Joe Hockey is keen to sell this budget as The Fair Budget. The Have-A-Go budget. The Happy, shiny, bright $10 BILLION dollar budget. He dubiously channelled Monty Python as he urged journalists not to look on the “dark side of life” jazz hands…
Don’t forget, the Government was firmly on the dark side last year with their budget “emergency”, but that was a spectacular failure so they’ve decided to try a completely different tack and they’re now the happy, shiny, bright-siders bringing you The Fair Budget. Totally consistent and not confusing. Did someone say early election?
This budget is has four big-ticket items:
- Small business stimulus ($5.5 billion)
- Childcare support ($3.5 billion)
- National Security ($1.2 billion)
- Northern Australia Infrastructure ($5 billion)
And of course, there are the cuts:
- Stay at home parents and expectant mothers ($1 billion in savings)
- Wealthy pensioners ($2.4 billion in savings)
- Backpackers tax ($540 million in savings)
- Welfare cheats ($1.7 billion in savings)
This budget is all about splashing cash and stimulating the budget.
- Small businesses with an annual turnover of less than $2 million dollars will score a once in a generation tax cut of 1.5% (down to 28.5% – the lowest since 1967).
- 96% of Australian businesses are in this category, so that’s a lot of small business owners who are celebrating tonight.
- An immediate tax break for business purchases up to $20,000. You can write that off today. Right now. The changes are immediate. Go grab yourself a computer or a car or something. Grab me one too while you’re there.
Comes into effect: Tax cuts from 1 July 2015 and $20k write off starts today!
- $3.5 billion will be thrown at childcare over the next five years
- Families earning less than $65,000 will have up to 85% of childcare costs covered.
- The subsidy will then reduce over a sliding scale up to 50% covered for families earning over $170,000 a year.
- Most families will see an increase in their benefit.
Comes into effect:1 July 2017
Shift working and rural families
- A $246 million dollar pilot program will be launched to give shift workers and rural families access to nannies.
Comes into effect: Trial begins in 2016
Poor old people
- They’re robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. Wealthy retirees will lose their pension (see below) and the saved cash will be dished out to those who are doing it tough.
- About 170,000 pensioners will get an extra $30 a fortnight
Comes into effect: January 1, 2017
Stay at home mums and dads
Soz boys and girls, but the Government wants you to work. You get nothing. If you’re staying at home and not leaving the house to do anything civic minded, the Government says you’re capable of looking after your own kids, full time.
- Stay at homers whose partner earns more than $65,000 pa. will now get NO childcare subsidies
- If your household income is less than $65k pa, you’ll still receive 12hrs subsidised childcare.
- Only people who work or study will be able to access the childcare subsidies.
It’s not as bad as it looks though. You only need to work, train or study for 4 hours a week to qualify. You could even volunteer and you’ll get the rebate, so, you know, it’s really not that dramatic.
Comes into effect: July 2017 so you’ve got some time. Plus, 2017 is after the next election…. nothing is set in stone.
- You greedy bitches who wanted to “double dip” and get the Government Paid Parental Leave AS WELL as your work entitlements – FUCKED.
- The Government says you’re having a laugh. A laugh all the way to the bank with your buckets of moula thanks to your cash cow new baby.
- To save a billion dollars the government is only giving its money to the families who get nothing from their employers. If your workplace has a great maternity leave policy, you’re up shit creek without a $11,500 paddle.
Comes into effect: July 2016 so if you’re pregnant right now, this shouldn’t affect you.
Rich old people
- About 91,000 pensioners won’t see a red cent next year because they’re worth more than $820k (not including the value of the family home)
- That funds the pension increase outlined above.
Comes into effect: January 1, 2017
- Say goodbye to some welfare and childcare payments.
- It’ll save the government $500 million dollars a year
- $26 million will be reinvested into education and incentives for doctors.
Comes into effect: January 2016
So there’s the highlights. It’s all designed to make you like them again. So you’ll vote for them again. Because they’re so nice and giving you money. Mostly….