Sarge has been away for work quite a bit lately and I’ve been sick, which sucks because THUD. Luckily he’s two now which means he’s pretty helpful when I need him to be. By helpful I mean he can fetch things for me…. If I bribe him. Of course, that depends on what he deems to be ‘helping’, […]
They tell you what to expect when the baby arrives: sleepless nights, endless feeding, poonamis and vomit puddles in your bra. They tell you to expect the sandpaper nipples, some vag discomfort and just general shitness in the hair and face department. What they don’t tell you is to expect a rapid deterioration of your sanity. They don’t warn you […]
I’ve only had one mother’s day so far and I’m not sure I even remember it. With an 11 month old who still hadn’t accepted the awesomeness of sleep, I was in a daze. I only took one photo of the two of us that day: I don’t even remember getting a card (to all the […]
As you’re facing the needle they’re about to stick in your baby’s thigh, just hours after he was born, there’s a part of you that screams “STOP!” He’s so perfect and untouched. He hasn’t even had breast milk yet. This will be the first substance to enter his body. It doesn’t seem right. Except for one […]
I’ve not really introduced you to my husband yet. He’s in this story, despite his wish to be cool and anonymous like Batman. He’s ex-military so we’re going to call him Sarge. So… meet Sarge. I’ve changed. I’ve become the mother people hate. It’s gross. This is how it happened: My little mate has reached the age […]
I finally understand why people put those festive ‘Baby On Board’ signs in their car windows. It’s not for the certain je ne sais quois it adds to your people mover, as elegant as they are. It’s not to boast about your ability to reproduce (that’s what the “My Family” stickers are for). It is, […]
My heart has been shattered. It’s in a million pieces on the floor. My dreams have been slaughtered and I’m doomed to a half-life of pain and misery. You’ve brought me into this cruel world and your lack of remorse is a dagger to my soul. I can’t reach the bench.
It has happened. At some point during the past 19 months, I drank the Kool Aid. I walked straight into that Friendship circle, held hands with the sisters and said goodbye to my old life. The Motherhood has claimed me. When I first fell pregnant, I remember thinking I’d be such a cool mum. Not like all […]