The first step is deciding to leave the house. The last step is sobbing quietly into the steering wheel….
Start preparing about an hour before you need to leave the house. You’re feeling smug about how much time you’ve given yourself because you are so super organised.
SPOILER ALERT: it’s never enough time.
Tell the two-year old you’ll be getting in the car soon so it’s time to get dressed, which is toddler code for “start running around the house naked with the speed and fervour of a thug outrunning the cops.”
Contemplate whether it’s strictly necessary he wear pants and/or shoes. Weigh up the time-benefit vs. public ridicule. Decide to fully clothe the child and brace yourself for a battle in which you’ll lose part of your soul and possibly chip a tooth, but he will have pants on.
Pick up the baby who’s been screaming for a full five minutes while you brawled with her brother. You silently ask for forgiveness and hope she’s not mentally scarred for life but tell yourself she’s learning independence and resilience.
Run upstairs to get her dressed. You manage to pull something out of the drawer before you hear the crash downstairs. Pick up baby and run back down to see the toddler has decided to raid the pantry for crackers. He’s also taken off his pants.