And you thought 24 hours with a newborn was tough. Here is Part Two….
Let’s start at 3am. Not because it’s the start of the day. There is no start to your day. There is no end. It’s just one long, never-ending, mind-melting continuum of time….
3am
You gently lower your baby into her bassinet and collapse back into bed, hopeful you might get a solid two hours sleep before she wakes again.
You’re asleep before you close your eyes.
3.06am
A 15 kilogram missile launches at you from the end of the bed. A deep, dark part of your brain tells you to take your toddler and put him back in his bed because ‘sleep habits’ or something else that’ll ruin his life, but that would require you to stand up. And talk. And reason with a two year old. And 6 minutes sleep has not equipped you for that shit.
He falls asleep with his big toe in your ear, his arm across his father’s face and with his future as one of those creepy guys selling body scrub to housewives in the middle of the shopping centre, secured.
He’s a heavy breather. The baby has a blocked nose and coos like a pigeon in her sleep. The husband snores. The cat is at the foot of the bed purring like a Harley. It’s a suffocation of smug comfort and ENT issues.
You should probably be thinking something along the lines of, “oh how sweet, all my loves in one spot” but you’re actually thinking “CAN YOU ALL JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF???” Ahhh… motherhood <3
3.30 – 5am
You’ve blocked it from your memory but whatever it was, it was not restful sleep.
5am – 6am
“Mummy you awake?”
“Mummy!”
“Daddy?”
“Baa baa black sheep”
“Watch TV?”
“I want a cupp-o tea”
“Sistaaaaaa you awake?”
“There were 4 little monkeys jumping on the bed”
“Mummy you awake?”
“Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad.”
6am
Husband takes kids downstairs for breakfast so you can “have an hours sleep”.
6.25am
Toddler runs into room to tell you there’s a truck across the road.
You wish herpes upon the truck driver who has the utter GALL to be on your street so early in the morning in a blatant attempt to lure your child to your room.
7.15am
Husband hands you the baby, kisses you goodbye, slaps you on the back and wishes you luck. You look at the clock. Eleven hours to go…
7.30am
Explain to toddler, again, that he cannot put food in the baby’s mouth.
8am
You’ve convinced toddler to sit and watch TV. Feel guilty about the sharp increase in screen time since the baby came home. Guilt lasts 4 seconds before you thank the TV for its exceptional co-parenting abilities
Baby is asleep in her bassinet. Race to the shower.
8.02am
knock knock
“Whatchoo doing mummy?”
“Having shower?”
“I come in too?”
NO!
wail
“My shirt is weeeeeeeet”
“Sistaaaaaaa!”
LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE
Baby crying
FFS
8.20am
Decide you’re going to go to the shops.
9.40am
After three nappy blowouts, four outfit changes, two meltdowns (one of which was you), one escape attempt, two bruised knees and one fractious discussion about why the bike can’t come to the shops, you give up and decide to just stay home.
9.45am
Explain to toddler, again, that he cannot sit on the baby.
10am
You sit down to feed the baby.
The box of “feeding time activities” you carefully curated for your toddler before the baby arrived lies discarded behind the couch as he hangs off your neck making slightly derogatory comments about the feeding process.
Try to encourage your toddler to do some ‘craft’ which means 30 excruciating minutes in which both of you are half-heartedly sticking shit on other shit and wondering when you can just turn on Peppa Pig and be done with it.
10.45am
Explain to toddler, again, that he should not stand and yell in his sleeping sister’s face.
11am
Take 45 minutes to change the baby’s nappy because the toddler wants to “help”, which means 45 minutes of trying to stop him unwrapping the dirty nappy or sticking toys in her clean nappy. Aren’t kids fun?
11.45am
Make a one-handed peanut butter sandwich because the child is hungry and the baby refuses to be put down.
Toddler takes three bites and carefully places the rest on the floor to express his wish to be done with the eating.
Pick sandwich up off the floor and eat it yourself. Lunch done.
Midday
Lure toddler to his room with a bottle of milk. He wants to sit on your lap, alongside The Baby Who Can’t Be Put Down.
They both fall asleep, trapping you under their weight which triggers an internal struggle about whether you should try to get up or whether you should accept your fate and let your children use you as their mattress.
After a lengthy, silent debate, your bladder makes the decision for you. In a move that proves you are an actual superhero, you manage to stand up without waking them.
Toddler is in his bed and you go to the toilet with a sleeping baby in your arms.
1pm
Creep downstairs to make yourself a relaxing cup of tea. Turn on the kettle. This is how your children know it’s time to wake up.
Farewell Tea. Hello circus.
1.10pm
The baby has lost her ever-loving shit and so you walk laps of your hallway, jiggling and shushing while your toddler runs alongside you begging you to “play running” so you keep jiggling and shushing, but now you’re also jogging down the hallway which is not at all calming her down, especially given her brother is squealing about who is “winning the running” because that’s all that matters to him because he apparently cannot hear the baby crying. He is, however, raising his voice sufficiently to be heard over the crying, which means he is screeching like a fucking caged velociraptor and so you tell him to please stop screaming which is apparently a poisoned arrow to the heart because he throws himself to the ground and wails like a stuck pig.
Look at the clock because surely it’s time for dinner. Feel like crying when you see you’ve still got hours to go. Have scientific studies been done to prove that time goes slower between the hours of ‘end of nap’ and ‘dinnertime’ ?
2.00pm
Sit down to feed baby at the exact moment your toddler declares he needs to do a wee. On the big boy toilet.
Although you had given up trying to potty train while you all got used to the new baby, you don’t want to discourage him, so you stand up with baby attached to boob and walk upstairs to the big boy toilet. Bend down and help him take off his pants (you pick your battles and let him take off his shirt too, even though you’ve explained 41,000 times he doesn’t need to be completely nude to wee) and stand outside the toilet, singing his praises for 45 minutes, during which you execute one boob change and one slow sink to the floor as you realise this is your life now and you ponder whether you should just lie down on the carpet and accept defeat.
He announces he didn’t need to wee after all.
OF COURSE.
2.45 – 4.45pm
Two solid hours of trying to stop the toddler from waking the baby, feeding the baby or killing the baby.
Try and put yourself in time-out. The toddler finds you.
Repeatedly think how much easier life was with just one baby. Why did you ever think it was so hard?
5pm
Sit down to feed baby when you’re overcome with shushpiscion (the suss feeling you get when everything goes quiet). Go in search of toddler and find him standing in the pantry, blowing on your breast pump attachment like a trumpet. Make a mental note to sterilise it and leave him to it. Chalk it up as “independent play”.
5.30pm
Stand and burp baby while cooking dinner for big brother. You could make something nutritious and colourful but your give-a-fuck tank is dry. So you make plain pasta because he’ll eat it without a fight. For five and a half minutes you are the best mummy ever. Let him eat plain pasta while watching Peppa Pig so you can sit and settle your other child while looking at Facebook. If only The Pig lasted more than five minutes.
6.00pm
Husband arrives home a bit early. Toddler behaves as if you’ve been beating them all day and daddy is here to rescue them.
Whatevs. At least you now get a small break from the kids. In which ‘break’ means a full 30 minutes in the laundry, sorting and folding clothes without needing to scream at anyone. You are living the dream.
7.00pm
Children are bathed, dressed and ready for bed.
9.00pm
Children are asleep but part of your soul has died in the battle.
9.10pm
Reheat something nondescript from the fridge and call it dinner. Sit on the couch and pretend to watch TV while wishing you could just be asleep but refusing to go to bed because if you go to bed as soon as the kids are asleep then your whole life is “taking care of kids and sleeping” and you really need to have a few minutes in the day that are just about you, even if you really would rather be asleep.
10pm
Crawl into bed.
10.10pm
Baby wakes up crying. And so begins the night shift.
So… tell me how much more fun it is with three…??
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Journalists Lauren Dubois and Jodie Speers talk about how they (barely) survive raising small kids.
89 comments
Lolllll, loved it from the first word to the last xD
Hahaha I cried laughing at the ‘crafts’ part of the morning and the making yourself stay up after they’ve gone to bed – as it’s so relatable, this is literally my life right now! A 7year old, 17 mth old and 3 mth old. Not to mention the dog which is sometimes the biggest up setter. Hate to wish it away but can’t wait for the youngest to be able to sit up and fend for herself just a little , cos it’s just wild at the moment ? glad to know I’m not alone! Xx
My eyes were watering as I read your post about being alone with baby and toddler. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Then of course I did it with two under 4s and a newborn. Boy what fun. Getting out of the door with three clean faces was such an achievement. Brilliant piece of writing.
[…] Shower every […]
I LOVE this post. Its so relatable. My baby is now 8 months and it has gotten much easier but a lot of it still happens!
Dude try 5, I forget what real life was like 🙂 this is a great post
Great article and good to know we are not the only parents trying to juggle the madness (currently a 2yr old and 8 weeker).
Colic most of the day has plagued our lives and compounded the situation in both kids, the first of course eventually grew out of it by 12 weeks. Cannot recall the last day we didn’t have inconsolable crying for hours but thank god we have seen it get better in our now lovely 2yr old son who sleeps pretty good in comparison.
In case other parents with colic out there I can confirm the only successful treatment is support from family if lucky enough to have this, and simply TIME. We know this having spent sequential weeks trialling infacol,coleif,gaviscon,cot inserts, dairy free in mum, ranitidine and now on a last ditch trial of gripe water, and hoping for any effect even if just placebo!
Keep sane fellow parents, we love our kids ++ too and I think it’s perfectly acceptable (and therapeutic) to share and moan as above.
A and the gang(!)
[…] There’s no such thing as “sleep when the baby sleeps” for you. Even if your baby chooses to occasionally sleep (big IF) you won’t be closing your eyes. As your tiny babe gets a lovely refreshing nap, there‘s another small person who, at a minimum, requires you to have your eyes open. You’re doing the night shift with the baby and the day shift with the toddler and it sucks. […]
Perfect article – this is my life. I have too many negative thoughts about my life at the moment but am working on making life easier for myself by being more organised, taking a (tiny) bit of time for me – and generally relaxing my standards and chilling a bit. Thank you for reminding us that we’re not alone!
It’s so easy to have those negative thoughts Joanna. Everyone wants a piece of you and it’s never enough. It’s exhausting physically and emotionally. I definitely think the key to survival is to relax your standards and don’t stress if everything is falling down around you because you’re not alone, there are so many more of us out there feeling exactly the same way and so many that have gone through this and survived it! Much love Mumma xxx
[…] Pull toddler off baby and explain why we don’t use infants as floor pillows. […]
Having 3: It’s taken me an hour to read this article and will probably be at least half an hour before I finish this comment. (Read 3 words, say 3 words. “Eat your breakfast.” “Put that down.” “Don’t throw that…..”
You’ve reminded me of how much I don’t miss having a baby, but I knew there was a reason I swore, with every fiber of my being, that I would never, ever, EVER concider having another one.
They’re beautiful, they’re wonderful, they’re absolutely f@#king insane!
I loved reading this. I can’t remember reading it but I know I know I enjoyed it.
I like reading your blog. It makes me laugh. I like to laugh. However in reading this post I laughed and woke the damned baby. And I had just made my morning coffee (yes, I am aware that its almist midday. This is still my morning coffee!!)
Well, shit, I’m sorry Meg. There’s nothing worse. You are allowed to curse me for the rest of the day. Or until you finally get that cup of coffee.
This was a great read. I especially loved the part about peanut butter sandwiches, I so related. Or toilet training while feeding – then they don’t even go. Many times I was sitting on the toilet room floor waiting while feeding. Or the toes in ears..lol.. I have 6 kids. I have one 8 year old, twin 6 year olds, a 3 year old and twin 11 month olds. Everytime I had a baby (except for my first one) I either had one toddler with two babies or two toddlers with one baby as they are all around 2 years apart. Currently my toddler is always trying to do something crazy to the babies also like sit on them or squeeze their cheeks or step on their hands or something silly Agh! hoping this faze goes away quickly. Thanks for the great read. Great to hear I’m not alone in the crazyness.
Clarissa you bloody legend! It’s superheroes like you that make me believe I can survive this. Surely you’d stop at two if it was that bad! But to keep going means it must get easier.
I simply couldn’t love my kids any more than I do. I’m completely obsessed, but jeez it’s hard work!
Hilarious, I have totally gone to the loo with a sleeping baby but to answer your question, 3 is not bad at all. I’m not sure if it’s because I had experience with juggling, the worlds easiest subsequent babies or the fact that baby number 3 gave up and had to go with the flow to survive the elder 2.
I’ve definitely heard that going to three is easier. Possibly because you’ve given up all semblance of control and you’ve embraced chaos in your life 😉
Just because it’s not QUITE as overwhelmingly difficult as mothers in developing nations – and thank God that child mortality is dropping if only doing slowly – motherhood remains the singular most overwhelming job a gal or a guy or a family can do. Hands down, no question. It belittles the experiences of all mothers to say it’s easy just because we have reliable access to water. That should be the standard for all mothers and all people but it will certainly not make this an easy job. Ever. Just maybe make it survivable.
Sorry… This posted in the wrong place!
Wow, what a lot of first world problems. I get that the purpose of this is for readers to have some sense of normality during the mayhem that a new born brings and perhaps to highlight that they are not alone. But what on earth were people expecting, you’ve had a baby not recived baby annabelle via amazon. Now imagine dealing with all your hardships and having to do a 5 mile walk to get clean drinking water for your kids or how things would be if you were living in war zone or refugee camp. Stop being do self indulgent and get on with what humans have been doing historically without a washing machine let alone peppa pig since time immemorial.
It’s a bit sad you’re not able to have a laugh at life.
By this logic, no one who’s not a refugee should ever be allowed to write about their struggles on the Internet. I’ve worked in the “developing” world and certainly appreciate that yes, if you compare our experiences as privileged people, there’s no question that our lives are insanely easy by comparison. But that doesn’t mean that we are not allowed to feel overwhelmed by things like parenting, which is such an emotionally fraught experience (and remember, postpartum depression is a serious mental health issue, not a “first world problem”). One of the downsides to living in the industrialized world is that we tend to have a weaker sense of community and less family support, and I think blogs like this really help people to feel less isolated. Comments like yours are just so dismissive and unhelpful. I promise you, not a single person read what you wrote and felt grateful. You’re actually demonstrating a real lack of compassion.
And also, she’s not even really complaining. It’s intended to be humorous. So you also kind of missed the point.
Violet, I was going to write something about this on my Facebook page but you have just blown it out of the water with your eloquence.
I feel exactly the same way. There will ALWAYS be someone who is worse off than you. I promise. But that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to complain now and then. We’d implode if we kept it all bottled inside because we feel we don’t have permission to say anything negative in case someone labels us “first world”.
I am acutely aware of my privilege. I am incredibly grateful for my life and my children. I love them more than I can put into words. But I’m not going to pretend I find it all so easy just because I’m lucky enough to live in a developed country. And I’m not going to make other women feel like they’re not allowed to complain because I really do believe that talking, sharing and laughing about this crazy job can help women who are really struggling. I struggle. It can get dark for me. But what helps me get through those dark moments is knowing that I’m not alone and that other mums are finding it tough too. And God help me, we need to laugh about it!
Ìsla, That clearly went way over your head! I found it hilarious!!!!! brilliant article being a father I had to laugh!
I’m from a Third World country/a country from the South (in development parlance) and I can relate to this blog post. I actually find it hilarious and comforting that a person (from the First World) is actually experiencing what I’m also experiencing in the Third World. Quite the same challenges in child-rearing. The struggle of motherhood is universal. I actually find that it’s an equalizer – being experienced by all mothers in all classes in all levels of society in whatever country – First or Third World, North or South, Developed or Developing. 🙂 Some are just experts in making it look fabulous and easy, even if it’s not.
Thank you for this, Lauren. I’m hooked!
Deeji, THANK YOU so much for your comment! I’m thrilled you enjoyed it and so happy to know that everyone experiences the same highs and the same challenges when it comes to taking care of little kids. It’s nice to know that no matter where you are, all toddlers are jerks and all mums are exhausted! 😉
Thanks so much for stopping by Deeji and I hope to chat to you again xxx
My mum had two of us, my sister 5 months and me almost two when she started chemo. Apparently the nurse did not much for mum but easy loads of nappies for us (thank goodness for community nurses!!) My a still has good motor deficits because I seriously tried to love her to death and she didn’t an inordinate amount of time on the bench in a bouncer… But under no circumstances server would mum have not had us, done things differently or do we resent a single thing she had to do to stay with us. We all survive what we have to.
I know this very well! Except when they were/are both cabbaged on me…ill nod off too OOPS! – just to let you know my baby is now 9 months…it hasn’t gotten any easier
Anywho AWESOME writing, I loved reading this!
ZaraLouU
Argh! ZaraLouU, you’re supposed to lie and tell me it gets way easier!
This is me and has been me for the last 8 months with two girls ( 3 year old and crawling almost walking 8 month old!) My partner got a new job and works 6am -8pm so by the time he travels, gets home and eats showers and is in bed I’m raging because my day has still not ended and I need 5 min.
But for some reason I thought I didn’t have enough on my plate with two kids and having to travel to our property an hour away once a week alone with two kids, were going to build (owner builder) at the end of this year and to add the house were living in is on the market! White carpet two kids and open house every weekend.
Oh christ Sarah, we built our house before we had our first baby and I still think that was the most stressful thing we’ve ever done. Doing that WITH two babies?? I think I’d die. Good luck sweetheart!! I’ll be thinking of you xxx
Aahhh this takes me back as a mum of 6 4 boys and 2 girls lol oldest being 15 and youngest being 5 now it does get better the first 6 months is abit of a blurr really lol but it will get to a point and it all just clicks into place and u will get some sleep and school and nursery deff helps lol x
Thank you Cat, that’s so good to know! I love love love my babies so much, but I just need some sleep!!! I’m just accepting the crazy right now.
Hang in there Mama you are doing an amazing job. I have blocked this stage from my mind but I do remember walking into the room to find my not quite 2 year old with her newborn sisters foot in her mouth , clearly I must have forgotten to give her lunch! Xx
Mmmmm, delicious! I spend all day asking Thud not to kiss/ bite/ slobber/ crush his sister. He adores her – a little too much.
This is fantastic. I have my second due any day, and sense this may be my new reality too…
Good luck Liz!! I joke around but it’s honestly not too bad. I mean, it’s utter chaos but I’m less stressed than I was with my first. No matter how hard it gets, you’ll be so in love you’ll just keep getting up and marching on, day after day xxx
Oh Lauren
I think I remember those days or maybe I don’t I may have blocked them out. Having a single and then twins it is really all a haze, oh who am I kidding at nearly 15 and 11 it is still a haze!
Some days it all falls into place and comes together and some days you just gotta roll with it. I know there was a lot of crying in our house (mostly me) because well frankly I was pretty much always outnumbered! So someone was always after attention that they weren’t getting.
Oh god, I don’t know how I’d cope with twins Kit! But then again, you just have to, don’t you?! And that’s definitely the hardest part for me – having two little people both needing my attention and having to constantly choose who needs it more.
This s so accurate! Fortunately I am now through this period but into the depths of ‘two-toddlerville’. Here’s what you have to look forward to!
https://thebritishmaple.wordpress.com/2016/03/20/a-morning-in-the-life-of-a-stay-at-home-mum/#more-497
Hey, you made it out of the house!! Winner!! 😉 xxx
Oh I am so there with you. I feel like things start to get easier around 5 1/2 months, or whenever Baby starts to sit up because she’s not quite so hard then. And then shit hits the fan when Baby starts to crawl. Oh my gosh the drama!
I agree, I can’t wait until she can sit and I don’t have to carry her everywhere. But yeah, not keen on her being able to move! Just sit and stay thanks bubby!
Ironically when my middle son got mobile things got really hard. Then the jealous rages began. And sitting? Well the older kid thought it was very funny to topple the baby over. Argh kids, they can test us!
Oh Christ! It never gets easier does it!?
When two children take all of your time, three don’t take any more of it! My three sons are now 32, 30 and 25. My mother was right: the time goes fast – but only when you look back on it,certainly not at the time!
Preschool will help to keep you sane if you can afford it.
Oh yes Julie, we have the toddler in daycare part time and it saves my life! Love daycare days!!!
What’s it like with three, you ask? I’ve blocked it out, but I do remember a moment of clarity when I decided that was it, my uterus was shutting up shop (when my youngest was born I had a 3 year old, 19 month old and a newborn). You describe it all perfectly. They are now 8, 6 and almost 5 and we can leave the house at a moments notice, nobody poos themselves anymore, and they are all in bed asleep for the WHOLE NIGHT by 9pm. Bliss! (Well kinda. Three kids at school with various activities and working full time brings about an entirely new kind of mayhem, but at least I’m getting 8 hours sleep a night these days, lol)
All I read was “8 hours sleep”
GIVE ME THAT
I remember when my third was born I used to say that on the day I arrived home from hospital, I got on a treadmill and didn’t get off again really till they left home. I still went on to have another one as well. Now they are all gone I enjoy my grandchildren and help as much as I can. I so love being a nanna but I just loved your blog. So many memories but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes it did go by much too fast. I love my children sooo much . Well done you on such a witty and enjoyable blog
I have a two year old and a mister independent at times 5 year old my 2 year old is beautiful but very clingy! Both boys, my partner wanted one of each.
[…] Stay tuned for the next edition: 24 hours with a newborn and a toddler […]
I love this !!! Even though I can’t have anymore babies but this still relates to me in a way . I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and they drive me completely bonkers lol ! My 2 year old likes to see how far mommy can go before losing her shit and my 7 year old loves to piss of sister and throw a fit about it . Is it wrong of me that I love my daughters Afterschool program ?Lol it gives me some times for me to not completely go psycho .
Haha, not wrong at all Desiree! I love my children with all my heart, but I very much appreciate having time away from them. Even small amounts helps me get through the day 😉
One word: Nanny.
Ha! If only I had the money!
Sounds like our house with the oldest being 4 almost 5, middle 3 years and youngest 3months old. Makes me feel better when its not just me having all that. Specially when their dad works away weeks at a time. This time its only 3 weeks but last time was 6 weeks
Oh god, that’s tough Karina! 6 weeks!? I honestly don’t know how single parents do it all the time. They are heroes!
Hahaha! I can totally relate! Just add a couple more to the mix…Mama of a 6, 3 and 2 year old with a 2 month old baby!
Oh Stephanie, we could probably all learn a few things from you!! Like, how the hell do you keep them all occupied? Seriously? Thinking of ways to entertain the little people drives me insane.
Oh my goodness, I can so relate to every part of this day. I had twins first then a newborn 20 months later and now we have 4 aged 4 and under. I have fully accepted the TV as a co-parent, we even have a special holiday for it and adorn it with handmade presents. I’m joking, or am I? I haven’t really slept in the past 5 years so I could be a complete nut case.
I had 4 under 4 too – all boys!
Single, twins, single.
Youngest is 3 now so beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just.
Totally relate to this read ;P
Thank you!
Emma, you too could join our nutcases club. Four boys under four deserves a very special mention.
I think you might like this post too: https://the-thud.com/sydney-mum-risks-possibility-third-son/
xxx
Elsie, welcome. I celebrate and applaud all nutcases. I’d love to start a club. As a mother with four under four, I think you could be our leader.
Omg I love this post so much I want to cry.
Lauren, I love this post! Sounds a lot like my household!
It definitely feels great to know I’m not the only one. My baby (who is 11 months now, divine but still not sleeping through the night, which hurts) was born the youngest of three – his sisters at the time were 20 months and 2 years 10 months. It has been a hectic year with three under three!! I feel like I’ve been awake the whole time ? ?
Your children are beautiful, great photos!
Monica.
Monica, three under three? You are a deadset superhero.
Spot on!
Perhaps I should reconsider wanting more kids 😉
Haha, never! Even with all the chaos and yelling, they’re so worth it. SO worth it <3
Haha, this pretty much sums up the first year of life with baby number 2. Our eldest was 16 months when he was born and made it his mission to only sleep when his baby brother was awake, wake him up when the baby would finally fall asleep and would have a massive tanty (once involving throwing a carton of eggs on the floor) every time I sat down to feed his baby brother. God help me when baby #3 arrives in a few months time….
Oh Christ that’s a close pair Lauren! I can imagine it’s lots harder when the older child is still so young.
1.10pm description had me in TEARS. I’m still laughing. Because it isn’t happening to me 🙂
I’ve got to say, the tandem screaming is not my favourite part of having two children…
I laughed out loud at this and had to show my husband. He asked if I’d actually written it. So true of my life right now (5 week baby, 2.5 yr old). My give-a-fuck tank is quite often dry and am so appreciative of now having an appropriate saying to go with it! Thank you thank you for this wonderful piece of reality!
It honestly makes me feel so much happier knowing that other women are also being tortured by their children, Tania. When I’m copping a roundhouse kick to the jaw at 2am, while I feed the infant, I can smile, knowing at that very minute, another woman is being head butted in the ribs. Solidarity sister! xxx
This. This is amazing and freakishly accurate. Sometimes I find myself chuckling at the stupidity of it all…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for the laugh and the awesome knowledge that I’m not the only one slowly slipping into madness!
I chuckle all the time too Nicole. Because sometimes it gets so ludicrous you just have to laugh. It’s like someone is playing a practical joke, except it’s your real life…
Oh my, it kind-of takes me back. Except for some reason when my two were at the same stage as your two I went out with them every single morning. Gym with creche, playgroup, toddler time at the library. Miss 2 also had to go to the playground on the corner every single morning on our way back from these outings as otherwise she would not do that day sleep wonder thing!! DVDs were my saviour as they could watch hours of Peppa Pig instead of just one episode – along with Jimmy Giggle.
Oh totally Mary. Now that I’ve mastered leaving the house, I want to be out as much as possible because it eats up a few hours of the day! Anything that makes the day go quicker!!
Lauren!!!! You speak the truth – small pockets of hell & constantly trying to stop the toddler from sitting on/feeding the Bub. I’m just about to go back to work after close to a year’s mat leave, mine are 2.5 & 10 months and I think the only hung that got me through was an outing EVERY morning, and my gym Creche, and more recently I went out and bought two Peppa DVDs, they save me on those awful afternoons but I curse that tune every 6 minutes (& the inevitable ‘more Peppa, more peppa’ until the next episode rolls on (I stopped explaining ages ago about the concept of another episode- now I just keep making dinner and take a civilised sip of wine!…..or gulp!)
Oh how I need wine right now… NEED IT.
Oh dear god I was having heart palpitations by 10:45am…what have I done…haha.
I’ve totally given up on ABC for kids too…Disney movie channel all the way! Hello more than 5 minutes of ‘quiet’ (not much more, but hey, I’ll take what I can get).
P.S. You’re doing an awesome job mumma, and you have two major cuties!
Oh god, I’m so dumb. I need the Disney movie channel!
And you’ll rock this shit Krissy! Most of the day is manageable. There are just small pockets of insanity that make you want to cry 😉
Couldn’t tell you because I absolutely stopped at 2 and now look at my mother and go – 5! Really! Wow, kudos to you mum.
And this cracked me up Lauren and also has me wanting to drive to Canberra and say I’ll have the two of them for half a day – you go take a break……
Oh my god Leanne, I’d cry. I’d throw my children at you and RUN. And you’d call me after 20minutes and beg me to come back 😉
This is my life. Seriously reading this I thought, OH MY GOD she can see into my lounge room. It’s just that accurate!! (Mine are two girls, 4 months and 2). You’re so funny, and if this wasn’t my actual life I would think you were a very good fictional writer, but it’s all SO. VERY. REAL. Love your work xx
Ha! We are living the same life right now! There are many moments throughout the day that I almost laugh at how ridiculous it all is and how it could totally be a sitcom if it wasn’t my real life.