This is a sponsored post
Remember when we all sat around in our skinniest jeans and underwire bras and judged the shit out of all the crap mums around us? We rolled our unbloodshot eyes at those lazy mums who were just letting their kids behave like animals. We knew we’d be different. Better.
I mean, I knew parenting would be hard. I could see how hard it was… for some people. Bless their hearts, they were doing their best. I was just super lucky that I was smart and educated and predisposed to achieve at most things in life and parenting wasn’t going to be any different. I’d read heaps so I was basically an expert before I was even pregnant.
My pre-baby manifesto went something like this:
My baby will sleep. I won’t tip toe around the house in utter silence, completely interrupting MY life so the baby can sleep. If you just put the baby to sleep in the living room and make lots of noise from day one, they’ll learn to sleep anywhere!
My baby will not eat from a packet. Ever. Only healthy, freshly cooked food for my little ones. It’s so sad how some parents just shovel junk food down their kids’ throats and then complain they won’t eat a carrot. Lazy.
My baby won’t watch TV or play with an ipad. Kids shouldn’t be shoved to the side and forced to watch the idiot box all day so mum can sit on her arse and drink tea. I will NEVER give my child my phone at a restaurant table so they can stare at the screen like a robot. Don’t just ignore your kids, would it hurt you to talk to them?
My baby won’t steal my identity. I’ll still dress the same and hang out with my friends and do all the things I used to do. I’m not going to just give up on life like some sad, downtrodden hermit.
I won’t spam everyone with baby pictures. Because there’s more to life than your mini-me. How arrogant and self involved can you be?
I won’t let my child have tantrums in public. CONTROL YOUR CHILD FFS.
I won’t yell. Screechy mums are the worst.
You know what happens next…
It now looks a bit like this:
My baby will sleep. I was genuinely surprised to learn it doesn’t work like the books say. My baby didn’t sleep. I lost twelve months of my life trying to get him to sleep. I nearly ended up in a psych ward, rocking back and forth, shouting words like TIZZIE and PINKIE and DROWSY and EXTINCTION while someone firmly patted my bottom and shh shhh’d me into a drug induced coma.
I finally learnt that some kids don’t sleep. It sucks, but it happens. My second child sleeps. Now and then (we’re going through a not sleeping stage. It’s delightful). She’s not perfect but she’ll get there. They all do.
My baby will not eat from a packet. I was SO committed to this. I spent my life peeling and chopping and steaming and mashing and OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP. Not that he ate anything anyway.
Fast forward to child number two and I’ve given myself permission to not obsess. I still try and feed them both the healthiest and freshest food I can because I don’t think kids need junk food. But when Pops started on solids, I decided to ease up a little bit and realised that some packaged foods aren’t as bad as I thought.
We were sent some Organix snacks to try and I scoured the ingredients for anything that would worry me. None. The ingredients are organic and I’d find most of them in my own pantry, should the sudden desire to bake kick in (it won’t). We tried the Organix Baby Biscuits and the Organix Fruit Pots. The Fruit Pots are literally just fruit, so you can’t go wrong there. The baby biscuits are a little bit fun for a wilful Miss who already wants to feed herself.
So, I could do the whole martyr act and chain myself to the kitchen and make everything from scratch and watch lovingly as my children spit it on the floor, or I could spend that time playing with my kids and then grab a fruit pot from the pantry, happy in the knowledge that it’s healthy and delicious.
Plus it makes my life ten thousand percent easier. I’m all about efficiency these days.
My baby won’t watch TV or play with an ipad. No one really explained to me that kids want all of your attention ALL OF THE TIME. And all of the time means EVERY SINGLE WAKING SECOND. There are no seconds for you. NONE. They are ALL for the kids. So if you want to get anything done, you’re going to need this magical box that hypnotises children into being still and quiet for MINUTES at a time.
Maybe one day my kids will be old enough to occupy themselves. I dream about that day… Meanwhile, I thank God every day that I am parenting in an era when I can eat a meal in relative peace because my child can watch Paw Patrol on my phone. I’m not ashamed, I’m not being lazy, I’m being smart. And considerate to other diners. My oldest is three so I’m not interested in making the adults at the table involve him in their conversation. I talk to him all day long. ALL DAY. Judge away.
My baby won’t steal my identity. They totally didn’t steal my identity. My identity just happened to change around the same time I became a mum. And it coincidentally changed into someone who really, really likes talking about her kids. Like, all the time. Funny.
I won’t spam everyone with baby pictures. Oops. Sorrynotsorry.
I won’t let my child have tantrums in public. Let? Oh Lauren, you idiot
I won’t yell. Bahahahahaaaaaa
What did you promise you’d never do (and then totally went back on)?
Organix is a new baby food brand in Australia and is now available at Coles and Woolworths.
All Organix foods come with a No Junk Promise so you know there’s no garbage ingredients you need to worry about.