This is the third in a series written by little Thud, on how to be a better toddler. Today he’d like to share his tips on how to make meal times as difficult as possible. Friends, Nothing gives your parents more stress than how much food you’re eating. It’s like they’re obsessed or something. ALWAYS […]
Top tips and tricks to delay and destroy bedtime, By Thud Comrades, in our efforts to demoralise and dominate, I’d like to bring you my best tips for destroying bedtime. This is a particularly painful one for parents because they’re so freaking precious about their ‘me-time’ and they’re desperate for you to go to sleep so […]
How to make leaving the house as painful as possible, by Thud This one goes out to all my home boys and girls dealing with less than ideal parents. I feel you. And I’ve got you. Let me give you a rundown of how to get your revenge. Mums like to leave the house on time. […]
Sarge has been away for work quite a bit lately and I’ve been sick, which sucks because THUD. Luckily he’s two now which means he’s pretty helpful when I need him to be. By helpful I mean he can fetch things for me…. If I bribe him. Of course, that depends on what he deems to be ‘helping’, […]
Mummy, Have you seen my knee? Sore. This feels really serious. You keep telling me I scratched my knee when I fell on the driveway but I don’t think I believe you. I think I can remember falling, but I don’t remember crying. Surely I would’ve been howling in pain from such an injury. Do you […]
My heart has been shattered. It’s in a million pieces on the floor. My dreams have been slaughtered and I’m doomed to a half-life of pain and misery. You’ve brought me into this cruel world and your lack of remorse is a dagger to my soul. I can’t reach the bench.
Dear Santa, Hi buddy old pal, it’s Thud here. I know you know who I am because apparently you’ve been watching me (bit suss to be honest, but I’m willing to look past it. Because presents). First up, I want to apologise for my indifference last year. I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t know/care about you, […]
Mother, I want to talk about love. It’s a word you throw around a lot in this household but I’m not sure you know what it means. In particular, we need to discuss what “unconditional love” means . I’d like to remind you how often you’ve said your love for me is “unconditional.” Well, I’ve got […]