I’ve not really introduced you to my husband yet. He’s in this story, despite his wish to be cool and anonymous like Batman. He’s ex-military so we’re going to call him Sarge. So… meet Sarge.
I’ve changed. I’ve become the mother people hate. It’s gross.
This is how it happened:
My little mate has reached the age where he neeeeeds to be FREE. Straps are nothing to this wild spirit, and being carried simply means more opportunities for backflip practice.
My husband (Sarge) is all for the freedom.
“Let him be free,” he says.
Easier said than done my naive, optimistic friend. Easier. said. than. done.
We were at the craft shop one day when Thud expressed his need to be FREE. Luckily the Sarge was on hand to run interference.
I was happily wandering when I saw a tiny streak of a child fly past the end of the aisle with a squeal.
I followed a trail of destruction until I found Sarge on his hands and knees, scooping up thread, ribbon, yarn and paint and chucking it up on the shelf.
Thud had reached max wild.
I could’ve helped. I didn’t.
I stood there and laughed. “Welcome to my life daddy-o! This is me, all day, every day, suckeeerr!”
So he did what any normal* parent would do. He snapped up the child, put him in a wheelie shopping basket and started cutting sick laps around Lincraft while I sorted through yarn.
Boys were happy.
But then something odd happened.
We made our way to the front of the store. Sarge was strolling along at double time, wheeling his shopping basket behind him with just a pair of tiny hands and the top of a blonde head visible.
At the counter, Thud, sitting down low in his basket, started handing me my items so I could pay.
Now I’ll just stop here for a moment so you can picture this…. Are you seeing it? A small person. Inside a shopping basket. Handing my shopping to me. Can you even handle it?
Well apparently the shop assistant could. She didn’t bat an eyelid.
If I didn’t witness her clearly typing things into the computer and looking me directly in the eye, I would’ve thought she was blind or impaired in some way. She looked straight at my midget trolley-helper and didn’t even blink.
Crickets.
As we left, even Sarge (usually not all that concerned with what people think) said to me “that girl could have been a bit more impressed with Thud.”
You think!?! What kind of cold soul disregards a sight like that? I mean, does she think kittens and bunnies are boring too? What about a baby cuddling a bunny in the bottom of a shopping cart? While dressed up like a teddy bear? Carrying a cupcake?
Are you DEAD on the inside? You’re in the service industry. LIE. Pretend you give a shit.
******
Later that day, when I was STILL thinking about this, I realized, with horror, that I had become one of those women. One of those women who thinks the whole world should stop and worship their spectacular child.
“I made a CHILD! He’s AMAZING! Everybody look at MY CHILD!”
The SHAME.
I’m so embarrassed for myself. I’m so sorry Lincraft lady. I’m sorry for thinking bad things about you because you didn’t drop everything and gush over the cuteness of the child in the basket.
Next I’ll be pushing him up on a stage and making him tap dance for coin.
Oh, dear…. Somebody stop me.
*not that normal.
Are you one of those mums? Am I going to get worse? HOW DO I STOP THIS??
If you liked this, make sure you head over to facebook and like The Thud so you’ll never miss a post!
48 comments
Ha ha you make me laugh Lauren! It will stop when you have 4 of them. I don’t have time to think they are individually amazing anymore. We have a mob mentality. As a team I guess I am still pretty proud. But mainly if, as a team we are clean, tidy and on time. Its the small the stuff 🙂
“There’s only one beautiful baby in this world, and every mother has it” – see even this saying has you undone once more come along 😉
We are ALL secretly one of those mums, but only because we have given birth to a particularly spectacular batch of children. On your knees, world. x
I’m very much one of those mums! When my twins are doing something super cute and the people who walk by completely ignore them, I think, “Helloooooo…don’t you even have a heartbeat?”
Little blondie baby in a basket?? I would just melt from the cuteness!
Once Lincraft lady has kids, she’ll understand. I do the same but realise that Mr TT’s big baby blue eyes only work on those people who didn’t see the path of destruction he created 2 minutes previously. I feel for you as I too have a “free” child. It’s exhausting but an excellent cardio workout (which is quickly undone by my night time wine consumption to get over the toddler antics of the day). I have two words for you Lauren: gated parks.
With 3 kids I get comments like ‘Are they ALL yours?’ Ah yes or ‘Did you have to bring them all shopping?’ Ah yes or ‘You’ve got your hands full’ Ah yes – thanks for noticing. I prefer at all costs that they don’t notice my three children fighting through the isles of the supermarket or listen to me telling them to stop or they won’t get a doughnut at the end! Joys of school aged children!
I love a good donut bribe!!
I’ve had those moments – both as the mother wanting attention for her cute kid and as the lying customer service assistant making out that people’s kids are adorable, when they are just doing what every other kid does.
My advice – stop caring what others think and just revel in your kids cuteness, keep it all for yourself, or bombard your FB feed with it.
I am that parent! You captured it perfectly. Also I would have gushed over the child in the basket. HOW FRICKING CUTE IS THAT?! #aussieparentingbloggers
Hahaha! It caught me by surprise! I didn’t think I would be like that. Guess I was wrong.
She must have either had a heart of stone, have lost her glasses or been a total basket case because that is the cutest thing she probably ever did see (or at least that day, anyways!) In the meantime, embrace your Inner Stage Mom!
Hahaha, thanks Sammie!
No, totes justified lady. Old Lincraft lady could have at least peered over and smiled. IT’S NOT THAT HARD! Kids are cute goddamnit. Acknowledge them! Shit, does this make me a stage mum too? I do have a penchant for sequins…..
Oh sequins! Need to get me some of those!!
Bahaha! Love Hugzilla’s comment.
I have caught myself telling other people that Ari’s day care mum commented how smart he is… Fark! Before I can eat my words they are out in all their pompousness!
Bahahahaha!
They start to lose their cuteness once they are taller than you, smarter than you and never listen anymore…. on the other hand they can be your best friends in the world.
I might have been ‘that’ kind of Mum once upon a time…and damn it my babies were CUTE and CLEVER and so TOP RUNG – unfortunately 12 years down the track of raising two boys I have decided they are ANNOYING and LOUD and RUDE – enjoy your moment in the sun with THUD and may he be a delightful tween. x
OMG this made me laugh! Who do I speak to about skipping the tween stage? Who can arrange that for me?
I took my toddlers for sushi the other day & the little one was so cute & clever, stabbing his tuna roll with a chopstick to eat it. I looked around the shop expecting some shared oohs & aahs or at the very least a warm smile or two but all I got back was a frosty glare from the woman next to us who was shaking her head at all the rice on the floor. Pffft… Are they BLIND to the cuteness???
I feel the same way. I have that one child that is ALWAYS getting into trouble and I have to encourage him ANY chance I get to do the right thing, like
“You DIDN’T hit your sister!? High Five!”
“You played with the bug and didn’t kill it? Yay! Awesome!”
People with children especially don’t realise how difficult it is for children to just automatically do the right thing!
Anyway, great blog post and I loved the pictures.
Ben.
Bahaha! This is going to be me VERY soon, I just know it.
“You didn’t smash that bowl? Great work darling!!”
Oh no she was totally worthy of the wrath – I mean for God sakes, they sure as hell notice it when they are acting like turds so SEE THE GOOD CUTE STUFF PEOPLE. Take a good long look because duh CUTE!!! xx
How could Thud in a wheelie basket not get anything from the lady? WTF was her problem? My hubby would say I am a stage mum, but I’m not. More a soccer type mum – one who complains about the cold and rain every weekend we have to go to soccer. Not the type who loves the game. haha x
I’m afraid I think my kids are really cute too. And yes, the world should stop and stare when they come into view. Stupid world with better things to do than gush over my kids. You will probably get worse. Unfortunately, your own kids just get more and more amazing as they get bigger. But you will definitely still get gushers. Some people are bowled over by cuteness. It’s swings and roundabouts. Personally, if it was me at the checkout, I’d be making big smiles over at your boy. What’s not to smile at?
I’m not stage-mummy but my kids are seriously cute!
My entire neighbourhood of geriatrics LOVE my kids and always comment on their cuteness, all except one woman who I think might hate kids and completely ignores them… I feel you. LOL.
And for the record, I’d have made a huge dealio about the basket! Massive cuteness!
God bless the geriatrics. They always love the kids! They wet themselves over mine because he’s all Aryan and giggly, and that seems to matter to them. A laughing blonde boy… what more do the oldies want??
Maybe Lincraft lady once had cute little Thuds herself and they turned out to be assholes. Word on the street I hear teenagers are just as fun as toddlers but not as cute!! Man! I am gonna need all the wine!!
She was practically a kid herself which was probably the problem.
The fact that he’s cute is the only reason we’ve kept him. If he was like this and not cute we would’ve chucked him ages ago. Doesn’t bode well for his teen years 😉
I can relate but I have the other problem when my kids are misbehaving and people laugh and think its cute which encourages them more!
I had this just the other day Bec! He was being a bit wild at the shops and I was trying to get him to come back and stand next to me and this woman in front of me was saying how gorgeous he was and how I was being too hard on him. “Your mummy’s no fun!” she told him. WTF!?
Been there, done that. My kids are no longer cute so I can’t do it anymore. I sometimes still take out the pics of them as babies, just for attention….
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA….. Oh my god this made me laugh.
It’s about the “crickets” I’ve heard from a lot of people on social media about the cuteness of me NEW BABY! Nothing. Not even a congrats for having her!!
Shall I stop posting daily pictures of the 50 shades of sleeping face ?
What do you mean? Who is not commenting????
Oh I have a feeling this will be me. My husband and I say “look how cute she is”, “omg look at the adorable thing she is doing”, “she’s so smart!” – all about our dog.
We have no chance as parents. When I’m on maternity leave I’ll probably send a photo/video of something *adorable* our child is doing to my husband several times a day. (And then when I look back at them months later they will probably all look exactly the same)
Thud in a basket sounds pretty adorable. I would have gushed.
Oh yep, it’s gonna be you alright. Have you ever see the show The Goldbergs? Sarge says I’m going to be exactly like the mum on that show, Beverly. She’s so OTT. I think I’ll calm down when he’s not so adorable (which I’m pretty sure is just around the corner). But all new mums are allowed to be, I think. For a little while at least 😉
Your cherub in the cart was very cute so that lady is seriously jaded. I didn’t ‘make’ our kids – we adopted them – so I think I felt that gave me full license to exploit their cuteness and fish for compliments. Big girl is 11 and I could be a dance mum (not one of THOSE Dance Moms but still a proud mama) and little boy is now 5 – still adorable in that sweet, preppie way. Think I can milk it a while longer.
Kathy, now that you mention it, I actually think you *are* allowed to be more stage mumish because you didn’t “make” your kids. Because they’re not your little clones, you’re allowed to be much more OTT about how awesome they are because that’s not being arrogant, that’s just being proud.
Whereas when I want to boast about my child, it feels like I’m saying how brilliant I am… especially because he looks so much like me (which makes it really weird when I look at him and think how gorgeous he is, because is that like saying I’m gorgeous?)
Milk it for all it’s worth Mumma!
When you consider getting him eyelash extensions and start entering him in pageants, you should worry! 🙂 Ha! In seriousness, I would have had to say hello to a cherub in a basket- maybe she’s a wee bit jaded by her retail career?!
Oh god, he’d look AMAZING with eyelash extensions!!!! 😉
Haha! I’m exactly the same. Recently I was walking through Coles and my little girl decided to stand up in the trolley to sing Twinkle Twinkle but she says it Crinkle Crinkle. Oh my God it’s the cutest thing ever. I was looking around at everyone like a total galah wanting them to notice my insanely cute and intelligent two year old. Nobody gave a rats. Very disappointing 😉
Hahahaha!! I’m so glad it’s not just me! I would have thought that was adorable too. I’m pretty sure I’ll be less impressed with my child as he gets older. Or perhaps if/when I have a second child (need to spread the attention around). It caught me off guard though. I never thought I’d be like this!
*steps back slowly from computer, avoiding eye contact*
CLAP FOR MY CHILD DAMN YOU!
Hahahahaha!
Best comment ever.
So cute the basket blondie boy! I don’t know what kind of mummy I am. Mine are older now so I don’t get anymore of those “oh, he is sooooo cuuuuute”. Well I might miss that! So when you comment about my picture daughter and say she’s beautiful, well, I’m happy, I have to recognise i like that.
. xx cathy
Yes, I’m hoping I get over it as he grows up. I’m sure I will!!! Fingers crossed….