This post has been sponsored by GavisconSooo, you feel like you’ve been on a three-day bender without the fun of actually going on a three-day bender? Sounds like you have morning sickness. The worlds most stupidly named symptom of pregnancy because, as well all know, this bastard lingers all day long. For WEEKS on end.
He’s like that creep at the bar that just stares at you all night until it feels like his eyeballs are gently nudging the back of your neck. Why doesn’t he understand you’re not interested? Fuck off mate.
The horror of morning sickness varies for everyone. From a general “day after hangover” queasiness that lurks and makes you feel a bit gross and shaky, to the full-blown, throwing up everything you eat torture that is grounds for hospitalisation. Nausea is the worst. You can push through a headache. You can solider on with a sore throat. But bad nausea will have you flat on your back, wishing for death with every hiccup and burp that promises a spew.
If you’re extra lucky like me, you’ll score morning sickness through your entire pregnancy. Because the first twelve weeks didn’t break your spirit completely.
But there are ways to cope and to keep it under control (somewhat).
Being waited on hand and foot
Always my first choice. Someone to take care of any other children and someone to cook and clean for you will do wonders for the disposition.
Oh, is this not realistic? Shit.
Well you’ll just have to try these tips and tricks:
Yes this is the last thing you want to do, but I promise, eating makes it better.
It’s hard to wrap your mind around stuffing your face with food just as you’re about to vomit. It goes against everything your body is saying but it must be done.
Word of warning: don’t wait until you’re really hungry or it will be too late and you’ll throw up whatever you’re eating. You either need to keep on top of it and eat something small every hour or so, or you need to eat the very second your mind tells you you might be a tiny bit hungry. If you wait for the actual hunger pains… Just head straight for the bathroom. Or eat a dry biscuit and lie down. It’s coming….
Make sure you’re eating protein with every snack. Add some cheese slices to your dry biscuits. Have a steak for lunch. Eat some porridge for breakfast. Put some peanut butter on your toast.
The protein works. Trust me. You’ll be fuller for longer and it really does keep the sickness away for a bit.
Ginger tea. Peppermint tea. Sip it. It calms the tummy.
Sip again. Make sure it’s proper ginger beer made from real ginger. Ginger works to calm nausea so this, along with the sugar boost, can work if you can’t possibly fathom putting food in your mouth. A few sips while sitting still could calm your tum for long enough to get a sandwich in.
They don’t call it the Brown Doctor for nothing. A few sips of icy cold coke can make you feel a bit less shaky and gross. Again, this is a stop gap so you can stomach eating something. It’s always about eating.
There are some doctors who believe morning sickness is caused by a vitamin B deficiency. Grab a tube of Berocca and have one a day. It could help.
Please note, if your morning sickness is bad, you will eventually start to feel sick when you drink Berocca and Ginger Beer because your brain will start to associate those tastes with nausea. Excellent.
Or whatever treat works for you. For me, I needed marshmallows. Something sugary that bumped my sugar levels really quickly and seemed to keep me going a bit longer. Obviously not a doctor approved approach, but I’m not a doctor, I’m an actual sufferer.
If all else fails and you simply cannot function, get yourself to the doctor and demand some drugs.
I went to one when I was about 15 weeks pregnant and said I was still vomiting and that it was so awful I couldn’t bear it any longer.
The doctor looked at me and said “really Lauren?” Like I’d just suggested I was breastfeeding a unicorn in my spare time.
I won’t tell you what I said because I’m a lady.
Oh, ok, I said something along the lines of “I’m sorry, have YOU ever experienced morning sickness SIR? No you fucking haven’t so shut your face and give me ALL the drugs, you insensitive prick!”
HOT TIP: Don’t tell a pregnant woman she’s not as sick as she thinks. In fact, don’t ever second guess a pregnant woman on how pregnant she’s feeling. Particularly if you’re A MAN.
If you’re like me, you’ll also score a dose of heartburn to accompany your nausea. Basically your stomach hates you and wants you to suffer as much as possible. I’ve been chewing Gaviscon Dual Action tablets like lollies this time around. They taste like chalk but they really work.
If all else fails, lie in bed and don’t move. Something about equilibrium. Science etc. Of course this solution is possible for about 1% of the population who don’t need to work, clean, shop, care for other children or generally live. But, you know, if you can manage it, well done.
What got you through the morning sickness? Or did you totally escape it all like a lucky bastard?