Part One of this story has been read more than 140,000 times. I have no idea what made it so popular (I’ve written much better stuff). I can only assume there are thousands of mums and dads who have been weighed down by society’s disappointment in their inability to produce at least one child of each gender. Utter failures. Commiserations.
The text messages were flying thick and fast.
Has she gone in yet?
Any news?
What’s happening!?
Why is it taking so long?
My sister was having her third baby and we didn’t know if it was a boy or girl. She already has two boys so it was a tense time waiting to hear if she was destined to be a Mother Of Boys (MOB). This child is her last. This was her last chance to produce that elusive and coveted daughter.
My phone rang at about 9.30am.
“It’s a GIRL!”
Despite a fleeting moment of disappointment that I wouldn’t get to write that awesome follow-up post about all the boys, I was ecstatic. A gorgeous, perfect, teeny baby had joined our family (not gonna lie, I was also pretty happy the pressure was off me to produce the first granddaughter). I was so happy and…. relieved. Relieved she wouldn’t have to endure all the sympathy and hushed voices and concerned looks about how very disappointed she must be.
At the very least, I thought, we wouldn’t have to deal with The Comments.
Stupid me.
People will be people – and those people will still take a disturbing interest in other people’s reproductive capabilities. It doesn’t matter what you get, you’ll still have to deal with everyone else’s opinions on how this affects their life.
So no, there wasn’t sorrow and pity.
Instead, we had JUBI-FUCKING-LATION. Borderline hysteria that my sister was so supernaturally talented as to have produced a GIRL CHILD.
Oh The Comments…
“You got your girl!”
Yes, God filled that special order we put in.
“I wept with joy”
Wept?
JESUS WEPT.
Are you kidding me? Why are you weeping? Is this child going home with you?
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE me a baby celebration. All babies should be welcomed with marching bands and gospel choirs. We should all be weeping for every baby that enters the world.
But what if it had been a little boy? Would the marching band have turned up for him? Well, I definitely would have been there with my trumpet, but it might have been a very tiny band. Poor little buddy (yes, I’m feeling sad for my non-existent nephew. What’s your point?).
Then I started to feel bad for her two older brothers. This is how excited people were for their arrivals:
Boy 1: Congratulations! You’re a mum! So happy for you all.
Boy 2: Oh. Another boy. Never mind, you can try for a girl next time!
Girl: OHMYFUCKINGGODYOUGOTYOURGIRLI’MCRYINGTEARSOFHAPPINESS!!!!!!!!
My little mates have The Second Coming for a sister. Inferiority complexes coming right up! Step aside boys, there’s a doodle-less child over here. Thank Gaawwd we didn’t get another one like you. No offence.
Along with the pure and unadulterated relief, came the Fortune-Telling, Gender-Stereotyping Comments.
Princess…. cheerleader….ballerina….
Excuse me?
At 24 hours old, this little girl had been cast in the role of tutu and tiara wearing cheerleader next to the football team that is her brothers and cousins. Le sigh.
Why do we do that? She’s a baby. A perfect, clean slate. No different to any other baby (except exponentially cuter. Sorry, she just is). Let her just be a little snuggle bunny of cuteness before we hand her the pom poms, ok?
Besides…. girls can play football too you know.
And they don’t have to wear pink. Wall to wall pink. Covered in sequins and tulle and sparkles. The amount of clothes given to this child already is astonishing. All of it incredibly beautiful (girls clothes are way cuter than boys clothes. FACT) and most of it really impractical and uncomfortable looking.
I can say, without a doubt, my sister would have been happy with whatever came out. She would have been a brilliant MOB. She knows boys (example: she just sent me a text saying “Vaginas. Unchartered territory. It’s rough”). She’s not into all that princess shit and when I see her picking through the mountains of pink tulle and sequins like they might bite, I have a giggle.
This little girl is going to be awesome. She has a kick-arse mum, a doting dad and two older brothers who are as rough as guts. She also has an Aunty who will make sure she never ever thinks she’s only useful as decoration. This babe ain’t cheerleading for nobody.
51 comments
[…] UPDATE: The baby has finally arrived! Find out what my sister had over here. […]
This could have been written about me. When I had two boys I was constantly asked if I was going to try for a girl. When I was pregnant I got all The Comments. I was perfectly happy with the idea of having another boy – my other two are completely awesome. When my child was born one of the midwives said, ‘it’s a boy’, and I thought, ‘oh, okay. So I’m a mum of boys…’ HOWEVER, we then looked ‘down there’ and actually discovered we’d had a girl! We had similar reactions to our news as well. We were just over the moon our precious bundle was born healthy. Congrats to your sister and her family xx
Best post ever. Just read parts 1 and 2 and YES. The number of times I’ve been told how clever I am because I have one of each? What’s so clever about it? And I’m usually told this by people who KNOW how difficult conception was for us and what we went through to get there. GAH.
I remember being given a onesie for my daughter that said ‘ANGEL’ on the front and had WINGS on the back. Shudder. I hate the sequins, tulle and over-the-top cutesiness. Give me my son’s wardrobe any day.
(Congrats to your sister. And you. And all of that. x)
Great post and just read Part 1 too which I missed the first time around. Your little niece is gorgeous and I hope she grows up to do whatever she wants to, just like her big brothers and cousin (your little man). We went through a long journey of infertility (including IVF x 9) and adopted our two beautiful (but not always gorgeous) children, a daughter, 11 and son, 5. The are both from China and it is very interesting the gender reactions we get. We expected to adopt a girl the first time around – through the adoption process we let it be known that we would love to have a child of either gender. The ‘popular’ narrative is of unwanted Chinese girls. Then the second time around we got matched with a boy (having again indicated we would be thrilled with a child of either sex). We struck incredulous attitudes that we had been matched with a son, and on an individual level, we had to try to recalibrate the prevailing narrative – why was a ‘precious’ boy unwanted? I can’t believe how fortunate we are.
Man, she’s a peach. That little smile. Dang, I really don’t need cluckiness in my life right now 😉
She’s beautiful. She’s what she is, right? We just come out how we come out and then society decides that because were one way or another we’ll get treated one way or another, which is weird when you think about it. She’s a lucky little one to be born into such a fab family. x
She is absolutely divine and I Want one too. No shit I am desperate for a girl but all the ‘ohhh dear, you can try agains’ I got hen I had my third boy just made me want to punch people. Hard. Boys rock and girls rock too. I cheer for both sides 😉 xx
She is just the most precious thing ever. It’s just shit that people needed to weigh in on her arrival like it meant something to them. Why does it matter to other people what you have!?
Mums and Dads are the only people allowed to have a little bit of a desire for one or the other. They’re the ones who take the baby home. It only matters to them. Everyone else? Can SHUT THE FUCK UP. They don’t understand that saying something like “Oh, you can try for a girl next time” can be so upsetting for the parents for two reasons:
1. Maybe they really did want a girl and you’re just rubbing it in their faces.
2. You are INSULTING THEIR BRAND NEW BABY. Like that baby isn’t good enough for YOU?? SHUT UP.
OMG she is delicious and for sure girls come in all colours.. mine is light blue with pink trims, she wears dresses but not often, climbs trees like a pro and is a member of the dinosaur team..
No cheerleading here 🙂
Haha! She sounds AWESOME. I just hate that little girls have to be all pretty and sweet to please everyone’s desire to have their own little dress up doll. They’re human beings. And children. Let them do whatever the hell makes them happy. If they decide they want to encase themselves in a shrine of pink and sequins, then all power to them, but don’t force that on them. Let them decide who they want to be without telling them from day one, that they’re all about the pretty pretty princesses… we don’t do any of that shit to little boys. Boys never have to worry about what they look like (although I’m also a huge believer in letting little boys play with dolls and explore their nurturing side. They can play with more than just trucks and sticks)
How positively wonderful. Stunning photos.
Thank you Kaz! xx
Congrats to all. A baby is wonderful no matter the gender. I can’t believe the stupid comments people make. My ovaries are screaming at the sight of your beautiful niece. I can’t wait for my bestie to have her 3rd baby… I am craving baby cuddles. Jx
OMG watch out Jess…. those newborn baby cuddles are highly contagious. You might catch a serious case of the clucks. I’ve got a case so bad I’m in quarantine.
Aren’t some people just stupid with their comments?! She had a healthy baby, so YAY!! Gorgeous little one, with her proud aunty.
We decided to only have one, but from the day (seriously!) our daughter was born, we were constantly asked when the next one was happening. Then had to hear how selfish we were to not give her any siblings. Some people will find the negative in the happiest things.
Congratulation to that clever mama for making a human 🙂
Oh jesus, why can’t people just worry about themselves and stop trying to involve themselves in the reproduction of OTHER people!? It’s just strange. It doesn’t impact their lives at all, so why do they care so much!?
I have 4 girls…hubby missed out on his boy, but when people casually asked him…in front of the girls…. if he was disappointed that he didn’t have a boy, he replied “why on earth should I be disappointed, my girls can do anything a boy can…if not better”….. Having said that…girls are so much fun!
That’s what send me crazy – saying it in front of your children!? What is wrong with people?? They are basically saying to your girls “you are not good enough and don’t give enough happiness to your parents”
Well done to your husband for being just bloody awesome xxx
Awesome post. You get what you get and you don’t get upset – is what I was taught and teach my kids in all areas of life. How dare someone say “oh well another boy/girl – maybe next time”, when you have a beautiful healthy baby. Each child is precious, each life is unique and every baby born should be loved no matter the sex.
I love that saying!!
I love this post! Congrats to your sister and her family. I’m the mother of two boys, now 25 and 23, and I still remember when my second son was only hours old visitors to the hospital made stupid comments like “are you disappointed it’s another boy”, and “are you going to try for a girl?”. FFS.
I have heard this so many times… people rocking up to hospital to see a precious brand new baby and then turning around to the parents and asking if that baby was a disappointment. HOLY SHIT that blows my mind. How can those words even come out of your mouth when you’re looking at a newborn bubby?!
It’s on par with turning up and saying “jesus christ your child is so ugly!” You are insulting someone’s child. SHUT UP.
Congrats Aunty Lauren. I adore my daughter who is a kick-arse take-no-prisoners kinda gal and both sexes are equally awesome but I would have been just as happy to have another boy because BABY!! Girls are lovely but boys rock too. For starters they don’t get fucking tiaras as presents. Or ask for Frozen Parties. Or decree that the cake you slaved for hours over looks like genitalia. xx
Thank you Aleney! To be honest, if I had a child that announced to the room that my cake looked like a massive vagina, I think I’d love her even more. You can’t buy that kind of sass and spunk. She sounds like a total winner.
She is adorable! Talk about getting the ovaries excited! I have two girls and got the “oh well, girls are lovely!” yanno, as if boys aren’t?!
Even though parents of both boys and girls get the “oh, don’t you wish you had the other” comments, I do believe that mums of boys get more sympathy and pity, like multiple boys are so much harder than multiple girls. I think people think it’s funny to say “Oh no! Another BOY!” like it’s a universal thing that no one wants too many boys…. whereas for multiple girls, people are like “well at least you didn’t get too many boys” Ummm ta….
I hated the “pigeon pair” comments I received when I had a girl after my first boy. And then when I fell pregnant with my third, so many people asked why I was going again – you have your girl and your boy you know! Yes, I’m not stupid, I do know the gender and the number of my own children… For so many people it is more about the gender than the actual child. Yes, we did want to have three children. Yes we did want to have a middle child – shock horror! Great post about a mind set that is surprisingly prevalent throughout society!
SO prevalent. It’s ingrained in people. You MUST have at least two children and if you can swing it, you should have one of each. If you do manage to get one of each, you need to stop because you shouldn’t be greedy. If you have two of the same, you must go on to have a third and try for the other gender.
Where did this come from?
Oh, the comments! As a mum of 2 boys, I get them all.the.time. Great post, loved the original one also 🙂
Congratulations Aunty chick! She is one sweet lookin’ little human. I’m waiting for zee comments when my 3rd is born in a few months. I have 2 boys and I’m one of those risking being a MOB of 3!
OH NO! How disastrous! 😉
So I’m guessing you don’t know what you’re having?
Oh I had to put up with this crap for years. I had a Daughter first, followed by a Son (we were considered perfect by that stage). Then I decided to keep going – three more Sons in a row (4 boys total). My poor Daughter had to endure the most hideous comments from strangers and family about being an only girl all the time. Truth of the matter is she was quite happy and in control of them all – she still is. My sixth child – another girl. Finally we are all left alone – no more comments other than “Are they all yours?”
PS: Boys are so much easier than girls to raise! (And cheaper!)
It’s so weird that people feel the need to interfere and make assumptions about your family dynamics and what they feel you should have done….. Sigh…
Isn’t it funny? It took me awhile to get used to the idea of a girl, after 2 boys. Everyone just assumes. I think you get into a groove of one gender, so the other one seems a little strange until the little bod turns up…
Haha! My sister is finding that at the moment. We are a family of boys. We don’t have any little girls, so this is the first one. It means none of us have changed a girl nappy ever, so she’s freaking out because it all looks so different. I mean, she obviously has her own vagina, but this is different 😉
When I told people that our fourth baby was a girl people were over the moon for us. ” finally a girl,” was heard from everyone. I wanted to sleep them. A healthy baby was all I wanted. Then the princess shit started. I was quick to shut that down with ” she will not be a princess, they have no power. She will be a fucking queen & rule!” But people still carry on with the little princess crap…
Congrats to your fam on the safe arrival of your newest addition. A new baby is always a cause for smiles x
LOVE that! The Queen!!
And people don’t seem to understand that when they say things like “finally a girl” it totally devalues your sons. Like they were the consolation prize and finally you’ve got first place… Even worse when they say it in front of your other kids.
Naw love me a newborn baby (regardless of gender!!)
They are magical. And intoxicating. And totally overwhelmingly desirable when you have a mental case toddler swinging from the ceiling. Oh the stillness of a newborn….
Congrats! My sister told me I’m going to be the one who has all boys in our family. I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers so that’s not really fair. Come on! Had to laugh with you! I hope for a girl 2nd time around who’s a little more tame and then I think tame now and wild when she’s a teenager. Gah!!! Take it back loooord!
You’re so right! People go on about how wonderful little girls are – but they become teenage girls, and teenage girls aren’t all that wonderful!
I’ve got a wild child of my own and I’m keen for his teen years when he just lurks around and grunts at me. That sounds great right now!
2 big brothers to look out for their little sister as they grow up! So cute! I’m sure your adorable niece will be chilled on all that pink explosion. Can’t stand head bands and over the top bows mothers dress their little girls in. Just cute little dresses and skirts! That new baby look suits you
I think it suits me too 😉
And this little girl has no chance of being a princess. She’s off to live on a farm soon! Might need to buy her some tiny RM Williams
Isn’t it funny how we pit gender against gender? If you have boys, then you’re missing out on a girl and you MUST have one. But if you have girls, you’re missing out on a little buddy to throw the footy around with and you MUST have one. Drives.me.insane. THEY’RE ALL GOOD. They’re babies for crying out loud! And you know what? I’ll let you in on a secret. We need boys AND girls in order to keep society going. So yay Mums of boys, yay Mums of girls and yay Mums of boys and girls, you’re all so clever!! Well said lady, as always. Stop being so damn good at everything, will ya? xoxoxo
Oh yeah, grass is always greener and people will always assume you’re just not happy with what you’ve got. SURELY you want more!? SURELY you’re not satisfied with the beautiful children you have!?
I’m sure some of The Comments are headed your way Mumma 😉
Yeah. You know what. We need to implant some feminism course in maternity hospital. We have this great book here “i m a girl” all about what about girl like to do like soccer or pirats… I don t know if it s translated in english. When my friend recently had a baby girl i didn t go for pink dresses but i went for that book to offer. A message to the parents … omg life is complicated for women from baby age. ..Xx cathy
Oh that sounds like an awesome book! I’ll have to try and find it!! And you’re right… it’s tough being a girl with all the expectations placed on them. I say just let them be kids for a while before turning them into little dolls.
I love this. There are very few girls on my husband’s side of things. We recently gained another gorgeous nephew. Pressure will probably be on me now to produce a girl when we have a second baby (we like to keep people waiting – our first and only is almost 3.5). Unless my sister in law can bring herself to go again quickly haha. While I would love nothing more than to have a girl, I agree with your take on the situation! Love the way you’ve nailed it with humour and just the right amount of bite!
Any girl of mine is not wearing pink or being called a princess. Princess?? That alone makes me want to spew. I can think of heaps more awesome things to say about a girl! Of course, some girls choose this and I would accept it, but it has to be her choice, you know? Anyway, probably not much point speculating about my hypothetical future daughter, my husband’s genes and all…
Congrats to the 3rd time mummy!!! For having a BABY! xo
Yay, exactly! She spat out a BABY and that’s something to celebrate!
The whole princess thing is absolutely fine if the child decides, at age 3 or 4 she wants to be a princess or a fairy or a ballerina or whatever. You can’t stop the pink when they decide they love it. But I just wish people wouldn’t push that stuff on tiny babies. You know they have ‘My First Makeup Mirrors’ for 6 month olds? Christ’s sake that upsets me. Little girls are just as awesome as little boys and they are worth much much more than their pretty clothes and accessories.
Oh, don’t be so silly. Girls CHOOSE that pink princess shit, donchaknow. Love the post, love the name, love the pic of you with bub and LOVE when you get your cranky pants a little bit on. Cranky and clucky. Congrats, Aunty Lauren x
She was given a fucking tiara. Not joking.