Trying to explain to someone what it’s like to be a mother is a bit like explaining what the Senate does. I mean, you think you know, until you try and put it into words and then you realise you kind of just need to be in the Senate to really understand what’s going on. […]
It was my second pregnancy and everything was going well, but as my belly grew, so did the ache in my heart. As we swept along with the swell of preparations, I’d look back at the tiny heart-shaped face of my first-born, so blissfully unaware, and my heart would crack, ever so slightly. I missed […]
We’ve had 24 hours with a newborn and 24 hours with a newborn and a toddler, but they’ve grown up and things have become a bit more…. um… 7.00 Wake up feeling refreshed because your children have both slept through the night. I mean, yours probably did. Not mine because my kids are broken. But […]
Brought to you by Heinz Infant and Nuffnang I sat in the paediatrician’s office and played him a video clip of my baby son. He studied it as I fretted beside him. When it finished I nervously asked if there was anything wrong with my child. “Annnnd, um, what is it exactly that I should be […]
You know what’s super unenjoyable? Being told to enjoy something. It’s a bit like being told to calm down. If I’m having a brain popping rage attack and you tell me to calm down, you might as well whisper “and then set fire to my car” because the end result will be much the same. […]
Children have no boundaries. They will see you stepping into the shower and will walk straight up, stick their face in your crotch and start a conversation about what’s in there. I’m pretty sure that’s why giving birth is so gory: so you can shed that last shred of dignity you had left in preparation for […]
Kids are so fun but we all know they are secretly fucking with us. There are some universal truths in parenting and, much like Murphy’s Law, the rule of thumb is: anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Dear darling baby of mine, It’s three in the morning and I’m not myself. To be fair, you’ve dragged me out of bed at three am, which is officially within the ugly hours of the morning; nothing good ever happens between 2 and 4 am. Sweetie, I can accept a 1.30am wakeup. At 1.30 in […]