If you’ve ever spoken to a heavily pregnant woman, you’ll know she’s lost touch with rational thought. Reason and common sense have gone the way of her waistline. BOOM.
She’ll never admit it, but pregnancy has made her a tiny bit more sensitive than she’d normally be. This can make conversation with a pregnant woman like running through a beautiful field riddled with bindis. And land mines. And rabid dogs.
Be prepared to be misinterpreted, taken out of context and straight up misquoted.
She doesn’t mean to be so precious. She might even have the occasional flash of lucidity that tells her she’s being a tad dramatic but chances are she’s not even aware of it and she thinks you’re the one being incredibly insensitive.
In the interest of saving the relationship with your preggo mate (the good news is it’s temporary so don’t write her off just yet), here’s a list of questions you might want to avoid:
“How much longer to go?”
Innocuous, innocent question? You’re just making conversation, right? You’d think so… but do you know what she hears?
“Because you’re so disgustingly huge you look like you’re ready to drop your bundle on my feet.”
Be prepared to get spittle on your face as she hisses, “I still have 14 weeks to go, thanks for asking….”
Alternatively she’ll hear, “because I’m so bored with your pregnancy I want it to be over already.”
SO sorry to bore you. I promise I won’t drop my kid on your shoes.
Maybe.
“Get sleep while you can!”
Oh well aren’t you the font of all knowledge and advice? You seem to know ALL about having babies. Because someone told you once that babies don’t sleep much, so you helpfully suggest she saves up all her Zzz’s so she won’t feel tired when the baby is cluster feeding every 90 minutes like a tiny, hungry vampire.
- Sleep doesn’t work that way. There’s no bank to withdraw from that will make the upcoming months of sleeplessness bearable.
- PREGNANT WOMEN DON’T SLEEP EITHER. They’re constantly awake because they have heartburn or they have a baby pushing on their bladder or their pillow fortress has just collapsed or they’ve just copped a kick to the diaphragm that has them waking up, gasping for breath.
- If she has any other children… sleep? Hahahahahaha…. shut up.
“You’re so big/ small/ medium/ barely showing/ freaking enormous…. “
JUST. DON’T. GO. THERE. Nothing you say will be interpreted the way you meant it.
It is NEVER a compliment to tell someone they are huge. Even when they are pregnant. Trust me. Just don’t talk about it.
If she’s small, she’s probably worried about it and will feel judged if you mention it. Yes, logically we know you’re trying to be nice but it won’t stop her thinking, “are you saying I’m not taking care of my baby, that I’m already a crap mother?” It’s like falling down the rabbit hole of faux pas. AVOID.
If she looks normal…. well what’s normal anyway? Look, this is a no-win conversation. There is nothing to gain from mentioning her size. You wouldn’t discuss this with a non-pregnant person so avoid gawking at the enormous preggo.
“Is the baby here yet?”
Oh, I’m sorry, are you impatiently awaiting the arrival of my child? How annoying for YOU.
Do not expect a favourable response from a woman in her final weeks of pregnancy. She’s busy drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea and eating green curries in an effort to get that watermelon out. She really doesn’t need to be managing the disappointment of her friends and family on top of it all. If she needs some extra irritation, she’ll let you know.
If she wants you to know she’s in labour, she’ll call. If she doesn’t want you to know, because it’s really none of your business, she won’t. Rest assured, you’ll find out when the baby actually arrives. So quit nagging or suffer the terrifying, hormonal consequences.
“Are you excited?”
Well there’s really only one acceptable response for this and it’s, “OMFG I’m wetting my pants with wonderment and joy!” so if the mum-to-be is feeling a bit blah about it she’s going to have to lie and then go home and feel shit because there’s obviously something wrong with her because she’s not farting rainbows in anticipation.
Truth is, a lot of first time mums feel anything but excited. They feel anxious and nervous and a tiny bit terrified and completely overwhelmed. But they’re not allowed to say that because people don’t actually care if you’re shitting yourself, they only want to hear about how all your dreams are coming true.
So let’s all agree that YOU are really excited and she’s probably losing her mind a little bit so let’s skip the whole charade and just give her a hug. Just don’t touch her tummy while you’re at it.
“How’s it all going?”
Don’t ask this question unless you actually want to know in vivid detail. Then go right ahead and ask. Thank you.
Deep down, we know you’re just showing an interest and making conversation but the logic that was once present is long gone. It has been smothered in ugly, hairy, bloated hormones. The closer to the end she is, the more irrational she’ll get. Unless you’ve happened upon one of those rare, peaceful pregnant women who is completely unfazed by everything happening to her. They do exist. I’ve seen them. I’m not one of them….
Looking for stuff you CAN say to a pregnant woman? Tell her she looks gorgeous. Compliment her hair, which probably looks better than it ever has. Tell her she’s glowing and you can’t wait to meet her beautiful baby. Then give her a hug and ask if she’d like a cup of tea and a biscuit. Or four.
Have you ever unintentionally offended a pregnant woman? Have you been that mortally offended preggo?
24 comments
What an article!!! I’m currently pregnant with my second child and I don’t mind these questions at all! Pregnancy/birth is an incredible and difficult experience, I think women should be able to talk about their “war stories” openly. I can say the whole “enjoy life while you still can” bit is bothersome because it usually comes from people without kids who don’t understand or bitter people who need to be taking advice and not giving it.Thanks!
As a woman who isn’t pregnant, but does hope to be one day (I don’t know why I shared that but it felt important to!) I have to admit to not getting the stomach thing, when my friends were pregnant I didn’t touch there bellies unless they asked me too.. who in their right minds thinks they can touch a strangers belly? It just sounds too weird to be true!
OMG. I had so many quasi-acquaintances ask ‘were you trying for a baby?’ We weren’t, but we also weren’t at all opposed to having a baby. I mean, we were childless at 32, for crying out loud. It was fine, and we were overjoyed. But that was not the right answer. And then enduring SEVERAL lectures from serious know-it-alls about not using birth control. To me, a woman with a job, married to a man with a job, who owned a house with furniture and a car and towels and frickin’ shredded cheese in the fridge and clean socks and everything. Gah.
Bahahaha! It’s when you’ve got shredded cheese in the fridge that you know you’ve really got your shit together.
I once had my manager’s brother’s girlfriend say she wanted to touch my belly. When I was 12 weeks. I was like THERES NO BABY BUMP ITS JUST FAT and I’m pretty sure at that stage the baby’s mostly in your pelvis still…so yeah, have a feel of my vagina. Go on. It’ll be magical!
I think we need to make it a rule that if you wouldn’t hug someone, you shouldn’t touch their belly. Simple. (Though I’ve actually been lucky and haven’t had strangers touching my belly, yet).
My 2nd baby was a little fatty and I had quite a big basketball belly, everything sticking straight out. My MIL asked me if I was SURE it wasn’t twins every time I saw her. Which was once a week. She’s also asked me on three occasions if I was pregnant when I wasn’t, whenever she thought I was looking a little chunky, and has gently reminded me a few times that I never really “recovered” from my pregnancies. By that she meant losing the baby weight. People! They’re the worst!
OMG I’m crying…. It’ll be magical!! And Madeleine, your mother in law needs a talking too I’d be happy to do it on your behalf…
I found the touching of my belly by strangers awkward, and usually uncomfortable. Even acquaintances, like my chiro’s receptionist.
This list is spot on, Lauren.
I ask how’s it all going because I truly want to know. Nothing is TMI to me anyway.
It’s awful isn’t it? They would NEVER touch your stomach if you weren’t pregnant, so why do they think it’s ok when you’ve got a baby in there? Not to mention the fact that pregnant bellies are usually hyper sensitive. Or at least mine is. My belly button in particular hurts when people touch it.
I once had a tradie tell me I was “MUCH bigger than last week.”
My mother-in-law commented on a photo of me at 38 weeks along, wondering if I was “sure it isn’t twins?” and also was I “still able to walk?”
So in summary, sometimes pregnant women are sensitive and sometimes people are dumb fucks.
Oh, and PS/ congratulations!!!!!
Bahahaha…. Angie that made me laugh so hard. You are correct. Sometimes I take things the wrong way and sometimes people need a roundhouse kick to the mouth.
Exactly.
Juat so you know… when I ask you sat night how’s it all going… I really do wanna know! 😉
I didn’t get many inappropriate comments thankfully but then again I can’t really remember being pregnant so maybe I did! I did get lots of inappropriate tummy pats though! Xx
Hahaha, I’ll be ready for you!!
I got my first inappropriate tummy rub from a stranger on Wednesday. I’m surprised it took this long but I think the death stare I gave her let her know how I was feeling.
Omg so many comments! I got ‘wow you’re so big!’ from about 15 weeks (made me feel great about myself), lots of comments asking if I was sure about my due date because of how big I was, telling me to ‘sleep before the baby comes’ (I get way more sleep now with a 2.5month old than I did for the entirety of my pregnancy). I did a training course when I was about 20 weeks pregnant and the facilitator asked how long I had to go to make sure I wasn’t going to have any kind of ’emergency’ situation during the course…
Although I think the worst was when I was in the pharmacy filling a script with my 3 week old baby in the pram and the pharmacist asked me how many weeks pregnant I was. OMG I almost died!
Oh shit! Did they not see the NEWBORN in front of them? I hope they were really embarrassed.
It’s funny, people must all have an ‘ideal’ pregnant woman in their head and if you don’t match up with what that image you must be mistaken with how far along you are. Everyone’s an expert!
And it’s like as soon as you are properly showing, with an unmistakable pregnant belly, people assume you are ready to pop. You could look like that from really early on and just not get much bigger. Or you could continue to grow until you look like a truck… It’s really safest if people just avoid guessing.
I was super confused by their question so I just pointed at Grace sleeping in the pram and said she was born 3 weeks ago. He looked suitably embarrassed when he realised.
It’s funny how people have a fixed idea of what pregnant looks like, and they seem to have no concept of the whole growing a baby over a 9 month period thing. Like you said, it’s either barely showing or ready to pop with no middle ground. And there is a lot of (long, excruciatingly long) middle ground!
Excruciating. EXCRUCIATING. MAKE IT END!!!!
I think the best advice I ever read was don’t ask if a women if she is pregnant unless you can see the baby crowning ie NEVER! My mum told me I was getting fat when I was 10 weeks pregnant – that was lovely… NOT! Your hair loos gorgeous btw
Hahaha!!! True Wendy! It’s never safe to assume. I always want to tell people it’s a tumour, just to see their reaction.
I’ve been told I was getting porky too. So flattering.
And thank you 😉
It’s been 17 months since my number 3 was born and being soooooo extremely busy with 4 kids (including the hub-because they are the most needy!)
and dealing with groundhog day rituals extreme boredom from housewife duties and “secretary “for our company. ..I have let myself go. …and I have been asked probably 4 times this year if I’m “already pregnant again!”
NO MORONS!IM JUST FAT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BLOODY BRUSH MY HAIR LET ALONE EAT A NUTRITIONAL BREAKFAST SO I EAT TOAST AND CARAMEL SLICES SO I DON’T FAINT AND CONTINUE MY DAILY BORING ACTIVITIES WHICH MY FAMILY WILL JUST DEMOLISH 5 MINUTES AFTER THEY WALK IN THE DOOR! !!!
And anyway I would NEVER NEVER ask a woman if she was pregnant if I wasn’t sure and unless she mentions it then all the advice I have is May God be with you and give you the patience! !!!!!
Oh bloody hell Maisa, that’s the worst! I’ve actually been surprised by how many strangers have commented about me being pregnant… It’s pretty presumptuous. I could just be fat! I’ve been getting the comments from pretty early on as well. There have been times I’ve wanted to deny being pregnant just to teach them a lesson about manners 😉
Definitely been that ‘slightly’ offended preggo. I constantly got “you look so small, are you sure you are as far along as you are” or some other none-of-your-business size related comment. It actually made me quite upset because I couldn’t help that my stomach wasn’t as big as everyone wanted it to be. I ended up going for a growth scan at 37 weeks because all those comments got to me. And guess what, all 3.2kg of him was jammed up in my ribs the hole time!
I genuinely hope you are feeling well, but I won’t ask 😉
I was pretty small the first time around and had the same comments, Krissy. I even had my OB say to me “I bet you’re getting lots of comments about your size, but let me assure you, your baby is perfectly healthy and is just really tucked up there” which made me feel lots better. I love how people question how far along you are. Like maybe you or your doctor have got it wrong??
No need to worry this time around though. I’m so enormous people have been asking if I’m about to pop since I was about 25 weeks!