When they’re born, baby giraffes fall out of mum (6ft drop onto their heads, mind you) hop up on their fresh widdle pins and toddle off like it was no big thing. Within an hour of taking their first gulp of air, they’re taking care of business. Most of the animal kingdom is like this: the babies pop out and off they go, conquering life like pros.
Not human babies of course. Somewhere along the evolutionary process, our babies just gave up on the whole “will to survive” thing. Like, “nah, mum’ll sort that out for me”
So for mums, it’s not just the sleep deprivation that’s killing us (side note: how often does a baby giraffe wake up in the night? 🤨) it’s the battle to keep them alive. That’s the true exhaustion here. Because our kids simply won’t make the effort for themselves.
I feel like I spend most of my time arguing with small people to LIVE, GODDAMN YOU. Because carrying out the bare necessities of existence is just too hard or annoying for them.
YOU MUST EAT OR YOU WILL DIE. Yeah nah, thanks anyway, mum.
YOU MUST SLEEP OR YOU WILL DIE. Sounds serious, but I’m all good thanks.
YOU MUST GET DOWN FROM THAT GREAT HEIGHT/ STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE/ NOT RUN IN FRONT OF CARS OR YOU WILL DIE. Calm down woman and WATCH MEEEEEE.
I swear to God, there were even times I had to scream at my newborn children to BREATHE CHILD, BREATHE! Because they forgot to do that too.
Why do they fight me on this? Why don’t they just *know* how to live? Are they trying to fuck with us or are they just really dumb?
IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD YOU KAMIKAZE MORON CHILD. Just breathe, eat, sleep, keep warm, don’t kill yourself. OKAY!?!?!