It is the great divide between the breeders and the childless in society….The witching hour(s).
Blissfully unaware non-parents will spend the hours between 4pm and 7pm wrapping up a few things at work, heading home for dinner, or perhaps even heading out to meet up with friends for a jolly laugh and a beverage or four. They’re looking forward to seeing their partner and having an intimate chat about the day, maybe also about politics and their life dreams…. The day is done, they’re ready for some fun. The biggest wrinkle in their afternoon will be battling traffic to get home.
On the other side of town is a completely different battle. There is a mother battling the desire to just walk out the front door and not come back. There is a father battling his need to pick up a bottle of scotch and start drinking. There are infants battling wind, colic, exhaustion. There are toddlers everywhere, battling EVERYTHING.
The only time the two sides will collide is when a childless person inadvertently picks up the phone to call their mum friend.
Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you’re walking down a dark hallway lined with doors and you pick a door only to be greeted with the most horrific, face-melting scene of roaring terror that tries to suck your soul out of your body and you wake up gasping for air? That’s that phone call.
The call is, at most, two minutes long in which approximately two full sentences are spoken in between yelling and shrieking and crashing and swearing, followed by the phone being dropped on the floor and kicked under the couch while the poor innocent caller is left crying “hello? hello?” into the abyss before hanging up, fed-up, forlorn, forgotten.
While scientists insist time doesn’t move any slower during the afternoon, anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise. Ask any parent and they’ll tell you the morning was great! There was giggling and playing and learning and all sorts of fun stuff. And then after nap time?
Like swimming in mud.
The previously adorable child refuses to exist anywhere but on mum’s hip and will claw handfuls of thigh flesh in an attempt to scale Mum mountain, whinging and whining all the way to the top. The infant watches the clock tick over to 4pm and starts wailing in agony and refuses to stop until 7pm. The toddler insists on opening every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen so he can throw every item he finds on the floor to create a fun obstacle course for mum as she cooks dinner.
And then dad walks in the door and things get ramped up to Factor FUCK.
The only intimate moments in this house will be the silent nod one parent gives when the other holds up a bottle of wine. Their life-dreams are “that you do bath-time tonight”
The witching hours are a collision of wills and an ignition of frayed tempers. It’s an all-in brawl of over-tired people who just want the day to be OVER already.
Of course, the witching hours do end. Eventually they dissolve into the most wonderful time of the day. Bed time.
It’s a bare-knuckle, knock-down, drag yourself over the line with bloody fingernails race, but you all get there in the end.
And then, after the longest few hours of your life, the little people, all clean and smelling fresh, wrap their sleepy little arms around your neck and instantly you panic about how fast it’s all going.
How’s witching hour in your house today? Is everyone still alive?
I hope you’re over having fun with us all at The Thud on Facebook!?
52 comments
[…] Spend the hours between 4pm – 7pm thinking about yourself. Just sit and relax. Maybe take a […]
[…] studies been done to prove that time goes slower between the hours of ‘end of nap’ and ‘dinnertime’ […]
It’s 8 pm. They are asleep! Well I think so… I won’t go upstairs just to check that! Haha xx ps still alive and enjoying herbal tea while reading nice blogs!
I think it’s very clever of children to look so cute when they’re asleep so that all ills may be forgotten. Okay, maybe not forgotten, but forgiven. Yes, forgiven x
Ask me to write a post about how much I love my kids at 9pm at night – man you will get a different version that what it is at 9am or 5pm 😉 xx
Bahahaha!!! So true. Sooo much easier to love them when they’re asleep 😉
haha our witching hour is 12noon til 1ish give or take. Every day I get an overly cranky very clingy bubby who just wants to be held and entertained! In fact I’m currently waving a little lion rattle at my girl while she grizzles… its 1.19pm lol
Sometimes I look back on my kids’ early childhood and all I can see are the witches. Those many witching hours (ours generally started at 4 and ended about 11pm) nearly killed me. Now, they do their thing and I do mine and sometimes we hang out together. If I can get through it, anyone can get through it! x
You give me hope. You are my light at the end of the tunnel xxx
We’re past witching hour around here now, but there’s still 4 million reasons to get out of bed every night!! it used to baffle me why telemarketers would bother to even ring anyone between 4 and 6, but they did on a regular basis!!!
Bring on the wine, hun x
I may be childless, but I know not to ring my mum friends during Witching Hour. Ever. I know this because I have experienced Witching Hour first hand once or twice (that was quite enough, thank you very much.) It was quite a sight to behold. The only thing I enjoyed was the wine I was compelled to consume after! High five to all the parents AKA the Witching Hour Busters!
Ahh nice! You know what, we’ve never had full blown witching hour in our house (I don’t know why, but am forever grateful). I do however have the child who, the second she gets home from daycare, attaches herself to me and doesn’t allow me to go near the kitchen or do anything remotely useful towards running my house until 7pm (her bedtime). It’s nice to be loved but …
I all of a sudden feel that I need to make the most of my time while I still can… the only problem with that is I can’t do any fun things. No wine, no brie and biscuits for dinner, no freaking energy ever.
I’m sure it’ll all be worth it… and don’t tell me otherwise if not!!
No parent will ever tell you it’s not worth it. Even at their worst, they’re still worth it. That’s the cool thing about being a parent xxx
The witching hour……the only thing that gets me through is the idea of wine o’ clock, which has to happen at 7.30pm, if not earlier. Bedtimes in our house have to be by 7.30pm. You should see me unravel when it doesn’t work out!
Yay for wine o’clock!!!
factor fuck has a witching hour all of its own in this house! One word = wine!
Xx
Lauren, I’ve walked in your shoes as countless others have before us. Mine are 4 & 7 and although the witching hour is phasing out, new shit just takes its place!!! I’m just recovering from Hubby being away for 3 weeks on the east coast to watch cricket with his mates, so I bought a Problogger ticket!!! Look forward to having a stiff drink or two with you there!! Child free!!! X
When the phone rings at witching hour I just laugh and shake my head.
Every witching hour is equal to five non-witching hours. My secret is to go to the gym as soon as hubby gets home from work to give myself 45 minutes to recoup and face dinner time without loosing my shiz. I take comfort the fact that my grandma talks about what she did with witching hour when her kids were little 60 years ago and SHE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A TV.
Oh Jesus…. No TV??? I have no idea how I would manage without freaking Dinosaur Train and Octonauts!
We are all alive, but just barely! My husband bore the brunt of it and looks like he’s having a bit of a nervous breakdown right now.
Bahahaha…. God bless the men folk. The shit always hits the fan when dad comes home. The child is so excited he loses his mind and I often scream “tag, you’re it!” and run away and hide somewhere they can’t find me.
Ramped up to Factor Fuck alright. 6pm can’t come soon enough in this house most evening. i think I could crack the glass of the clock just by willingly staring at it for 6pm to arrive. I try to counteract the witching by wearing the kids down during the mornings with outings and the like. It usually works ok but geez when it doesn’t its all on. Thankfully Im in the wine biz and I survive ok!! Great post. I was with you every word..
I must check the clock every forty seconds or so. At least.
Now tell me more about this wine biz…..
No-ones ever been dumb enough to call me during witching hour lol. I do count down to bed time each night 🙂
You have smart friends
It’s like a tidal wave that witching hour. You can always feel it brewing. The kids go mad, they harass the poor dog, dinner is taking longer to prepare than planned, no sign of husband home – even though last time you spoke he was bound to be home by now, and you’re head us about to explode! It usually gets to a point where if husband doesn’t arrive home to calm the farm at the right moment something happens – last night it was milk decorated over the couch. I drank a lot of wine to get over that one 🙂
Oh god, when you get that message that says “on my way” and then it feels like two hours until they get home. Have sent a message back once saying “you’d better be home very soon or you won’t have a son to come home to”.
Love it!
I fall in the child-free couple category where witching hour involves preparing dinner, cleaning a bit and then blogging, writing, reading or spending time together. Having said that, those hours speed by so quickly, I feel like I don’t get much done at all. And then I always wonder how parents manage!
Wanna swap? Just for a couple nights….
Oh witching hour is very much alive in my home with 6 kids! It starts at 4pm when I drive home and goes until 9pm when they’ve finally all vanished into bedrooms – exhausting!
SIX!? I’m exhausted with one! You are a super woman. I can only imagine the noise levels…
This is the hour when you need to have a shot of tequila before it starts just to get you through. Unfortunately as your kids get older, witching hours involves driving around until 7pm while popping back to make dinner and grab other kids, so that shot can no longer happen.
Oh, all the driving…. That makes me tired just thinking about it. You must be ready for bed at the same time as the kids!
God, the witching hour. Had it in it’s most stereotypical form with the biggest lass. The dread would start at 1pm, along with comfort eating and restraining oneself from drinking alllll the wine. Second lass? No witching hour at all!! Don’t worry, she’s making up for it now. Is there such a thing as witching life? x
Well that’s a surprise! She never got crazy and weird in the late afternoon? Lucky! Or does she just spread the crazy across the whole day?
Reckon number 3 will be a super cruisy little thing. Two high energy big sisters = chillax number 3.
The urge to “just nip out for a pack of cigarettes ” is never so strong as during those wicked witching hours.
I don’t smoke but hey, whatever gets me out of the freaking house!!
Bahahaha!!! I think I should join a gym. I don’t exercise but maybe their classes are only on at 5pm so I have to opt out of dinner time??? Sounds believable! See ya!
Ah yes…witching hour. I’d put it out of my mind as Miss 2.5 is perfectly pleasant in the evening now. I realise she is lulling us into a false sense of security…
At 2.5yrs!? Surely you are working some black magic there. Tell me your secrets….
Ok – last comment tonight. In view of my punctuation/grammatical errors I have to confess to having drunk wine during Witching Hour.
Bahahaha, Kathy, this is my favourite comment ever.
You have truly capture it Lauren. The witching hour/s exist to remind us of the other hours in the day that might be better. In hindsight, they are also a source of great inspiration. As someone caught in the last throes of witching hour I want to say suck it up, or even savour it, because it will soon go and then you have to determine whether hours are good or not, as opposed to being simply witching. X
I have not read any of your word.s. I am going to go back and read your wise words. In the meantime I question why there is no picture of wine associated with the witching hour. Please correct.
Mine are a bit older so witching hour is ok now, except for dinner time, that still takes forever but we are well into the “Go the Fuck to Sleep” stage. Every question under the sun comes out after you’ve said goodnight and turned the lights out and then there are 5 million reasons why they have to get up and do something and then just one more question……
What?? Bedtime gets harder??!? Oh god, I’m only just recovering from the trauma of getting him to sleep through the night. And you’re telling me the job’s not finished? There’s more coming? Oh dear lord, just lie down and close your eyes kids. It’s really that easy.
Hahahaha oh boy I love the line, “And then dad walks in the door and things get ramped up to Factor FUCK.”
So so true. It’s CHAOS.
The voices. The noise. The inability to have adult conversations. OMFG.
So glad you’re raising awareness on such a tough issue. We must stay strong!
Why do they always get worse when dad walks in the room? Seriously? They’re so excited to see him but their behaviour just gets ten times worse.
It’s amazing the ups and downs of being a parent. In one day I can go from loving him so much I want to bite him, to wanting to throttle him and back to loving him again. I’m only just starting to grasp that that’s normal and it’ll be like that for a long long time….
I thought I knew witching hour. I wasn’t too worried…oh bless, I was so naive. I NOW know witching hour! Toddler tyrant and screaming infant. One fighting off eating dinner. The other wanting to cluster feed all night. Bring on 7:30pm when they are both (fingers crossed) asleep!
Oh you poor darling…my head hurts just thinking about it. The dinner fight alone can bring me to tears, the idea of having another one screaming for boob makes me want to curl up in the corner and sob.