Brought to you by Heinz Infant and Nuffnang I sat in the paediatrician’s office and played him a video clip of my baby son. He studied it as I fretted beside him. When it finished I nervously asked if there was anything wrong with my child. “Annnnd, um, what is it exactly that I should be […]
You know what’s super unenjoyable? Being told to enjoy something. It’s a bit like being told to calm down. If I’m having a brain popping rage attack and you tell me to calm down, you might as well whisper “and then set fire to my car” because the end result will be much the same. […]
Children have no boundaries. They will see you stepping into the shower and will walk straight up, stick their face in your crotch and start a conversation about what’s in there. I’m pretty sure that’s why giving birth is so gory: so you can shed that last shred of dignity you had left in preparation for […]
Kids are so fun but we all know they are secretly fucking with us. There are some universal truths in parenting and, much like Murphy’s Law, the rule of thumb is: anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Dear darling baby of mine, It’s three in the morning and I’m not myself. To be fair, you’ve dragged me out of bed at three am, which is officially within the ugly hours of the morning; nothing good ever happens between 2 and 4 am. Sweetie, I can accept a 1.30am wakeup. At 1.30 in […]
You’re almost at the end of your pregnancy. You are aching and cranky and oh so exhausted. You’re about ready to rip that baby out with your bare hands which is nature’s way of making you less afraid of childbirth because anything would be better than this torture. You are over it and you want to know, […]
Once upon a time you were assessed on your ability to work within a team, to problem solve and to meet client expectations. Now you’re a parent and your whole life’s worth is down to two things: your ability to make your child eat and sleep. A ‘good’ baby eats like a champ and sleeps like a… well, like […]
From the minute that tiny babe is out of you, you’ll start hearing about “tired signs” “Do you know your tired signs?” “Have you been watching her tired signs?” “What tired signs has he been showing?” “Won’t somebody think of the TIRED SIGNS!” Everybody is so bloody preoccupied with the baby’s tired signs that they completely […]