Joe Hockey is keen to sell this budget as The Fair Budget. The Have-A-Go budget. The Happy, shiny, bright $10 BILLION dollar budget. He dubiously channelled Monty Python as he urged journalists not to look on the “dark side of life” jazz hands…
Don’t forget, the Government was firmly on the dark side last year with their budget “emergency”, but that was a spectacular failure so they’ve decided to try a completely different tack and they’re now the happy, shiny, bright-siders bringing you The Fair Budget. Totally consistent and not confusing. Did someone say early election?
Anyways…..
This budget is has four big-ticket items:
- Small business stimulus ($5.5 billion)
- Childcare support ($3.5 billion)
- National Security ($1.2 billion)
- Northern Australia Infrastructure ($5 billion)
And of course, there are the cuts:
- Stay at home parents and expectant mothers ($1 billion in savings)
- Wealthy pensioners ($2.4 billion in savings)
- Backpackers tax ($540 million in savings)
- Welfare cheats ($1.7 billion in savings)
This budget is all about splashing cash and stimulating the budget.
Small business
- Small businesses with an annual turnover of less than $2 million dollars will score a once in a generation tax cut of 1.5% (down to 28.5% – the lowest since 1967).
- 96% of Australian businesses are in this category, so that’s a lot of small business owners who are celebrating tonight.
- An immediate tax break for business purchases up to $20,000. You can write that off today. Right now. The changes are immediate. Go grab yourself a computer or a car or something. Grab me one too while you’re there.
Comes into effect: Tax cuts from 1 July 2015 and $20k write off starts today!
Childcare support
- $3.5 billion will be thrown at childcare over the next five years
- Families earning less than $65,000 will have up to 85% of childcare costs covered.
- The subsidy will then reduce over a sliding scale up to 50% covered for families earning over $170,000 a year.
- Most families will see an increase in their benefit.
Comes into effect:1 July 2017
Shift working and rural families
- A $246 million dollar pilot program will be launched to give shift workers and rural families access to nannies.
Comes into effect: Trial begins in 2016
Poor old people
- They’re robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. Wealthy retirees will lose their pension (see below) and the saved cash will be dished out to those who are doing it tough.
- About 170,000 pensioners will get an extra $30 a fortnight
Comes into effect: January 1, 2017
Stay at home mums and dads
Soz boys and girls, but the Government wants you to work. You get nothing. If you’re staying at home and not leaving the house to do anything civic minded, the Government says you’re capable of looking after your own kids, full time.
- Stay at homers whose partner earns more than $65,000 pa. will now get NO childcare subsidies
- If your household income is less than $65k pa, you’ll still receive 12hrs subsidised childcare.
- Only people who work or study will be able to access the childcare subsidies.
It’s not as bad as it looks though. You only need to work, train or study for 4 hours a week to qualify. You could even volunteer and you’ll get the rebate, so, you know, it’s really not that dramatic.
Comes into effect: July 2017 so you’ve got some time. Plus, 2017 is after the next election…. nothing is set in stone.
Expectant mothers
- You greedy bitches who wanted to “double dip” and get the Government Paid Parental Leave AS WELL as your work entitlements – FUCKED.
- The Government says you’re having a laugh. A laugh all the way to the bank with your buckets of moula thanks to your cash cow new baby.
- To save a billion dollars the government is only giving its money to the families who get nothing from their employers. If your workplace has a great maternity leave policy, you’re up shit creek without a $11,500 paddle.
Comes into effect: July 2016 so if you’re pregnant right now, this shouldn’t affect you.
Rich old people
- About 91,000 pensioners won’t see a red cent next year because they’re worth more than $820k (not including the value of the family home)
- That funds the pension increase outlined above.
Comes into effect: January 1, 2017
Anti-vaxxers
- Say goodbye to some welfare and childcare payments.
- It’ll save the government $500 million dollars a year
- $26 million will be reinvested into education and incentives for doctors.
Comes into effect: January 2016
So there’s the highlights. It’s all designed to make you like them again. So you’ll vote for them again. Because they’re so nice and giving you money. Mostly….
What do you think? Is there anything in it for you or are you now paddling in a pool of shit with no Government paddles at all?
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28 comments
Giddy up for the small biz stuff!!! I think I might’ve missed the whole write off thing if I hadn’t read this. THANK YOU!!!!! I’m off to buy a jet plane (a really, really, really small one) x
Your recap is so much more valuable than anything I’ve heard yet. Awesome work, as always lady. And I’m going to ride my double-dipping self all the way to the bank this year… yeeeeeee haaaaar. Or actually we’ll probably be riding the 2 minute noodle train because we’ll be just scraping by trying to survive and bond with bubs and tend to other children on a massively reduced wage. Total asshole scammers we are….
TOTAL ASSHOLE SCAMMER. You should be ashamed of your double dipping self.
Thank you for this excellent, easy to read, and sometimes hilarious post on the budget. My husband is a financial planner so I always get a run down, but this was way more interesting. Am I getting bored listening to my own husband?
I love it when you give it to me straight! Thanks for the facts without making me read a truck load of boring shit. x
Thanks so much explaining all of this Lauren – I usually just tune out. I’m particularly happy about being able to claim new computers seeing my computer disasters of the last week! I’m going to share this post. x
I have to confess that every time I hear the word budget I just hear blah blah blah and I totally tune out. YOU however just made me listen and that small business deal if pretty freaking awesome. Thank you chick – I probably would have missed out because of my fingers in my ears had it not been for you. xx
Get on it Son! Right now!! It’s up to $20k for multiple items as well. Huge!!
I’m calling it – Lauren our Official Political translator!! I heard waves of of the new changes but this is perfect! You clever cookie you xx must share xx
Happy to help my love 😉
Hubby is a tax accountant so he’s been walking around muttering under his breath & sending texts while laughing like a maniac all day. This is the first time I’ve read something about the budget then been able to have a convo I understand with him about the budget. Thanks for our night of budget inspired marital bliss! x
Well now I’m smiling from ear to ear Shan!! 😉
This is the first time I have seen something political that actually makes sense. Thank you!
So welcome!! It doesn’t always have to be dry and boring 😉
Thank you for making sense of something that baffles me every May! Xx
You are very welcome Shannon!! xxx
I don’t want to comment too much on this because I have mixed feelings!! Thanks for laying out the facts clearly so I can figure out what those feelings are!
Hahaha, I’m intrigued now Kez! xx
Wow….not just a pretty face….you have not lost your journo edge…
I am so glad I am on your friends list…..Like the other comments…so grateful you did this…Thanks.
Well thanks Maev! That’s a lovely compliment xxx
Lauren you are a genius! You made it all make sense. The small business stimulus will be of benefit in our family. Both hubby and I have our own small businesses so we will be taking advantage there.
You should definitely make the most of it! It’s huge! It was $1000 and now $20,000 that’s a bloody big jump!
Thank Christ you wrote this post, it saved me from having to watch anything else about the Budget.
I don’t see how we will be worse or better off. We get sweet f#@k all from the government in terms of rebates etc now so this won’t change.
I have had both my kids and not having any more so maternity allowance pay doesn’t impact me either.
The only thing that I support and think is positive is the further reduction of money to idiots who refuse to vaccinate their kids for non medical reasons. They deserve nothing.
Couldn’t agree more. I wanted to write that but was trying not to be my usual opinionated self…. Cry me a river anti-vaxxers, you don’t deserve my taxes while you endanger my child.
Thanks for translating that into words that are both entertaining and understandable (is that even a word?!) and bringing me up to speed. Budgets never please everyone do they? There’s always some people whose eyes are going to be flicking cash registers and others whose bank balances are going to be busted. I’m super happy about the childcare support though, better late than never… and yay for small businesses!
You’re right Sammie, so many people look at the budget and only think about what they’re going to get out of it. Unfortunately it will never benefit everyone, and some things will never be enough for some – Like the $30 rise in the pension is being complained about, but it’s still a rise! It could have been nothing. They’re never going to suddenly add $100 a week or something like that. Small bits at a time….
Thanks Lauren for a great summary. I’m not alone in being confused by the entire shebang. It seemed directionless and inspired – dare I say wishy-washy. On the other hand given current global economic stagnation going in hard with spending cuts would be disastrous.
Joe Hockey’s speech was beyond lame though… Watching it was particularly painful due to the position of Christoper Pyne’s head in the centre of the screen.
Oh I love Christopher Pyne. There isn’t a more entertaining politician in parliament. He’s comedy gold.
Joe Hockey on the other hand… Arrogant pig in real life, not that that would surprise anyone.