most hurt in life when people treat me in a way that I would never even dream of treating them but their behavior really makes me reflect on my own and helps me become a better person in life, so I guess I should be grateful haha. There are pros and cons to every situation, people are naive and are exposing their narrow minds when they fail to see the pros. Xo
Loved the article as a mum to 3 boys I did get all those comments! Yes it’s hectic, busy and the food bill is huge, but we wouldn’t have it any other way! There was a dreadful article in the Herald Sun liftout on how those with boys crave daughters, lol. How sons will leave us one day and daughters will always be there. Shame you don’t write for them as your article way more factual and realistic!
Thanks Sue! xxx
GOSH I have heard all of that and so much more….I am the proud Mama to Five boys – and I have heard everything you can think of…..
“Oh you poor thing, will you be trying for another one so that you can get your girl”
to ….
“Oh five sons, how do you cope?”
to…
“God will have the gates opened up wide for you when its your time cause you have survived raising so many sons”
to….
“Gee you poor thing, didn’t you try for a girl”
to….
“so will you be going back for one more to see if you can have a girl”
to…
“Oh don’t you own a TV”
and Yes I too lost a few friends with our last son cause we didn’t get congratulations we got told we were “so very sorry for you” !!!!
Will I wouldn’t want it any other way – I love my family 🙂
Welcome, from the opposite side of the world… girl land! I have 3 girls, and with the announcement of my 3rd pregnancy I heard much of the same. I understand that many are unhappy with the gender of child that has decided to exit my body. We should have just swapped babies obviously 😉
Ha! Obviously! That’s what gets me Marianne – that it’s so concerning for OTHER people what child you have. What’s it got to do with them?
I had these comments when I was pregnant with my 3rd. I had already had 2 boys and everyone asked if I was hoping for a girl….seriously I was just hoping to get my renovations finished in time so my baby didn’t have to live in the washing basket at the end of my bed!
I did end up having a girl but was adamant that I would be happy either way, and 3 was definitely my limit!
But alas, the comments about being finished and finally getting my girl still continued…although now I get the endless ‘you need to have another one to even up the numbers’ comments….ummmmmm NO!!! No way I am going back 10 years later! lol
my husband and I are richly blessed with our one beautiful child. There can be no more. When the inevitable questions begin about having more children, I let it be known that we stopped when we reached perfection.
Im a proud mum of 7 yes 7 boys !!! lol we have 1 girl (3rd bub ) andim 36wks with number 9 no wehavent been trying for another girl (who in their right mind would have another 6 kids just to get a girl ?? really ?) everyone including my kids is sooo sure this is a girl and if it is lovely but you know what im very happy with my herd of boys 10,8,5,4,4,2 and 16mths and im sure our 7yr old daughter will b fine with another brother just as we will b very happy with another son if thats what we are lucky enough to b blessed with 🙂
Great read! I’m pregnant with my 3rd child and I’m lucky to have been blest with 2 beautiful boys already. I’m due any day now and yes of course I would love a little baby girl to complete my family. However I will be happy as long as my bundle is healthy and girl or boy it will be loved unconditionally.
Great article! I’m currently pregnant with my third girl, and I couldn’t be more excited! So many people thought we’d have a boy, especially my family. I think they were disappointed when we found out that it’s a girl, but it doesn’t matter what they think! Baby girl is perfect and healthy and that’s all that matters!
And no, we aren’t trying for a boy! Everybody keeps asking, but this babe is our last!
Thanks for writing this article!
I actually have a boy and a girl, but what drives me nuts are the people who automatically assume that now we’re done having kids (OBVIOUSLY, because why else would someone try to have a child except to complete the set? Nothing is missing so we must be totally done now!) UGH!
We have two girls. A blonde and a redhead. I often get asked if we will try for a boy. If anything, we!’ll try for a brunette.
HAHAHAHAHAAAA….. Oh I LOVE this Kris. Thank you for the belly laugh.
Sooo true. My sister has 3 boys and I had one when I bacame pregnant with my 2nd child. Everyone kept saying ‘oh I we hope you have a girl, your poor parents will have 5 grandsons otherwise’.
I actually desperately wanted a girl myself, to finally do something my sister hadn’t, even my friends were concerned that if the baby was a boy I’d reject him. Until 6 months pregnant and at my brothers wedding my new sister-in-laws mother said to me “I hope you have a girl, it will take the pressure off ‘Marie'”. That’s what did it, I got angry not only with all these people but also with myself. I decided that I’d be happy either way, I mean i’d already waited seven years since my son was born to have another child, I was blessed no matter what I had.
In the end I got what I wanted – a girl, and you know what – it made no difference with my mother, she still favours my sisters boys 19 years later.
So moral of my story is – the life you give to these children is a blessing to both yourself and them – live them, enjoy them no matter what or who they are.
I have not long had baby number 5, I have now a little girl who comes after 4 big brothers. The comments I have received have been unreal, and beyond annoying.
Whilst pregnant I got ‘are you hoping for a girl’ to which I ended up replying that I did not care what it was but that I just wanted it to be over.
And now I have had a girl ( who was a pleasant suprise ) I have had comments such as ‘so you got your girl!’ To which I grit my teeth, smile and walk away.
And since I have now had a child of a different sex people have been telling me I can stop now….
I do believe I had planned on stopping anyway, this body has done 5 pregnancies and isn’t to keen to do anymore.
In the end I have an adorable daughter, my boys who stated the last two pregnancies that they did not want a sister love that they have their own princess ( their words ) and my husband and myself were relieved that we didn’t need to come up with another boy name!
This was a great article and just what I needed to read! I have a 17mth old son and am pregnant again with a boy. I was hoping for a girl and went thru a slight disappointment but now I am over joyed at the thought of brothers! However dealing with EVERYONES else’s disappointment and “not believing” has become hard 🙁
I had a sister in law tell me she was disappointment when she found out I was having a boy as there is only one other girl on that side of the family. I don’t even know what to say when people say stuff like that to me…I am excited now so please stop taking that away from me!
Argh, this makes me so angry!! I know exactly what you mean because I felt the same way when I found out I was having a boy. I didn’t care but I knew everyone else was wishing for a girl. I just wanted everyone to be as exited about him as they would be for a girl. It’s not his fault he was a boy! But my husband told me “if anyone is not thrilled with our baby, they can fuck right off” and he was totally right. Don’t let anyone ruin your excitement! It’s YOUR beautiful baby, not theirs. CONGRATULATIONS on your perfect baby!! xxx
It is your excitement! I don’t know what the hell is wrong with people who see you happy and want to shit all over it….maybe they’re jealous….who the hell knows?! I do know the older I get the more messed up people I discover in the world. If you are happy that is ALL that matters.
Love it! You really have a beautiful way with words. I have two girls and am very happy with that. Having multiple children of the same gender actually is a positive. They share a room, hand down clothes and have similar interests. Win/win!
i understand this article to the fullest!! I am a proud mom of a 7 yr old and 5 yr old (Both Boys 🙂 ) and just recently found out I am expecting #3. I am one that always wanted a little girl to do her nails and have girlie time but I have a gut feeling that I will be blessed with 3 little boys. Due to my terrible karma with how bad I was as a child and teen I know that’s my fate hehe. But I know once I hit 12 weeks which is another 6 weeks away I will get all those “I hope it’s a girl” “aww wishing pink for you” and everything else obtaining to a little princess and don’t get me wrong Id be very happy and the baby making shop would be closed if I got one, but at the end of the day like every other mother I just want a happy, healthy, whole child boy
This is hysterical!! We had 2 boys and then when our youngest was two decided to have a third baby and we got all those comments and then we found out we were having twins! And we got the “I hope at least one is a girl” comment all the time! Both were boys and my motherinlaw was devastated! We were showing them the DVD of the ultrasound where we found out the sex of them and after the first one was shown to be a boy her comment was “oh bummer I hope the next one is a girl” and when it was a boy she was SAD! Really?? I have two healthy boys growing inside me and you are sad one isn’t a girl!
Then when my sister found out her second was a girl (first was -you know- sadly a boy) my mother had the balls to call me and say “aren’t you excited!? We’re finally getting our girl!” Because as you know four healthy, smart boys are extremely disappointing. 😉
Holy fuck this is infuriating. And heartbreaking for your gorgeous boys. They deserve to have everyone celebrate their existence, not push them aside the second they “finally” get a little girl. What if the little girl is a complete turd!? Just because she’s a girl, she’s better!? I think everyone just wants to buy cute girl clothes which is so damn pitiful.
I completely agree! I struggled with it for awhile and then just decided it didn’t matter, if they didn’t value my boys then my boys should spend more time with those that do and love them to pieces!!
That’s the way to get your own back! Only people who are overjoyed at the arrival of this little bundle get to enjoy all the cuddles and snuggles and yummy baby smell.
We have 3 children and our first two were boys. When we entered the third pregnancy, we had so many comments like “are you hoping for a girl?” or “a girl would be nice”… maybe I’m a little different but I was a little frightened by having a girl because I was so used to boys I thought “what would I do with a girl??” I found the prospect of a girl a little daunting! That being said, our second boy was born with a number of ‘issues’ and the beginning of his life was unexpected and scary (he’s fine now!) but having gone through an experience like that I honestly just wished for a HEALTHY baby! I know as mothers we all say that – but secretly underneath we kinda hope for one or another – but with baby number 3 it’s ALL I cared about!! I am VERY thankful to say that baby number 3 was born HEALTHY and a GIRL! But make no mistake – she is adorable – but she’s a handful!
So true! I think once you’ve had a scare with a child’s health, you realise how trivial all this stuff is. Every time I feel like complaining about sleepless nights and tantrums I think “what if I didn’t have him at all” and I smarten up pretty bloody quick and realise I’m so lucky to have a healthy bubby. It’s the ONLY thing that matters.
I couldn’t agree more! We have 3 children. Our first was a girl & second & third were twins. A pigeon pair (boy & girl). I had so many people comment, “oh lucky you got a boy, or at least you got one boy”.
I never made a declaration on what gender of baby I wanted so why should it matter to anyone else? I did always state that we hoped bubs was safe & healthy & they all were which to us was the most important thing.
I am the proud mum of 4 gorgeous girls. I can relate to all the comments but on the girl side of things. Not content to stop at throwing comments during my pregnancy or in those early days, as my girls reach the teen years the only comments we seem to get are now about how awful it will be in our house with hormones and pmt. my poor husband …. How will he cope, hope he has a man cave to escape too, 5 bitchy girls (myself included). I can’t believe that people constantly feel the need to pass judgement. Each of my beautiful girls was much wanted and we are very happy with our family. We would have loved boys just as much. Gender was never important to us – we just wanted a family. Please let us enjoy them without your negative comments.
I had a boy and a girl and when pregnant with my third child people said “Why would you have another, you already have one of each”. I don’t think it matters what you have, everyone will always have an opinion. Just “smile and wave” and get on with your own life.
As a mum of two boys people often asked if I am going to have another child to try for a girl…and appear shocked when I say no I am happy with my two adorable boys… Oh go on they’re I’ll say like I should not think of the cost, or even that I was incredible ill during my last pregnancy…they feel the right to insist I have another child to satisfy their desire for a girl…. How could I possibly be happy with my two amazing sons, wouldn’t I love to buy girls clothes and have girl things in my house…I mean it’s like they think having boys means your house turns into a giant playground with no boundaries or rules where if you want to own a teapot collection (which I do) is an impossible dream that can only be achieved by walking though a field of broken teapots….boys rule…and I wouldn’t change them for the world…
Having eleven sons, and yes no daughters. I can relate to this story, I have heard these comments for forty years now, they get tiring. I would not swap one of my boys, my husband and myself could not be any more proud of our still growing family. Yes I have grown older with cars, motor bikes, surf boards, girl friends and all the boys things, but that’s what makes our family so very special. Love my boys wouldn’t have it any other way. Very happy mum.
I just had my fourth boy 6 weeks ago. You hit the nail on the head! Three months after I had my third boy, my sister gave birth to her second child, her first daughter. My mother-in-law actually had the audacity to ask me if I was jealous. Jealous? Really? Jealous that my sister gave birth to a healthy daughter and gave me a sweet niece to be auntie to and that I only had a measly healthy boy to be a mother to? You’re really asking me that??
It’s shocking that people feel the need to say any more than “Congratulations on your beautiful healthy baby!”. It doesn’t matter what the sex is, they still poop, puke and cry the same.
Hahahaha, love the name comment! We have 4 boys. And 7 girls. 🙂 We’ve heard EVERY comment under the sun. But we love them all anyway! 🙂 Especially when they’re all asleep. 🙂
I always planned on having 4 kids & last month had my 4th boy. I’m just very grateful I could give birth to 4 healthy, beautiful babies with no complications what so ever. While pregnant with my 3rd usual conversation with people was “when you due, oh I hope you have a girl”, can you imagine then the 4th!! & now I’ve even had people ask if I’m going to go again ,5th, for the girl!! I love all my boys & wouldn’t have it any other way.
By the way grandma has 7 grandsons only, loves them all.
Boys are great. Girls are great. You know, human children of any sort are great.
I actually looked at the “Boy” picture and saw the curve of the baby belly not at a B for boy, but as a J (albeit a little lopsided). As in, an awesome bundle of Joy.
Hmmm… don’t know whether to love that you saw Joy, or worry about my lopsided belly and boobs…. ha! 😉
I saw JOY too. Maybe as a bundle of joy, not because of the shape. I think pregnant bellies are beautiful and it is an amazing thing to bring a life into the world.
I have 2 beautiful boys. I currently notice friends and family show much less affection and interest in my 2 yo boy than they show in other baby girls of the same age. People are always calling girls precious and beautiful. Boys need the same love and cuddles. They are beautiful too! It makes me sad they can’t see they treat boys differently.
That is truly upsetting. Can you imagine what that does to a little boy? They notice these things. He could grow up believing he’s not as loveable as a girl. This makes me want to go and smother my little boy with kisses and cuddles. Lucky your boys have a mum who will give them all the affection they need!
Huh! “JOY” is what I read it as when I first saw it too. But maybe that’s because the middle name of our FOURTH daughter is Joy. And yes people always ask me if I feel outnumbered and if I have a shotgun. Answer is always “gee I’ve never heard that before”.
All children are a blessing regardless of gender.
I also saw Joy 🙂
I have twin girls. I’m not even pregnant and people are telling me that I have to have twin boys to match.
Having the opposite (I have three girls) I totally understand, some people really need to think before they speak……when I found out I was having another girl I felt sad that I’d never have a boy but I dealt with it and now absolutely love having girls especially shopping for them!
Love this! It’s so damn true! And do you know, I actually know a woman with 7 boys! The horror! And can you believe, she now has 5 daughters-in-law, 5 grandsons, 3 grand-daughters and one unknown entity currently still in transit (but due to arrive any day now). As far as I can tell she seems to be recovering fine from the sheer hell it clearly must have been raising all of those boys, what with all the joy and love she had to deal with on a daily basis!
I have two girls and from the minute we found out #2 was a girl we had people asking us if we were going to go again and try for a boy, were we disappointed that it was another girl, surely we’d really love a little boy too. Honestly? I don’t give a fig if I’ve got girls or boys and I’m quite happy with the 2 beautiful CHILDREN that I have and if I feel the need to go again (which I highly doubt) I will of course be telling everyone that we are trying for another girl, just to screw with people!
I am the first born gorl on my payernal dide since 1898. The 12th ‘man’ so to speak. I was born overseas (Singapore) while my Dad was stationed there for work. A Telex (it was 1971) was sent to family in Melbourne & one response was “Are you sure? Check again!”
BTW, There has been no more girls born since… And on my maternal side 1 girl later in 1971 & 1 girl in 2008. We all have smelly toilets.
Apologies for typos!!
After losing my third child during pregnancy, I was told by my Aunty that it would have been my ‘boy’ as I had two older daughters and I couldn’t carry boys????
Wrong, it was actually my third daughter and I miss her everyday. My fourth child was a son which I knew during the pregnancy. People would tell me that I would have a girl as I already had 2!?! What the……..I would just look at them incredulously but say nothing.
It’s amazing how many people can see into your womb, have a degree in genetics or are obstetricians, NOT!!!!
If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all!
This leaves me quite speechless
Seriously no idea. Some people are so stupid and so naive. Grrr.
I am glad she never got to meet your baby boy! Is that a bit spiteful of me? hehe. But seriously, a human life is a life and thats special enough!
Not spiteful at all! I’m pretty happy she didn’t either 😉 Especially since I wasn’t actually having the baby for HER!!
Lol. It’s the first time to your sight and I have really enjoyed this post.
I am considering my 3rd baby, and yes I have …. (gasp) 2 boys already. Would I dare risk it??
Love it! I have one little boy and have a second bub on the way. I was gunning for another boy but found out if was a girl just recently. All happy. Nice surprise and all, but if another person says to me “oh a pigeon pair!” I’m going to have to shove a hand-me-down blue singlet down their throat.
I love the shock in their voice when I tell them I was hoping for a boy. 😉
lol I am the same I have a little boy already and had our second bub last year and same as you was actually hoping for another boy but had a girl she is beautiful and I would never change her for the world, but it really is fascinating how many people comment on how “Lucky” we are to have gotten one of each, and ask me Why? when I say I would have been happy to get another boy..
I remember feeling somewhat guilty when I was pregnant for wanting another boy because everyone usually tries to get the opposite sex for their next bub and here I was wanting the same sex again and people couldn’t understand why??..
Omg I am stuffed then because I am a very proud mum to 6 beatiful sons ages 27,24,20,17,9 & 7 I would never have it any other way I have been given the greatest gift I could ask for by being their mum
I remember when I was having them I always got the “oh I bet your praying this one is a girl” when in fact I scared it was a girl as I wouldn’t want her to feel left out of the boys strong bond
OMG I’d be stoked with 3 boys! I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I found out Violet was a girl. I literally cried. In IKEA I broke down because my woodland themed boys nursery was now defunct. Do you know how many months I spent in Pinterest planning that shit? I’ve had 20 odd months to come to terms with this travesty…lucky she’s pretty that’s all I’ll say
Haha Marns!! Gorgeous little V. I have to admit I was upset when I found out I was having a boy. Not because I didn’t want a boy, but because our family is FULL of little boys. I mean we ONLY have little boys. So I was upset that maybe our families wouldn’t be as excited for another boy as they would be for a girl. I got over it pretty quickly. His gorgeousness did help a lot. Our little blue eyed blondes 😉
Wait – so a woodland themed bedroom is not OK for a girl? I’m super confused. I assume the reaction was due to pregnancy hormones and not a genuine fear that cute woodland animal pictures would be somehow damaging to girl babies?
Lady, you rock! Your flair is outta sight. I laughed the whole way, but from the other side of the fence- in girltown. We had many people ‘pity’ us for having 2 girls, very many ‘sorry’s’ were sent to my poor, clearly whipped and pansied husband, and if I had a dollar for every “so, are you going to try for a boy”, I’d quit my jobs. Because we’ve been advised that ‘boys are so much better’ and ‘boys don’t get pregnant’ and ‘boys don’t have as much bullshit attached to them’. Not kidding. Isn’t it ridiculous how people think they can throw their opinions around like confetti at a wedding?! That shit sticks people- DON’T THROW CONFETTI.
Holy shit, I think I need to do a whole post on the arsehole things people say to pregnant women/ mums and dads. It’s not on people! SHUT YOUR GOBS!
As a mum of three happy boys I loved your post. But I also wanted to share this great TED Talk by Australian swimmer Karni Liddell about the negatives of saying you will be happy as long as babies are ‘healthy’ or ‘whole’. It is something I commonly said myself (a lot) until I saw this talk, and I’ve never used it since. Thanks again for the great blog post.
This isn’t the video you meant to link to, I think! Wrong Australian swimmer! I’ll certainly look up the other one you mention. It’s a good talk though, about society’s expectations relating to women’s appearances.
I have 3 boys (and a daughter 23) now 10, 13, and 20 and yes, they do eat masses of food. My husband is one of 4 boys and boys are fabulous fun! Congratulations!!!!!!
Hehehe your comment under your photo made me LOL
I chuckled so much reading this. I have a friend (cousin) expecting her third with two girls already… I feel for her as she’ll be getting sooo many comments. Happy and Healthy with 10 fingers and 10 toes is the main thing!!
I can relate to this fully. I am one of those urban legend mothers. I had 5 boys in 7 years. Even now I still get comments about if I am going back for another or how busy and full on my house must be along with comments of don’t you wish you’d had a daughter. I didn’t realise that people believe that having all sons is a curse. I have 5 little mummy’s boys, I have 5 little men who give the best cuddles in the world and even better I have 5 amazing sons who are the funniest and craziest people I know
Oh my goodness, I am SOOOO in love with my little mummy’s boy. And he is by far the most entertaining child I know. I’m constantly told he’s “such a boy” – which I interpret as “he’s SO funny”
Yay for boys!! I’d have a whole bunch more in a second.
Yep, I’ve heard all those too. I’m also a mom of 5 boys and I wouldn’t change a thing about any one of them!
Well I can tell you, I thought I was actually extremely glad when number 5 BOY came, that we were living overseas at the time to avoid the nasties from those we know and love……but then came the phone call from a certain MIL, who stated over the phone and across the oceans vast about how “sad and disappointed they were for us that we had “another” boy!!!!!” Not how happy they were to here of the arrival of another healthy “GRANDSON” AND I think at one point she sounded like she was crying down the phone….at that point I quietly handed the phone to my husband and said here’s your son!!! People will always feel the need to insert their opinions where they are neither needed or wanted when they have no fucking clue what to say to you!!! It’s up to us how we deal with their idiocrasy….These days I try very hard to laugh it off and walk away, though my sister so kindly pointed out the other day when I YELLED at a dickhead screaming through the airport carpark in his car to SLOW DOWN ( I had 3/5 kids with me), that I was becoming more and more like our mother!!! Oh dear………hahahahaha
You have nailed this! I have two little boys (2 1/2 & 16mths) so not only do I get asked ALL OF THE TIME by strangers when am I going to try for a little girl (and always with a look of pity), I get the double whammy of why are they so close…. Instead of explaining to them that I actually DO have a daughter who passed away shortly after birth and it took us YEARS of IVF to conceive our precious children, I just smile and nod whilst I picture punching there person in the throat..
Loving you blog
x
Oh Lauren, I’m so sorry to hear that. Jesus, people are turds. Have you ever actually said that to someone though? That’d shut them up pretty quick! It’s a good lesson in keeping your opinions to yourself in general. You never know what someone has been through and how your thoughtlessness could really hurt. Gah!
Oh my gosh…my sincere condolences to your family and your “friend”…..a potential third son….what a curse :-p
Hopefully she will produce a girl baby…because then everyone will be able to tell her how they were right that she was trying for a girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Lauren….. You have nailed it. As you know I have 3 beautiful healthy boys and I love them to bits – I cannot imagine my life without them…. But the amount of people who were disappointed that I was having a third boy was just incredible. “Oh No – your not having another boy – you poor thing”…. I was completely astounded with what I was hearing. I was so excited to be having bub no.3 and these people literally made me feel like I had done something wrong….. Whatever happened to the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. Boys Rock – Yeah !!!
It’s like you’ve done something on purpose to upset them! What’s it got to do with them anyway!!?? Jerks.
I’m pregnant with my third now. We don’t know what we’re having yet but I think it will be another boy.
I get a lot of comments about hopefully it’s a girl etc.
While I’d actually prefer another boy but usually respond with a comment about how I don’t care what it is as long as it sleeps and doesn’t have any allergies!
Oh god, I would have 18 boys if they all slept!
Ohhh I can so relate to this. When I had my third boy I was met with condolences. For real people were sad for me that I didnt get a girl. Sure I would love a girl but heck I have 3 awesome boys so why the sad faces I thought? Sometimes people need to be gifted a sock for their mouths and I may be biased but boys rock! 😉 xx
This shits me to tears. It’s one thing to voice your disapproval while the child is in utero, but who on earth sees a brand new baby and feels anything but joy? Do they wish that child didn’t exist? Boy or girl, that’s your baby! If you had a girl, that means you wouldn’t have one of your boys, and I’m sure you wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I have three gorgeous boys 10,7 & 5, so imagine the comments when we found out we were expecting surprise number 4. We chose to not find out the gender with any of our pregnancies and number four was no exception. In May we had another beautiful AND healthy boy. I have endured pity looks, gasps of horror and one friend I ran into congratulated me with a “ohhhh…….oh well (tsk,tsk) oh well”
What the…!!! What is wrong with some people….it is so rude, not only to my husband and I, but to the four beautiful boys we have.
I just loved your article that made me chuckle. 🙂
Love this. When pregnant with number 1, I had a parent at school ask if I knew what I was having (a mother of an only son). I happily replied a girl, and her response (I shit you not): “oh what a shame, there’s always next time to try for a boy”!!!
Wow. Just wow.
So many people would benefit from a punch in the throat.
OMG Lauren!! I am in love with your writing! Never ever ever stop blogging please!
But on topic, I totally get the gender disappointment thing but completely agree that is for the parents and them alone! Pregnancy has an odd side effect of other people crossing socially acceptable boundaries and commenting on anything vaguely pregnancy/baby/parenting related regardless how incredibly inappropriate or rude (or engage in inappropriate belly touching!).
My cousin had a complete stranger behind her in the checkout at the supermarket have a rant to the checkout chick (so not even to her!) about the name my cousin chose for her baby girl. In what world is that appropriate?
OMG Loz, just you wait… It is bizarre how people cross all normal social boundaries when you have a belly. It’s like you’re public property and people feel really comfortable passing on their “advice” and opinions. It’s a test of grace and patience to not smack some people. And then there’s the touching…
I was even walking down the street one day when a voice I couldn’t even see the owner of sang out… ‘it’s a boy!!!’ it was a man sitting in his council vehicle having lunch. Turns out it was a boy but just goes to show the randomness of people commenting and literally calling out comments. Jx
P.S… I completely agree with Lauren. Awesome writing!!
OMG that’s hilarious Jess!
And I should add… In no world is it appropriate to comment on a child’s name. Unless of course that child is named something really cruel like Moo. Or Oprah. Or Hitler. Or Phlegm.