I’m not a lucky person. I’ve never really won anything in my life. I didn’t go to one of those schools that gave awards out for turning up to things. I went to one of those hard knock institutions that made you actually achieve something before they acknowledged you. I think I scored a few academic awards, but getting a book with your name printed in the front is lame compared to bagging an awesome trophy for being the top girl at hockey. I don’t have a trophy shelf.
I’ve just been named The Voice of 2015. No, not the singing competition. You are not about to download my debut single. Sad for you.
The Voices of 2015 competition recognises Australia’s top writing/ creative/ blogging talent as voted by a panel of experts from Kidspot Magazine. Try as I might to be modest about this, I’m just too excited and honoured to downplay it. It’s AWESOME!The unfortunate part of this whole experience was the actual awards night. I won two awards and was required to give two acceptance speeches. I had nothing prepared because I had zero confidence I’d win anything and I’m also a bit superstitious so didn’t want to jinx myself. As a result I was the most ungainly and ineloquent award winner in the history of award winners. It’s no small victory the award wasn’t snatched back from me on the spot.
So this is what I’ve learnt about giving a good acceptance speech.
Don’t be pregnant.
- Because you won’t look like this:
- Because you will be able to get up on to the stage. I stood at the bottom of the stairs like a moron, knowing I would fall like a baby elephant if I attempted to get up there unassisted. Thank god a lovely gentleman came running from the crowd to escort me up. Like at the Oscars. I’m basically Jennifer Lawrence.
- Because you probably won’t ramble like a moron. I’m not sure what I said. I think I made a joke about giving birth or something. I know for a fact that I looked at my trophy and asked – in the pregnantest moment of my life – “Wow, can I keep this?” Something in my head made me think it was like The Ashes or The Melbourne Cup and I’d need to give it back after touring it through my hometown. Give me a break. I was just excited to have a trophy.
Because it’s better to toss out a great speech than stand up in front of a room full of really intelligent people and flap your gums like an imbecile. See previous trophy example.
Thank some people
Anyone will do. Just make it sound like you’re grateful to someone rather than act like you’re a huge success all on your own. I think I may have remembered to thank Kidspot. I’m not sure if I mentioned the sponsors Ford and Garnier. I really should have thanked all the other awesome bloggers who make this online community such a rockstar place to be.
Don’t accost the other people on stage.
Repeatedly hugging the presenters because you’re so excited isn’t cute. It’s just weird. Especially when you’re actually just assaulting them with your huge belly. Sorry to Kim and Kylie.Do something really cool because you might never get the chance again.
Like take a selfie on stage with the crowd behind you. How awesome would that have been? And symbolic. Because they were ‘behind me’. Like, ‘supportive’. Get it? #symbolismIf I could do it all over again I might have said some nice and/or clever things, like:
To be in a room with some of the best and most creative writers in Australia and to have you all cheering for me is completely surreal.
(very real possibility of a Sally Fields moment here…“You like me! You really like me!”)
The online community has always been so supportive and nurturing. I’ve been a journalist and writer for years but only started my blog about 12 months ago so it has been a massive opportunity to be part of The Voices competition. The recognition and exposure it has given me and my blog has been amazing.
To be considered up there with some of the most talented bloggers I know is mind-blowing. You’re all so talented in so many areas. All I know how to do is write and I love that my funny little stories about my life as a first-time mum (and my many failures along the way) have made so many people nod and laugh and feel less alone as they stumble through parenthood.
Winning this competition has given me the confidence to keep doing that and keep connecting with other parents out there.
As I said, I’m not usually a lucky person, but this year for some reason, I’ve been a bit…. Dare I say it? #blessed