Sarge has been away for work quite a bit lately and I’ve been sick, which sucks because THUD.
Luckily he’s two now which means he’s pretty helpful when I need him to be.
By helpful I mean he can fetch things for me…. If I bribe him.
Of course, that depends on what he deems to be ‘helping’, which is often the opposite of what I call helping.
For example, this is our afternoon last week:
(While Thud is pretty verbal these days, it seems only his father and I can understand him so I’ve translated as best I can)
Mummy: Bubby, Mummy is feeling a bit sick so I’m just going to lie on the couch while you play quietly, ok?
Thud: Bahahaha… good luck with that.
Mummy: No I’m serious mate, I need you to just play quietly for a little bit because Mummy really doesn’t feel great.
Thud: No, I’m serious Mum. It’s hilarious to me that you think this will happen. But, by all means, lie down. Relax….. hahahahahahahaaaaaa
Mummy: Ok, fine, do you want me to turn on the TV? Why don’t we watch some Wiggles?
Thud: Sure, we can try that. Sucker.
Mummy: Here you go. Oh look, Play School!
Thud: NO! You said Wiggles. This is not Wiggles. This is Play School. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
Mummy: Come on mate, it’s Play School, you love Play School.
Thud: Sure, but you said Wiggles, and this is clearly not The Wiggles. I will not stand for your lies and deception. MAKE IT THE WIGGLES OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.
Mummy: FINE. If you find me the iPad, you can watch The Wiggles.
(eleven minutes later)
Mummy: Ok, but please can you get Mummy’s water bottle from her bag over there while I find another episode for you?
Thud: Here Mummy!
Mummy: No darling, not my wallet. Or my sunglasses. Where did you find that muesli bar? Oh god, don’t eat that biscuit, I don’t know how long that’s been in there. No, don’t take the lid off! Oh Jesus Christ…. Now can you please get me a tea towel to mop that up? NO NOT YOUR JUMPER. OR YOUR SOCKS!
Thud: I’m HELPING, woman. Talk about ungrateful.
Mummy: Lord help me.
Thud: I’m here, what do you need him for? I’ll get you anything you need.
Mummy: Ok mate, can you see my cough lollies in there?
Thud: Did you say lollies? Where’s mine?
Mummy: No mate, not lollies for you, these ones are for sick people. You wouldn’t like them.
Thud: Try me.
Mummy: These ones are so Mummy can get rid of her blocked nose.
Thud: I’ll show you how to get rid of a blocked nose.
Mummy: No! Don’t hit Mummy in the face.
Thud: I’m HELPING.
Mummy: Hitting hurts. Don’t hit Mummy.
Thud: Plus it’s funny.
Mummy: Why don’t we cuddle instead? Mummy would love a cuddle.
Thud: Give me a biscuit.
Have you ever tried to get a child to look after you? Has it ever worked?
This post was sponsored by Strepsils