I’ve only had one mother’s day so far and I’m not sure I even remember it. With an 11 month old who still hadn’t accepted the awesomeness of sleep, I was in a daze. I only took one photo of the two of us that day: I don’t even remember getting a card (to all the […]
As you’re facing the needle they’re about to stick in your baby’s thigh, just hours after he was born, there’s a part of you that screams “STOP!” He’s so perfect and untouched. He hasn’t even had breast milk yet. This will be the first substance to enter his body. It doesn’t seem right. Except for one […]
I’ve not really introduced you to my husband yet. He’s in this story, despite his wish to be cool and anonymous like Batman. He’s ex-military so we’re going to call him Sarge. So… meet Sarge. I’ve changed. I’ve become the mother people hate. It’s gross. This is how it happened: My little mate has reached the age […]
I finally understand why people put those festive ‘Baby On Board’ signs in their car windows. It’s not for the certain je ne sais quois it adds to your people mover, as elegant as they are. It’s not to boast about your ability to reproduce (that’s what the “My Family” stickers are for). It is, […]
My heart has been shattered. It’s in a million pieces on the floor. My dreams have been slaughtered and I’m doomed to a half-life of pain and misery. You’ve brought me into this cruel world and your lack of remorse is a dagger to my soul. I can’t reach the bench.
It has happened. At some point during the past 19 months, I drank the Kool Aid. I walked straight into that Friendship circle, held hands with the sisters and said goodbye to my old life. The Motherhood has claimed me. When I first fell pregnant, I remember thinking I’d be such a cool mum. Not like all […]
I was catching up with a girlfriend who’s 36 weeks pregnant when we bumped into a friend of hers. A friend we shall call Fran. “Oh my God, look at you!” squawked Fran. “I know,” said my friend, with the wearied sigh of a woman who feels 13 months pregnant. She patted her bump. “WOW,” gasped Fran, “I can’t believe […]
I just fell down the stairs. Hard. Can you break your arse? Pretty confident my bum bone is shattered. My foot slipped on the edge of the step and down I went. Despite the almighty crash and the searing pain in my behind, I didn’t make a squeak. All I could think was “Oh god, don’t wake up, don’t […]