Ensure children have a solid sleep routine or they’ll become stunted potatoes who’ll never make it past kindergarten but definitely don’t sleep train or they’ll become sociopaths who’ll never establish a human connection.
They must eat vegetables or they’ll get scurvy and die but you mustn’t force feed them or make mealtimes a battleground. Also, you must not feed them anything with sugar but also don’t be one of those mums who forces her kids to eat carrots at birthday parties because everyone hates that kid.
Don’t force your children to speak to people because you should respect their bodily autonomy but they also need to say hello and please and thank you to everyone they meet or you’ve failed as a mother.
Allow your children to learn through play because rote learning is harmful but also make sure they know the alphabet, all their numbers, the table of elements and the full text of the UN Charter before they start school.
Make sure your children get plenty of fresh air and sunshine but don’t let the sun actually touch their skin because DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO DIE?
Allow your children the freedom to explore and challenge themselves but if they get hurt you ought to have them removed from your care, you neglectful degenerate.
Go back to work to show your kids the value of employment but don’t put your kids in daycare because why would you have them just so someone else can raise them?
Cherish every moment because it all goes so fast but don’t be too smug about it because then you’re just rubbing it in the faces of people who can’t have kids.
Support but don’t hover, don’t yell but be authoritative, don’t overschedule their time but don’t be so lazy, give them all your time but don’t spoil them, take this job seriously but just relax, you uptight psychopath.
#thisiswhyimsotired #babythud#ihadnoidea #stilldont #everydayanewmistake
Yep – you’ve pretty much summed it up! I’m trying this revolutionary new thing with child number 2 that I never tried with child number one: not giving a fuck what other people think! Which is probably also the wrong thing to do because now I might have screwed up child number one, but not child number two and that’s not fair 😝