Sarge has been away for work quite a bit lately and I’ve been sick, which sucks because THUD.
Luckily he’s two now which means he’s pretty helpful when I need him to be.
By helpful I mean he can fetch things for me…. If I bribe him.
Of course, that depends on what he deems to be ‘helping’, which is often the opposite of what I call helping.
For example, this is our afternoon last week:
(While Thud is pretty verbal these days, it seems only his father and I can understand him so I’ve translated as best I can)
Mummy: Bubby, Mummy is feeling a bit sick so I’m just going to lie on the couch while you play quietly, ok?
Thud: Bahahaha… good luck with that.
Mummy: No I’m serious mate, I need you to just play quietly for a little bit because Mummy really doesn’t feel great.
Thud: No, I’m serious Mum. It’s hilarious to me that you think this will happen. But, by all means, lie down. Relax….. hahahahahahahaaaaaa
Mummy: Ok, fine, do you want me to turn on the TV? Why don’t we watch some Wiggles?
Thud: Sure, we can try that. Sucker.
Mummy: Here you go. Oh look, Play School!
Thud: NO! You said Wiggles. This is not Wiggles. This is Play School. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
Mummy: Come on mate, it’s Play School, you love Play School.
Thud: Sure, but you said Wiggles, and this is clearly not The Wiggles. I will not stand for your lies and deception. MAKE IT THE WIGGLES OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.
Mummy: FINE. If you find me the iPad, you can watch The Wiggles.
Thud: Better.
(eleven minutes later)
Thud: MORE!
Mummy: Ok, but please can you get Mummy’s water bottle from her bag over there while I find another episode for you?
Thud: Here Mummy!
Mummy: No darling, not my wallet. Or my sunglasses. Where did you find that muesli bar? Oh god, don’t eat that biscuit, I don’t know how long that’s been in there. No, don’t take the lid off! Oh Jesus Christ…. Now can you please get me a tea towel to mop that up? NO NOT YOUR JUMPER. OR YOUR SOCKS!
Thud: I’m HELPING, woman. Talk about ungrateful.
Mummy: Lord help me.
Thud: I’m here, what do you need him for? I’ll get you anything you need.
Mummy: Ok mate, can you see my cough lollies in there?
Thud: Did you say lollies? Where’s mine?
Mummy: No mate, not lollies for you, these ones are for sick people. You wouldn’t like them.
Thud: Try me.
Mummy: These ones are so Mummy can get rid of her blocked nose.
Thud: I’ll show you how to get rid of a blocked nose.
Mummy: No! Don’t hit Mummy in the face.
Thud: I’m HELPING.
Mummy: Hitting hurts. Don’t hit Mummy.
Thud: Plus it’s funny.
Mummy: Why don’t we cuddle instead? Mummy would love a cuddle.
Thud: Give me a biscuit.
Mummy: Sigh.
Have you ever tried to get a child to look after you? Has it ever worked?
This post was sponsored by Strepsils
60 comments
Hahaha, just read your newsletter, congrats on baby no 2, hope you start feeling a lot better and soon x
Hello. Really heart warming read, and hope you recovered well. Best wishes!
HAHAHA, this is hilarious. I’ve never thought to translate what the conversations between me and my threenager would be but I have feeling they might not be suitable for publish!! Hope you feel better soon x
Oh, I’m sure I’ll be getting some serious unpublishable attitude any day now Robyn!!
Oh you poor thing. Another 6 months and I reckon the Thud will respond well to bribery. It’s been my saviour! And I was one of those parents to be that thought oh I’ll never use bribery on my children. pfft!
Xx
I can’t wait for bribery to work. It’ll be an essential tool in my arsenal Shannon!
My 2 are very sweet when I’m down for the count. Although it sure makes up for their EXTREME man flu! For that we have to sit on the couch all day, cuddling, ABC 4 kids on and don’t even think about getting up for food, drinks or toilet break or there’s hell to pay! Hope you’re feeling better soon lovely. Thud tween years translation is clearly going to be a corker! Although heads up – Ive been getting eye rolls at 4yrs old – wtf?!
I wish mine would sit still when he’s sick, Jo. Not even man flu would stop him. GO GO GO GO!
I love that you made this into a hilarious conversation with the Thud. As a mother of a 2 yr old boy, I can completely relate! Especially to the WIGGLES!!! Although this week it’s all about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He’s been 2 for a week now and I swear his tantrums just increased by 50%. WHAT is that about. haha
I love Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! Your boy has great taste!
Again!!! WHY? Why are they actng like that? Aren’t they at least a bit grateful for us mummy who were sick pregnant, gave birth and suffered and now , we don’t have the right to be sick? (or tired) pffffff…. xx cathy
Bahahaha…. No gratitude ever Cathy!!
This is gold. It’s also almost exactly what it was like last time I tried to get a little rest in on the couch. Thank god for Foxtel series link and ABC for Kids iView app on iPad!
Oh god. I have a two year old. And I am dying a bit at the thought of ever being sick when she is the only one around!!!
LOL!!! I remember when my boys were 2. I couldn’t get them to do anything! ANYTHING! Wait. That is still the situation 🙂
P.S My hometown is Canberra – we need to catch up for a coffee at Gus’ next time I’m there! x
My kids are slightly older, 3.5, 5 and 7 so are actually quite thoughtful and helpful now. If they’re not I just cry and that works! Guilt them in to being nice to me!
I should totally try crying! It might work… Might….
Having a toddler and in the case of my Tiny Dictator a super energetic one, I have found nothing works better at getting us back on our feet then their help. Even better then penicillin lol
Oh he’s like a doctor in disguise Michelle. Just THE BEST.
Aw bless, perhaps he’ll be a doctor when he grows up, they’re known for their bedside manner too 😉
I had gastro a few weeks back and had my 3 yr old holding my hair back and rubbing my back while I puked – AHHH lovely! But then the almost 2 yr old stole her cuddly and ran off with it AND the loo paper, so of course she had to chase him, throwing my hair back in my vom-stained face as she left, and leaving me stranded with no loo paper. Mum-sick sucks arse.
Oh shit that sounds marvellous. At least there was a glimmer of sympathy there for you!
Our cherubs are kindred spirits. I particularly like when I’m feeling super ill, that Miss 3 (or from here on in shall we refer to her as Miss 666?) likes to practice her WWE body slams on me. Because IT’S SO FUN MUMMY. And then she laughs. An evil cackle. Well actually it’s a really cute giggle but at the time it’s like she is mocking me and laughs like Cruella Deville. But Miss 5 is a total helper. So Thud might get there in a couple of years. He’s like a fine wine right now, just in the process of maturing. Right? x
Why the body slams when sick Sasha? I get them all the time. Just when I’m feeling like throwing up, he’ll run across the room and take a flying leap onto my stomach. How does he know? HOW? And why is it always so freaking hilarious???
The Thud is so ever helpful isn’t he! Hope you are feeling better!
He certainly thinks so Steph! Thank you xx
Lol mine just pokes me then turns my face side to side and starts whacking me if I ever try to lie on the couch or pretend to sleep while I’m sick.
Get up Mum, get up Mum, get up Mum….. yep, I feel you Toni. Ugh.
I’m sorry, but is it wrong that I really like THUD and his devilish ways… no of course he should get his mum the water and stop playing with her emotions lol. Kids help? haha as helpful as a lobotomy with a blunt screwdriver xx
You’re a traitor Sonia! But he is really cute I guess. Just a bit less cute when I feel like crap.
Sigh, this is exactly what it is like. And I have the start of a killer head cold and not looking forward to the fallout of it.
Oh Malinda I hope it clears up really quickly!!!
Oh boy. I can totally relate. Netflix for kids has been my saviour. Of course, I would rather just get sick RIGHT BEFORE MY FIRST EVER MINI HOLIDAY AWAY FROM MY CHILD THAT I HAVE BEEN EXCITED ABOUT FOREVER and be really sick the WHOLE TIME I’M GONE and then get home and be TOTALLY FINE.
Because that’s what happens, right? Or at least that’s what happened to me last time I got sick!
x
Oh Kez that sucks big time!!!
I think as Mums we get all of about 5 minutes to be sick and then it’s game on as usual as far as the little people go. My girls wanted to be helpful this morning and make their own breakfast – it’s 6 hours later and I’m still finding cheerios! I hope you feel better soon. x
Oh yep, that fine line between letting them be helpful and independent and not wanting the house to be destroyed…. It’s always fun Vicki!
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that their help is never helpful.
Get better soon. x
Seems so Amanda. Hopefully one day!
It’s awful when you are sick and there is no one to look after you – and you still have humans to look after! I remember laying on the couch also and having chaos going on around me. (And The Wiggles – thank goodness for them but I will never get those songs out of my head). I can tell you though, kids are great helpers when they are older. Hang in there … x
That makes me feel much better. I can’t wait for that Bronnie!
It’s no fun being sick and a mum. You don’t get sick time and it sucks! And I find myself pitying myself. LOL. Why can’t our little people understand? They try to help but often it makes it worse. I hope you get better soon. x
So much self-pity Bec!!
Hahaha! OMG, I can totally relate to this. Except in our house it is Hugglemonsters instead of the Wiggles and nothing else will suffice. I think you would really enjoy my latest blog posts ’10 Truths About Little Boys’ which is in the FYBF link up, it is totally along the same lines!
I’ve never watched the Hugglemonsters Haidee. Maybe I need to check it out! Thanks for stopping by, will have to come and check yours out xx
I think toddler lingo is universal! Hope you’re feeling better 🙂
Yeah, it’s always sarcastic and never obedient.
To quote your translation of THUD, bahahaha. Love it. Hope you’re feeling better.
No thanks to this kid Emily! Thank you xx
Isn’t 11 minutes of the Wiggles enough to make anyone feel ill!? x
Better than 11 minutes of almost anything else. Kids shows are the worst Sammie!
You nailed that one! I can totally picture this happening in our house too! I hope you recovered quickly, because goodness knows your nurse wouldn’t have upskilled 😉
Thank you for saying that Krissy, it makes me feel less alone! There is zero upscaling happening at our joint. The sicker I am, the funnier he finds it.
I remember being in the throws of morning sickness and Ari was crazy. It wasn’t until I threw up in front of him that he kind of got that Mummy wasn’t well. He had never seen anyone throw up before so he appeared a little shocked. From then on anytime I made a noise he would ask me if I was “a bit sick?”
Ari is clearly a very caring and considerate little boy. Thud is…. um… getting there. Hopefully?
It is a bit frightening when they see you sick. James once saw me sick after a heavy night of drinking. He was right there with me, then re-enacted me throwing up to Daddy when he came home. Whoops!
Ahh yes, you committed the cardinal sin of kids TV watching. Do not suggest a TV program unless you are 100% sure that it is available for watching at that given moment, because no other alternative will suffice. My husband does it all the time and I hiss at him hysterically, ‘Don’t SAY that!’ and break into a sweat. And that’s when I’m in perfect health…
Oh I know Zoe. I’m such an idiot. I should have known better!!
It’s like hell when you are sick and your kid is around/couldn’t give a shit/acts like a kid. I am going to get all ‘payback’ on my kid when he is in school and wants to come home because he is sick. Nope. Suffer the consequences from 13 years ago son.
Hahahaha, I love that Kelly. I’ll have to start a tally so I can get my revenge later on.
Bahahaha… What a great helper you have
SO helpful. Just the best.